A Lifetime With You by Athrhteera

Alena

Most of my childhood memories were lost among the midst of growing up because I was always in survival mode, filtering off the bad ones. Nobody knew how hard it was to sneak around when my parents weren't looking just to catch a glimpse of what was happening. Blood. Guns and knives.

Those things were common in this family. Papa-my father tried to keep me away from the life he was born into because he said it was too dangerous. Imagine the look on my face when I turned fifteen and he immediately started teaching me on how to hold a gun to someone's head.

The damn irony.

What was he even thinking? Shielding me from harm's way but as soon as I was fifteen, he showed me everything. The things he was hiding me from, the business talks at night and his men who somehow ended up disappearing. Only they didn't disappear. They were just six feet under.

"In this world, there is only survival." His words were loud and clear, tattooed in my mind.

Now, don't get me wrong. He was the perfect father to his three children and a loving husband to Mama but to the Bratva, he was a merciless leader. They feared him but the most important thing of all, they respected him.

Papa did everything to make us happy. He taught us the things any father would, like to ride a bike, setting up camp and how to drive. He was there, he was present in our lives, and he gave us everything he had.

It was just, sometimes, I had to remove the uneasiness of knowing he was a killer.

A cold-blooded killer.

Alexei, my brother, was three years older than me. The minute he turned eighteen, every single responsibility was given to him whether he liked it or not, but I think, he enjoyed the power he had and the women who threw themselves at him.

He was like Papa, always worrying about the family and our safety because he was scared that one day, someone might put a bullet in his head and left the rest of us to fend for ourselves.

Then again, Papa wanted nothing more than a strong family. He taught us how to hunt, how to run and how to kill. He wanted us to defend ourselves if things ever went wrong.

Remember how he said there is only survival in this world? Well, he made sure we never forgot who we were. We weren't any ordinary family, and we would never be. As much as I tried to deny the fact, we were Bratva itself.

Most of my girlfriends grew up becoming socialites.

The shop-till-you-drop kind of socialites. The mingling-with-rich-men kind of socialites. The always-wearing-high-heels kind of socialites. The perfect kind of socialites.

So, imagine the look on Papa and Mama's faces when I told them I wanted to become a doctor. An orthopedic, even.

Well, Mama was okay with it because she always convinced me to follow my heart. She knew the future was in my hands even though Papa was trying to kill my future plans. It took me awhile to finally convince him that I was never going to be like my friends. I was never going to shop every day, drink wine and socialize my night away because despite being in a family where killing was normal, I actually wanted to save lives.

That was when the persuading started.

No, not from me but from him.

I had always wanted a dog since I was ten, but he never wanted one. He wasn't very fond of furry animals, so I was surprised when I found myself waking up to him holding a golden retriever puppy. The golden retriever puppy even had a red bowtie around his neck. Did that hold me back from wanting to go to medical school? No.

The persuading just kept going on and on.

After the 'puppy surprise', he brought home a pink Aston Martin the next day. A Vanquish Zagato Aston Martin. I told him to stop wasting his money because nothing was going to change my mind.

Oh boy, it didn't stop there. A bouquet of sunflowers every morning on my bed. Flight tickets for a trip to Maldives. New designer handbags.

I was spoilt in different ways, and I took the opportunity to enjoy everything.

"You'd be drowning in books, Alena!" He said, pacing the room back and forth before pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't mind. I've always loved learning,"

"I've given you everything, my love. You don't have to struggle for anything in your life," he walked closer towards me as he grabbed a hold of my hand.

Mama smiled as she grabbed Papa's hands, "Your daughter has passion."

"She doesn't have to go through all of the trouble." He shook his head.

"Papa, growing up, you taught me to always stand up for myself. You taught me to be strong and independent. You also taught me to have dreams and be passionate in the things I love. I'm becoming the woman you taught me to be," I said. "You're a Bratva princess." He stood tall.

Mama kept caressing his arm while occasionally glancing at me.

"I don't want to have anything to do with the mafia, Papa. You know that."

