A Gift from the Goddess

Book TWO – Ch.# 29

…I couldn’t believe I was actually thinking of doing this.

Again

I should have already learnt niy lesson by now… no, I really shouldn’t be trying to make it stronger. I already knew how dangerous that side of me was. And yet Kieran looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, making it feel impossible to deny him.

…So here I was.

Contemplating doing the very thing I was sure would make him happier than it would make me.

I knew he wanted me to be completely healthy again, to be able to do the things he could do, to try and… fix me. Which wasn’t a bad thing, per se. It was great. It’s just… I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet. This wasn’t like asking me something trivial. He was asking me to connect with a beast who had terrorised me for years.

A shiver went through me as I recalled every time it had happened, remembering the blood and bodies. Remembering… the pain. Not even Kieran had been sale last time, it having lashed out at him as well. “I’ll be right here with you, I promise,” Kieran said, disrupting my thoughts. It won’t be like the last time. You don’t need to worry.”

Right.

Because the medicine should have stopped the suppressors by now… which should theoretically stop the pain… which should then stop the blackouts… and the death toll after it.

So simple. Logical

Surely nothing bad would happen again. I could do this.

And so I held my breath tentatively. “…Okay, Kieran,” I said, feeling numb. “I’ll do it.” And I agreed to do the very thing that terrified me.

I stood a foot or so away from him as we got started, watching him carefully. A small tremor was shaking through me, but I did my best to push through it. Now, more than ever, I needed to focus entirely on what Kieran was trying to tell me.

It quite literally could mean life or death.

“Deep breath, Rae,” he said, doing it himself as if to remind me how.

Yes… thank you for that.

But I still did it regardless.

“Okay, now… close your eyes… and reach deep inside. Try to connect with her,” he instructed

I wanted to be sick.

“Rac… close your eyes,” he repeated, seeing me hesitate.

…And I did as he asked.

So basic. This was meant to be straightforward biology. Because turning into a woli was meant to be normal. Yep, just a totally ordinary thing to do.

But as I reached down towards it inside, I felt a spark of revulsion. One that stemmed from the idea of letting it control me once more. It was like tempting late, opening the door to allow it to hurt others; something that I had sworn to leave behind as I began my new life.

And so I said… no. No more Never again.

If we were to do this… then we were going to do it my way

And I quickly grabbed ahold of the creature lurking, its teeth bared at me from the shadows of my mind and I threw it to the surface. I threw it to the surface and held it in place, forcing it to do what I willed it to.

An action that was then swiftly followed by the sound of my joint cracking.

SNAP
…And another…

*SNAPPpo

…And another….

And soon I felt pain overcome me, my body shifting and twisting in all sorts of ways I didn’t think possible. Contorting into new shapes, burning with every modification … a loud orchestra of flesh and bone moving that overwhelmed my

ras

with me?” I heard

III

as the last time. It felt manageable… And I kept if that way. Though it was something that took my

concentration to achieve.

Maybe to try and get a reply from me. But it wouldn’t matter for long. No, I could feel the end soon

only took another moment before everything stilled. The world stopped moving, my nausea slowly passed… and, finally, it

“Rae?” Kieran asked.

IP

FDE

vision. As I moved my head, it seemed as

its teeth snapping at me for control. But not this time. This time, I wouldn’t allow it even an inch of

in peace, which was great for him… but that didn’t mean it had to be that way for everyone. Whatever I was doing was clearly working and it meant that I could feel more reassured. Reassured that

at Kieran in a way that I hoped conveyed

wanted. To prove I

A wolf.

the skin of the monster

try going for

particularly. I think I mostly just wanted to change

+

1

that running was the assumed next step as he proceeded to start shifting himself. And, before

this form, It had very clearly been

more in charge. It felt more… animalistic and

that side of me back?

if he could, he

follow him,

first steps, moving for the very first time as myself in this form… I felt

thin.

until, suddenly… it broke. **Shift

2.2

me aside so quickly it was like an elastic band that had snapped. But I managed to command this

everything

I replied. “I’m

was now shaking uncontrollably as I spoke, unable to hide the adrenaline that fear had shot through me.

ICT

did so well,” he

in his arms, I was unable to

sure you’ll be shifting like a pro in no time. Don’t worry about it.” Oh, but I was worried. Of course, I was. This was yet another thing I needed to overcome. Another thing to prove my worth to stay here. And so, just as I learned to fight, I was determined to learn how to

Conquer… *t*

The beast inside.

Kieran asked

had another formal dinner tonight, the first since the one held for my welcoming. I assumed it would be easier than the last given I knew a lot more now. I’d had time to get

“Ready.” I smiled.

for the dining hall to

paying it much attention at all. Like an annoying buzzing background noise that I’d learned to live with, but instead of noise, it was an urge to lash out at her. Putting it to the back of my head was just a way to enjoy her company in a weird, convoluted way. Whatever worked though, I guess. “…And then after I went to the

nice,” I said,

her next words that then took me by surprise, not expecting the

time to do that. The wind always

shifting incident, feeling sick at the whole thing. And suddenly I felt the burning need for a drink.

both.

nothing much. The usual,” I

“Did you – ,”

just going to go to the bathroom quick,” I said, cutting her off. “I’m so sorry,

about the abruptness, but I hadn’t meant

probably realising

in a minute,” I reassured. And I left

feeling… unsettled and inadequate. Like I was out of place. I knew Allison hadn’t intentionally meant any harm, but her words had been a badly timed sting. I didn’t know the feeling she spoke about, I didn’t know how it felt to casually go running… I didn’t even know how to enjoy those things. I

then came a voice to my left. 11 had interrupted my concentration so harshly that it made me jump, and I looked up sharply