Chapter 35

Perhaps it was because he first shared his family stories so openly that I found it easier to speak.

Hesitating, I said,

"My mom passed away, and my dad, like yours, cut ties with me."

That year, at my mom's funeral, a sea of people came, all dressed in black.

The master of ceremonies gave a long eulogy, but I couldn't fully understand it. My mind wandered midway.

I remember looking at my mom's photo, where she seemed to smile at me, and I smiled back.

The next second, I was slapped to the ground by my father.

He roared, "Your mom's dead! How can you still smile?"

Everyone turned to look at me as if I were some kind of monster.

In that moment, I was terrified.

Tears welled in my eyes, but I bit my lips and didn't dare make a sound.

In the first year after my mom's passing, my dad often sat in the living room at night, flipping through her letters and photos.

By the second year, he had packed her belongings into a few boxes and pushed them into a dusty corner.

By the third year, he had remarried.

The new stepmom dumped the boxes into the yard, saying she wanted to burn them all.

I desperately rummaged through the pile and saved the camera, holding it tightly to my chest.

I burned myself in the process.

From then on, the camera became the only thing left of my mom.

Later, my younger sister was born.

The love and attention of the whole family shifted to her.

I grew up as if invisible, turning eighteen without anyone noticing.

I went to college to study medicine.

enrollment, my dad handed me a thick stack of

an adult now.

nodded and counted

the

my teachers and classmates praised me for being well-suited to

stay calm no matter

this

composure, but only I knew—I was too scared

wondered if, on the day of the funeral, I hadn't

still have abandoned

the years, I've grown

ever laughed

something even

I let out a

heart for so long, had never been shared with anyone

The usual faint smile at the corners of

was unusually

have you forgotten? You were only

a

and laughing are a

suppressing yourself because no one

but it

stopped speaking to me for a long

sister was born, my needs were

college, I had to juggle my studies and find ways to

there wasn't a single moment when I had been

so I understood that my tears and

to bury them deep

head, I

but I'm an adult now. It's impossible to

I want to laugh, or cry when I want to

jolt ran through my ribs, like a

let out a strange yelp and

was Joseph

a playful smile, he said,

to dodge,

as if there was a switch on my

tried to keep my

out like

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