Chapter 121 – Ella’s Past

Trigger Warning: This chapter contains experiences of abuse and S**ual a*sault – nothing explicit, but please take care reading!

Sinclair

Ella’s small body is completely stiff in my arms, even though we’re in her favorite place. I’ve only bathed with her once before, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how much she loves a bubble bath. She takes at least four a week, and when she’s upset I’ve known her to have a bath even after showering. Until I spoke with Cora about Ella’s self-care practices, I didn’t understand the connection to her childhood experience of neglect, but now that I know I’m determined never to deprive her of the comfort – even if my water bills go through the roof and the city goes into a drought.

“Are you ready to talk this out, trouble?” I inquire, resting my hands on her round tummy and feeling a pulse of stress from the baby. A fresh spark of worry a*sails me, and I know that Rafe is channeling his mother’s fraught emotions. Ella doesn’t respond to my question, and I press on, realizing that the poor little wolf isn’t going to relax until she knows I’m not going to reject her. “Sweetheart, it never even crossed my mind to end things. I love you.”

Ella’s muscles tighten further, though I didn’t think such a thing was possible. “But…” She stammers, twisting around to look at me, “but you left!”

cheek. “But it wasn’t because I ever had doubts about us.” I share, wondering about my sweet mate’s reaction. I know some survivors of child abuse view any confrontation as a disaster or threat, but Ella has weathered my anger in the past without any signs of

didn’t just think you might end things.” She whispers, staring at the water. “I wasn’t even sure you’d come back… I think… I think maybe I have some abandonment issues I wasn’t completely aware

that she can straddle my lap. “I”m so sorry, baby.” I profess, kissing her head and stroking her spine. “I shouldn’t have left you when you were already upset, I just don’t trust myself not to say things I don’t mean when I’m that angry. The same way I would never make a pack ruling or deliver a punishment in the height of a fury. I think taking some space in the heat of the moment can be healthy, but maybe we can find some way to take breaks in fights without too much physical distance.” I suggest. “But even if we can’t, you need to know that no matter how far I go or how long I stay away, I

your Luna, but you have to admit that I’m not pulling my weight here. This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to be there for you and

an ogre. You stand up to bullies like the Prince and Lydia, and you share my burdens even when I don’t want you to. Moreover, I need to dominate my mate. It’s in an Alpha’s DNA to nurture and protect. If you didn’t

I didn’t let you.

the terror that came over her beautiful face when I suggested tying her up. I’ve growled and grumbled at Ella a thousand times. I’ve put her over my knee and overpowered her countless times without any issue. In fact most of the time her wolf responds to my bossiness like a bee to honey.

nudges my fingers as Ella gives a slight nod, and then her wide gaze returns to

have to relive her painful memories, but I know that wouldn’t help anything. “We’re in a S**ual relationship, Ella. I can’t avoid

my mate to cry for the upteenth time today. “Do we have to talk about

so.” I resolve gravely. “It’s never going to hurt any less, and the sooner you tell me, the sooner it will be

is a year older than me, but when she turned eleven and was going to be moved into a dorm with the older girls we both panicked a bit. We’d always been together and didn’t want to be separated, and she also used to crawl into my bed at night when she had nightmares – which was most nights. She was afraid that the older

agreed, but the dormitory matron seemed really pleased to have me.” Ella pauses, taking a deep breath. “She was always telling me how pretty I was… and that she’d had her eye on me for some time. I didn’t understand what she meant, but she always gave me a really uneasy feeling. In hindsight I think that might have been

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