Chapter 86
Somedays… I question getting out of bed.
I’d add today to that list because… dying.
And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world
that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be
granted to me finally is.
Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.
I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla
ice cream.
I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.
Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.
The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.
Every beautiful milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim and
climb trees.
in my arms when
I love them each night before
thoughts come to me and melt
my phone. I scroll to
to call him.
wants him to have the truth. To share this joy-however brief it may
think he’d
shouldn’t
It cements Aaron’s
stomach.
love swirls in my heart I feel like I can’t contain
We need to abort. You
ncer. You can try
my life over
probably the right choice,
doesn’t
baby deserves a
scroll through my phone to another
matter how much I need
ew it. I hit
call is answered on the second ring.
That voice.
deep and raspy. A rumbling bass that
extremities.
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