Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

Every beautiful milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim and

climb trees.

arms when they’re si ck or

them each night before

to

grab my phone. I scroll to Aaron’s contact.

call him.

to have the truth.

he’d be

shouldn’t assume.

pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to this pack through my baby. I touch my

stomach.

in my heart I feel like I can’t contain

to

You can try

values my life over my

it’s probably the

doesn’t feel right.

baby deserves a

to another name. The one

no matter how much I need him to be.

it. I hit

answered on the second

That voice.

rumbling bass that I can feel to my

extremities.

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