"You were born into it, whether you like it or not."

"Well, I don't like it!" I walked away, sighing.

Papa's green eyes stared into mine. I knew he was holding back his anger because he felt as if I was never grateful for the things, he provided for us. All the love, the attention and the never ending wants. I had broken his heart into two.

"I'm leaving to medical school. If you don't want to support me in any way, I'll just get a part-time job. I'd do whatever it takes for me to achieve my dreams," I muttered as my vision blurred with tears.

Then, I pushed the doors and stormed out of the room-bumping into Alexei, who was eavesdropping in the hallway.

Our eyes collided for a few seconds.

I knew he felt sorry for me. I knew he wanted to give me what I wanted. We were always close because of the little age-gap we had. I guess we just understood each other better but he was in no position to offer me the things I wanted. So, he kept his distance and watched me leave.

Papa ended

moment they first met. They were endless lovers, not just husband and wife. Their relationship was what I wanted in the future

most of the time, he was out of sight. He was lurking in the shadows,

there for me when the days were bad. Sometimes, the nights were bad,

We talked, occasionally.

kept up with my daily life in university. Papa never called and honestly, I never blamed him. I was being the ungrateful

too.

I knew he asked Mama about me. Whenever I

you have children, Igor?" I asked, as I took a bite of

go on an afternoon walk and

around he was never off-guard, always checking around

that way. Besides, he was assigned to protect

"How old is he?"

"He just turned ten."

"Don't you miss him?"

"All the time."

spend

doesn't know I exist," he replied, and it didn't take me long to

"What? Why not?"

Enemies wouldn't find out about our families, and we wouldn't be a target if anything happens. Besides, he doesn't have to know that his father is a

if he was forced to accept this life, too. He was born into it, just like me. Maybe if he could, he would've wanted a different life. A different possibility for his children. Yet,

things had to

was, at the age of thirty, in my final

reflection in the mirror before sighing. My eyes were red because the last time I slept was probably twenty-six hours ago. My cheekbones were hollow, and

Someone cursed, making

of sleep, she just started her shift but probably from all the crying the restroom.

okay?"

having

"Is it John?"

the eyes? Do I look like I've been crying?" She asked, turning to look at

I couldn't tell a thing." My

"Alena ..."

John. If you're unhappy, you don't have to put

I just don't know why he chose to not understand about my situation. He wants me to be there for him all the time when it's pretty obvious, I can't. He's a freelancer and he has a lot of free

whole 'communication is

two can figure things out. You can't keep crying in

lips. "Don't worry about

"I'm off tomorrow."

rest of your day off in

the restroom, and heading down the

seeing that I have one last patient

look back and meet my younger self, I never thought she'd make it this far. The whole journey to become a doctor was harder than

light up as soon as he saw me. He was always like that. Some nurses said he was looking forward to meeting me even though he was only admitted last

had my fair share of flirtatious

she is,

haven't touched your

told you many times. Just

you sleep last night?" One of the nurses walked in, taking a pen and a notepad in case she needed to jolt down

okay. Thanks to the

You can discharge soon." I smiled, standing

and not older than thirty-five. He fell off the stairs at his house and ended

eyes. The smile he had on his face was entertaining, as if he was a teenager who had a crush on an older woman. He never seemed to bother me much during his

ever told you how

"I received compliments about

deserve them. You're

I smiled, leaning back before

... perhaps,

but I'm not." The lie was as smooth as butter. It was a habit to lie to patients about my marital status if they started to get a bit hopeful. I

would be too crazy to

on your finger." He glanced down at my hands, "Can I take

to laugh, and it was obvious she was holding it back, but I kept

ring when I'm

My attending nurse, Karla, added and occasionally glancing at my direction a few times. She was quite close to me, and she knew how many patients had try

your recovery. I'll see you next week," Karla and I walked out,

holding the notepad close to her chest. "That would be

"Twentieth."

from all the

I joked and

a long one. Please, get some

you next

the basement, I stepped inside and let out a long sigh. I