Chapter 86
Somedays… I question getting out of bed.
I’d add today to that list because… dying.
And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world
that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be
granted to me finally is.
Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.
I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla
ice cream.
I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.
Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.
The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.
Every beautiful milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim and
climb trees.
my arms when they’re si ck
love them each night
to
my phone. I scroll
to call him.
him to have the truth. To
think he’d
shouldn’t
pack would be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to this pack through my baby. I touch
stomach.
love swirls in my heart I feel like
We need to abort. You can undergo
can try again for a baby,
life over
it’s probably the
it doesn’t
baby deserves
my phone to another name.
is never far from my mind, no matter how much I
ew it. I
is answered on the second
That voice.
deep and raspy. A rumbling bass that I
extremities.
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