Chapter 86
Somedays… I question getting out of bed.
I’d add today to that list because… dying.
And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world
that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be
granted to me finally is.
Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.
I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla
ice cream.
I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.
Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.
The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.
Every beautiful milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim and
climb trees.
arms when they’re si
love them each night before they
thoughts come to me and melt
phone. I scroll to Aaron’s
call
to have the truth. To share this joy-however brief it may be for me.
he’d be happy.
shouldn’t assume.
be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to
stomach.
love swirls in my heart I feel like
texts me: We need to abort. You can
the ca ncer. You can try again for a
values my life over my
the
it doesn’t feel right.
deserves a
to another name.
far from my mind, no matter how much I need him
it. I
the second ring. “Hey Leah.”
That voice.
bass that I can
extremities.
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