Chapter 86
Somedays… I question getting out of bed.
I’d add today to that list because… dying.
And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world
that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be
granted to me finally is.
Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.
I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla
ice cream.
I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.
Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.
The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.
Every beautiful milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim and
climb trees.
in my arms when they’re si ck
them each night before they
hundred thoughts come to
my phone. I
call him.
truth. To share this joy-however brief it may be for
think he’d
probably shouldn’t assume.
pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to this pack
stomach.
I feel
me: We need to abort. You
combat the ca ncer. You can try
my life over my
probably the right choice,
doesn’t feel right.
baby deserves a chance.
through my phone to another
far from my mind, no matter
it. I hit
answered on the second ring.
That voice.
A rumbling bass that I can feel to
extremities.
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