A Gift from the Goddess

Book TWO – Ch.# 29

…I couldn’t believe I was actually thinking of doing this.

Again

I should have already learnt niy lesson by now… no, I really shouldn’t be trying to make it stronger. I already knew how dangerous that side of me was. And yet Kieran looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, making it feel impossible to deny him.

…So here I was.

Contemplating doing the very thing I was sure would make him happier than it would make me.

I knew he wanted me to be completely healthy again, to be able to do the things he could do, to try and… fix me. Which wasn’t a bad thing, per se. It was great. It’s just… I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet. This wasn’t like asking me something trivial. He was asking me to connect with a beast who had terrorised me for years.

A shiver went through me as I recalled every time it had happened, remembering the blood and bodies. Remembering… the pain. Not even Kieran had been sale last time, it having lashed out at him as well. “I’ll be right here with you, I promise,” Kieran said, disrupting my thoughts. It won’t be like the last time. You don’t need to worry.”

Right.

Because the medicine should have stopped the suppressors by now… which should theoretically stop the pain… which should then stop the blackouts… and the death toll after it.

So simple. Logical

Surely nothing bad would happen again. I could do this.

And so I held my breath tentatively. “…Okay, Kieran,” I said, feeling numb. “I’ll do it.” And I agreed to do the very thing that terrified me.

I stood a foot or so away from him as we got started, watching him carefully. A small tremor was shaking through me, but I did my best to push through it. Now, more than ever, I needed to focus entirely on what Kieran was trying to tell me.

It quite literally could mean life or death.

“Deep breath, Rae,” he said, doing it himself as if to remind me how.

Yes… thank you for that.

But I still did it regardless.

“Okay, now… close your eyes… and reach deep inside. Try to connect with her,” he instructed

I wanted to be sick.

“Rac… close your eyes,” he repeated, seeing me hesitate.

…And I did as he asked.

So basic. This was meant to be straightforward biology. Because turning into a woli was meant to be normal. Yep, just a totally ordinary thing to do.

But as I reached down towards it inside, I felt a spark of revulsion. One that stemmed from the idea of letting it control me once more. It was like tempting late, opening the door to allow it to hurt others; something that I had sworn to leave behind as I began my new life.

And so I said… no. No more Never again.

If we were to do this… then we were going to do it my way

And I quickly grabbed ahold of the creature lurking, its teeth bared at me from the shadows of my mind and I threw it to the surface. I threw it to the surface and held it in place, forcing it to do what I willed it to.

An action that was then swiftly followed by the sound of my joint cracking.

SNAP
…And another…

*SNAPPpo

…And another….

And soon I felt pain overcome me, my body shifting and twisting in all sorts of ways I didn’t think possible. Contorting into new shapes, burning with every modification … a loud orchestra of flesh and bone moving that overwhelmed my

ras

with me?” I

III

bad as the last time. It felt manageable… And I kept if that way. Though it was something that took

concentration to achieve.

could tell that much. Maybe to try and get a reply from me. But it wouldn’t matter for long.

moment before everything stilled. The world stopped moving, my

“Rae?” Kieran asked.

IP

FDE

my vision now different. Though truthfully, it wasn’t just my vision. As I moved my head, it seemed as though everything was now… sharper, my senses feeling heightened

me for control. But not this time. This time,

wolf in peace, which was great for him… but that didn’t mean it had to be that way for everyone. Whatever I was doing was

in a way that I hoped

is what he wanted. To prove I was better.

A wolf.

in the skin of

try going for a run?”

particularly. I think I mostly just wanted

+

1

was the assumed next step as he proceeded to start shifting himself. And, before too long had passed, his dark brown wolf

Kieran and then there was his wolf. When I’d first seen him in this form, It had very clearly been Kieran

his wolf was more in charge. It felt

I was holding that side of me back? That

could, he didn’t show

wanted me to follow him, I could feel my

first steps, moving for the very first time as myself

thin.

it broke. **Shift back. NOW*,’1

2.2

attempting to push me aside so quickly it was like an elastic band that had snapped. But I managed to

over… for now. “What was that?” Kieran asked, a few moments later. “Is everything okay?” He’d been much faster at shifting forms than me, as was

I replied. “I’m

fear had shot through me. I’d been so

ICT

well,” he said,

in his arms,

about it.” Oh, but I was worried. Of course, I was. This was yet another thing I needed to overcome. Another thing to prove my worth to stay here. And so, just as I learned to fight,

Conquer… *t*

The beast inside.

to leave?” Kieran asked as I left my

since the one held for my welcoming. I assumed it would be easier than the last given I knew a lot more now. I’d had time to get to know the people better and settle in, and, though I was still a bit shaken from the events earlier that day, I was relieved for

“Ready.” I smiled.

we left for the dining hall to

me once again, happily chatting away. I was thanksul that she could carry the conversation easily without much help needed on my end. Truthfully, her presence still put me on edge, but I’d been getting better at focusing my mind. Now, I could sit here talking to her without paying it much attention at all. Like an annoying buzzing background noise that I’d learned to live with, but instead of noise, it was an urge to lash out at her. Putting it to the back of my head was just a way to enjoy her company in a weird, convoluted way. Whatever worked though, I guess. “…And then after I went to the temple, I

I said, meaning

then took me by

added casually, much to my discomfort. “I love having the time to do that. The wind always feels amazing

the whole thing. And suddenly

both.

nothing much. The usual,”

“Did you – ,”

to go to the bathroom quick,” I said, cutting her off. “I’m so

little bad about the abruptness, but I hadn’t meant it

probably realising it

“Back in a minute,” I reassured. And I left towards the bathroom, moving before anyone could stop

my own thoughts, feeling… unsettled and inadequate. Like I was out of place. I knew Allison hadn’t intentionally meant any harm, but her words had been a badly timed sting. I didn’t know the feeling she spoke about, I didn’t know how it felt to casually

came a voice to my left. 11 had interrupted my concentration