Chasing His Kickass Luna Back by Jane Above Story

#Chapter 45: Bad Taste
Abby

“Adam… Are you cheating on me?”

The anticipation of what Adam is about to say feels like a giant pit in my stomach. He stares down at

his hands, his fingers worrying each other in the dim light of the bar.

“Abby,” his voice starts with a tremor, “I’m not cheating on you. I would never do something like that.

Not to anyone, and especially not to you.”

The sound of the soft jazz music I’ve got playing on the speakers almost seems to die down, replaced

by a poignant silence. I’m a little relieved, but not completely. In an odd way, I think that I almost wish

he was cheating on me. It would make things easier. But now, I think that it must only be an even more

complicated explanation, and whatever it is, I’m not sure if I’m ready for it.

“What is it, then?” I ask. Every fiber of my being is attuned to him, waiting.

Adam hesitates for a moment, raking a hand through his hair, a gesture I’ve come to associate with his

nervousness.

“I’m not into women.”

His words crash over me like a tidal wave. I struggle to keep my composure, trying to grasp what he’s

just admitted. My mind goes blank, and then rushes in with a barrage of thoughts.

Confusion, hurt, and disbelief lead the charge.

“You’re… g ay, Adam? And you knew all this time?”

Adam nods slowly. I feel like I’m drowning. “You knew all this time, and yet you still put a ring on my

finger,” I murmur, shaking my head in disbelief. This has got to be some kind of sick dream. “Why did

you get together with me so quickly, then?”

After a moment of tense pause, Adam speaks. “I got together with you so quickly because…” He sighs,

his voice barely above a whisper. “…It made my family happy. It was a way to keep my secret buried

deep.”

up, threatening to spill. “But why me, Adam?”

of

breath, his gaze filled with remorse. “It wasn’t planned, Abby. When we

suffocating. Being with you, it gave me an

felt genuine. But

lie I trapped myself

feel sick. “That’s not fair,” I mutter, blinking away the tears that threaten to come. “You toyed

know it’s not fair,” he murmurs. “And I know it’s

our relationship, I just kept telling myself

to you, you made me laugh and smile

I thought that I could get over the other

me happy.”

around us fades, and it’s just the two of us in our bubble of truth

much as I want to rage at him, I find myself filled with a strange understanding.

society

expectations and norms.

speaking, words tumbling out. “I’m so, so sorry, Abby. I’ve been

about you, deeply. But not in the way you should

romantic way you deserve.”

rub the heel of my hand into my eyes, trying to stem

in my voice. “Why let it go on

eyes are glistening, mirroring my own emotions. “Fear,” he chokes out. “I was afraid of losing

the one person who

all this time, every touch, every

head, quickly, “No, not a lie.

I couldn’t offer you the kind of

a pang of sympathy. Here

place. But at my expense? The juxtaposition is

heavy silence stretches between us. The distant sounds of people passing by on the

away.

engagement ring on my finger. The

wasn’t truly mine. With tears blurring my

finality of the gesture

the once treasured ring

same pain I feel.

racks, and I can tell he’s struggling with his

pushing the ring towards him, my tears now

belong to me anymore.”