And Then There Were Four (Lilith Carrie)

Chapter 185: Mapping out the Future

Cassie.

I didn't know what to make of it when Lucas kissed me, but the moment he did, I melted into him with a soft moan that only seemed to make his actions more frenzied. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself up closer, helping to deepen the kiss already captivating me.

I had dreamt of this moment for so long, and now that I was finally having it once more, I didn't want it to end. I couldn't let go. Just his touch alone captivated my heart and made it soar higher than I'd ever made it felt. However, the moment I pulled closer, he quickly broke away.

“We have to stop,“ he whispered. He was breathless just as I was, and the sound of his voice swirled within my ears because the close proximity of us together made me shiver with anticipation.

“Why are you stopping? We don't have to stop.*

Staring into his eyes, I could see the heavy confliction that weighed within part of him wanting this, but the other part, the unruly-fearing part, did not. We had only had this once before, where we had actually allowed ourselves to give in to the indulgence we wanted. After that, things became chaotic, both of us unable to move forward because of the darkness that ended up taking over Lucas's mind. Darkness I wouldn't allow to ever come back.

I loved him. Wholeheartedly, I did. But I could never tell him that, not truly. Not unless I knew he felt the same way. And with the way he looked at me now, I couldn't help but feel conflicted if my feelings were true or if I was simply being a fool.

“As much as I want to do this, Cassie, I can't. You are the prize at the end of these games, and I will admit that I am scared. I'm terrified of hurting you again. But the other part of me longs for you more than you know. So if I want to be by your side, I'm going to have to win the games just like any other contestant would."

I was shocked he was saying this, that he was going to participate in the games when Silas was the one who had asked him to come into it in the first place. He didn't come into it willingly. He came into it because he was told to, and now he was saying if he wanted this with me, he would just have to win the games.

Was that like him saying if he didn't win, it was because he didn't want to?

not I was going to actually allow this to happen or if I should just push him further and take advantage of a situation, which would definitely be in my character. But then again, sometimes I wondered what my character was, considering

know

throat. What I knew was a sense of amusement he felt at my confusion. Something that even more so infuriated me because I was confused, and he found

He stared at me with such intent, I would never be able to forget it. "I know that all of this is confusing. But as

are together, then there's no point of the games at all," I replied in desperation, trying to make him see the truth behind it. That if we did go ahead and consummate

the possibility of being together, we both have to follow the rules. There are too

"Who in the hell would actually go to war with Odin? They would be

that, Cassie. Everyone who looks at me sees the man that almost killed you, that did kill you. They see a monster, and if we break the rules of the games, they're never going to not see me like that. They will always see

him like he was a murderer, a monstrosity that shouldn't be an Asgard, but Odin had deemed that he was to stay here under the watchful gaze of his reign and therefore stay here by me even if they didn't

see the way that some of the other gods had looked at him

I stood in the hall with everyone else that was part of Odin's reign and watched Lucas sink to his knees before Odin with his head bowed and his eyes cast to the floor,

but as a punishment to keep him from leaving and going back to Earth where he could possibly cause mayhem that could destroy or even lure me or the

remembered so vaguely my grandfather saying those words, I couldn't help but

understanding to what Lucas was saying. There was no way I was going to actually be able to get what I wanted, and that was clear. I tell myself over and over again on a continual basis that I need to grow up, that I

for everything I did it

side. But I knew that it would be quite some time before that happened. The only way I'd be able to see

what you feel you need to do, then so be it. But if you're going to do that, then we don't need to see each other again outside of the games. You wouldn't want anybody thinking that there was cheating going on, would

to meet his gaze once more, I saw something that

and closing his mouth, he gritted his teeth and nodded.