Accidental Surrogate for Alpha

Ella

“Ella, I love you, but you’re driving me crazy.” My sister’s voice floats through my phone, sounding more exasperated than irritated. After his shower, Sinclair went to his office, and I promptly called my sister for advice.

“What do you mean?” I inquire hesitantly, I’ve just finished explaining

“I mean,” She sighs heavily, “Who are you, and what have you done with my sister? You’ve always known exactly what you wanted and done whatever was necessary to make it happen. You are a strong, independent woman – not some bratty, indecisive, emotional basket-case who’s too caught up in a man to know her own heart.” She gr0ans.

I wish I could argue with her assessment of my behavior, but I know she’s right. However, before I can acknowledge as much, she continues, “It’s like: you like Sinclair, you don’t like Sinclair. You want to be with him one moment, and the next you’re trying to foist him off on another Woman- just make up your mind! I swear, I don’t even recognize you anymore!”

“Can’t you see that’s the problem! I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”I exclaim, rubbing my sore neck. “My entire life has been turned upside down. “

“I known! Because that’s all you ever talk about anymore.” She bursts, interrupting me. “Do you have any idea when you last asked me about my life? That you showed interest in anything other than yoủr own problems?”

Her words sting, and I realize she’s right. I have been so wrapped up in my own drama that I’ve been neglecting my sister. I hate to think it, but the truth is I don’t have any idea what’s going on with her. “Tm sorry, Cora. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing, but it would be nice to know you care!”

She snaps, sounding more than a little petulant.

And she had the nerve to call us bratty! The little voice in my head observes.

“Are you serious?” I hiss. “People are trying to kill me, Cora. A psychotic bitch drugged and attempted to rape the father of my child. I’m committing a fraud of epic proportions in order to save an entire fucking species from civil war. And you’re pissed because for the first time in our entire lives, I’m not ignoring my own needs to take care of yours?”

“I never asked you to do that!” Cora argues, “you made that choice all on your own.”

“Because I had to!” I growl. “I had to be the strong one because you always fell apart at the first sign of trouble.”

should have let me

defensively, “maybe if you had, I would have learned to stand on my own rather

eyes shut. “You know what I went through in order to protect you.”I finally say, my voice

speaks again. “You know that isn’t what I meant.. but I have to live with the guilt of knowing you were hurt because

if you hadn’t protected me then at least we would have been

never forgiven myself if I had.”I share, even as a wave of sorrow swells inside me to learn how

willing to talk about it.” Cora scoffs. “I suppose that’s one thing I can thank Dominic for.

“I think maybe that’s why this is all so hard for me. I feel so … raw. I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotionally vulnerable, and I don’t have the first clue how

have to take responsibility for learning now

insane.” I object pointedly. “It’s not like this isn’t

I think belatedly. I’m in love. I admitted that I was falling for Sinclair a while ago, but this is the first time I’ve been able to acknowledge that I passed the point of

swear El, if you call your relationship with that little weasel love, I will come over there and smack

not like it started out that way.” I defend, wondering if I’m being honest even as I say the words. “I did

ask you something. Did you ever feel even a fraction of what you feel for Dominic, for

been in such deep denial about Sinclair that I haven’t even considered comparing my feelings for the men. As soon as I think back on the relationship, I see the truth glaring back at me, “No.”I

why do you think you believed you were in love with him for all those years?”

let

I didn’t have the first idea what a healthy relationship

just too young and inexperienced to realize it at the time.” She has the grace not to say “I told

kick him in the balls before he could ever introduce

chuckle,

do about Dominic, now that you’ve figured all this out?” Cora

do love him? So what if my baggage is causing all these mixed-up feelings? That doesn’t change the situation we’re in. I can’t make myself a wolf, and I can’t make him a human or non-alpha – I probably wouldn’t even