Chapter 5 – Pregnancy test

Ella

“No, I understand.” I murmur into the phone. “Thanks for listening at least.”

I wearily hang up the line, burying my head in my hands. I spent all morning calling in every favor and loan I possibly could, throwing my dignity right out the window to beg my friends and acquaintances in my time of need.

I’ve never thought of myself as a proud woman, but begging this way was more of a challenge than I could have imagined.

I only wish I could help Cora as well as myself. She’s still waiting to hear if she’ll be fired, and while she’s not supposed to be handling any samples, she got permission to do my tests this afternoon. After all, I’ve already been inseminated, so her supervisor didn’t see any risk of further negligence.

Still, I’m far from excited when I walk through the front doors of the sperm bank. Ten days ago I was heartsore but optimistic for the future, yearning for a baby more than anything else in the world. Now I’m dreading the exam.

However my trepidation soon gives way to surprise, because as soon as I enter the facility I have the strangest feeling that Dominic Sinclair is near. It takes me a while to actually find him, behind closed doors with Cora’s bosses in a luxurious, gla*s-walled conference room, but I don’t have the faintest idea how I knew he was present. I also don’t understand why I feel drawn to him: after all, he’s ruined both my sister’s and my own life. I shouldn’t be excited to see him.

It was dumb luck that I stumbled across his path, the conference room is on the way to Cora’s office, but I find myself stopping to observe the meeting inside. I’m struck speechless when I lay eyes on him. Is it possible that he’s gotten more attractive since the last time I saw him? It was already unfair that somebody that powerful and intelligent could be so handsome, but now it truly just feels like being kicked while I’m down. The bas ta rd has a heart of stone, and still the universe has rained endless gifts upon him while people like Cora and I have nothing.

Shaking myself out of my trance, I continue down the hall, though I feel the weight of dark eyes on my back as I retreat. Cora has clearly been crying when I arrive. Her eyes are red and her cheeks splotchy, though she tries to hide it.

“Hey.” I greet her gently, wrapping her up in a hug. She leans into me, squeezing tight and lingering far longer than she usually would. “Is there any news?”

finalizing it all now. I’m going to be given formal termination notice this afternoon.” She

sorry, honey.” I

She lies, pulling away. “How are you

“I’m sort of dreading this, to be

fast things can change, huh?” She asks, looking as though she might

tight spots before.” I remind her, “remember the summer we slept in boxes on the street after we ran away from

winter now, I don’t think we’ll last long in the elements. And you weren’t pregnant

can’t look her in the eyes as I say this, “I don’t think I’m

chance! And we aren’t completely hopeless, you’ve got time to try

latest news with Cora. “I can’t afford a baby even if I do find a job. I’m going to be paying off my debts for

dues, I thought we were done with suffering. After everything we’ve been through, we deserve a better future than this!

a doctor.” I reply.

trimester. It would be a tragedy if you aborted it, then pulled off a miracle and it turned out you could have kept

don’t think miracles happen to people like me.” I remark softly. “Besides that seems kind of like it’s own form of torture – the longer I carry the baby the more attached I’m going to get. I don’t want this

to hurt no matter what.” Cora reasons, “You ought to give yourself a chance – keep

the first place.” I state, changing the subject. “I

Cora agrees, pulling a sterile cup wrapped in plastic from one of her cabinets. “You

the cup and quickly duck into the bathroom to provide a urine sample, returning it to her almost immediately. I pace back and forth across the

“Congratulations little sister,

the words are out of her mouth I’m crying. I’ve been waiting to hear those words for years and was beginning to think I never would. It’s both unimaginable joy, and unimaginable pain. I never knew my heart could hold such conflicting emotions at

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