Chasing His Kickass Luna Back by Jane Above Story

#Chapter 45: Bad Taste
Abby

“Adam… Are you cheating on me?”

The anticipation of what Adam is about to say feels like a giant pit in my stomach. He stares down at

his hands, his fingers worrying each other in the dim light of the bar.

“Abby,” his voice starts with a tremor, “I’m not cheating on you. I would never do something like that.

Not to anyone, and especially not to you.”

The sound of the soft jazz music I’ve got playing on the speakers almost seems to die down, replaced

by a poignant silence. I’m a little relieved, but not completely. In an odd way, I think that I almost wish

he was cheating on me. It would make things easier. But now, I think that it must only be an even more

complicated explanation, and whatever it is, I’m not sure if I’m ready for it.

“What is it, then?” I ask. Every fiber of my being is attuned to him, waiting.

Adam hesitates for a moment, raking a hand through his hair, a gesture I’ve come to associate with his

nervousness.

“I’m not into women.”

His words crash over me like a tidal wave. I struggle to keep my composure, trying to grasp what he’s

just admitted. My mind goes blank, and then rushes in with a barrage of thoughts.

Confusion, hurt, and disbelief lead the charge.

“You’re… g ay, Adam? And you knew all this time?”

Adam nods slowly. I feel like I’m drowning. “You knew all this time, and yet you still put a ring on my

finger,” I murmur, shaking my head in disbelief. This has got to be some kind of sick dream. “Why did

you get together with me so quickly, then?”

After a moment of tense pause, Adam speaks. “I got together with you so quickly because…” He sighs,

his voice barely above a whisper. “…It made my family happy. It was a way to keep my secret buried

deep.”

forms in my throat. Tears well up, threatening

this to me, of all the people in the

takes a shaky breath, his gaze filled with remorse. “It wasn’t planned,

suffocating. Being

But as things

lie I trapped myself

feel sick. “That’s not fair,” I mutter, blinking away the

it’s not fair,” he murmurs. “And I

I just kept telling myself

to you, you

thought that I could get over the other stuff and just spend my life

me happy.”

just the two of us in our bubble of truth and revelations.

as I want to rage at him, I

but an understanding of the chains society can wrap around someone,

expectations and norms.

so, so

of this. I care about you, deeply. But not in the way you should be cared for. Not

romantic way you deserve.”

eyes, trying to stem the tears. “Why didn’t you tell

evident in my voice. “Why let it go on

own emotions. “Fear,” he

the one person who made me feel

all this time, every touch, every moment, was it

quickly, “No, not a lie. Distorted, yes. But I’ve cherished our moments, Abby.

couldn’t offer you the kind of love

help but feel a pang of sympathy. Here is a man, torn and twisted by societal

at my expense? The juxtaposition

distant sounds of people passing by on the

it all sounds so far away.

to the engagement ring on my finger.

a love that wasn’t truly mine. With tears

finality of the gesture not lost on

ring to Adam. He looks down, his

same pain I feel.

and I can

him, my tears

belong to me anymore.”