Chapter 86
Somedays… I question getting out of bed.
I’d add today to that list because… dying.
And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world
that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be
granted to me finally is.
Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.
I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla
ice cream.
I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.
Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.
The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.
Every beautiful milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim and
climb trees.
them in my arms when they’re
them each night
to me and melt
I scroll to
to call
of me wants him to have the truth. To share this joy-however brief it
he’d be
probably shouldn’t assume.
pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to this
stomach.
much love swirls in my heart I feel
to abort. You can
ncer. You can try again for a baby, Leah.
life over my
the
doesn’t
baby deserves
scroll through my phone to another
my mind, no matter how much
it. I hit
on the second ring.
That voice.
A rumbling bass that
extremities.
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