Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

Every beautiful milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim and

climb trees.

arms when

each night before they fall

come to

grab my phone. I scroll to Aaron’s contact.

to call him.

him to have the truth. To share this joy-however brief it may be for

think he’d be happy.

shouldn’t assume.

don’t know that my pack would be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to

stomach.

swirls in my heart I feel

We need to

to combat the ca ncer. You can try again for a

life over my

the right choice, objectively.

it doesn’t

deserves

to another name. The one person

is never far from my mind, no matter how much

it. I hit

is answered on the second

That voice.

raspy. A rumbling bass that I can feel to my

extremities.

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