Abby

My apartment is dark when I finally get home tonight. It still smells faintly of

fresh paint from the new coat that my landlord put on, but I can still sense the

lingering scent of smoke, too.

I decide to avoid the harsh glow of the kitchen lights as I plop the wine glass

that’s been tucked under my arm onto the counter island, followed by the bag of

takeout food that I picked up on my way home.

It’s still warm, the grease beginning to seep through the bag as the faint smell of

garlic and onions permeates through the air. On any other night, I might be

delighted to dig in; but honestly, I have no appetite tonight. Even the thought of

Enter title…

food makes me sick after everything, after all of the failed dishes. But I know I

need to eat, and if I don’t, I know I’ll regret it later.

For a moment, I dig through my cupboard for a plate and some silverware, but

eventually decide to opt out of the plate.

The cork gives a subtle pop as I open the wine. No glass, I decide. Not tonight. I

take a swig straight from the bottle, the sharp taste of alcohol momentarily

cutting through the numbness. It’s a start.

I crash onto the couch, the plush cushions a welcome comfort after being on my

feet all day. The TV flickers to life with a soft buzz a moment later, and I navigate

N*****x to drown myself in a world away

not sure how much time passes. Hours, maybe. I feel like

wine, and even cheaper food. But

the disdainful look in Logan’s

playing in front of me,

movies on the screen.

to myself

was so sure that I would win. And

I lost, either; it’s that I was humiliated

were swapped, tussles were had,

were ignored.

be a culinary laughingstock. Hell,

out of my

there tonight. I

barraged with a chorus of sympathies

Right now, I just want to hide my head in

some point, the bottle of wine finally empties. I don’t

enough proof. Groaning, I push my way

couch and shuffle into the kitchen, where another

pop that open, too, and make

the doorway with the second

scene on the TV, that I hear it: my wolf’s voice, clear as day,

back of my

just going to wallow in misery, or are you going

forward?”

is like a slap to the face, or a

me completely by surprise in my current

grasp, wine splashing onto the

out loud and nearly fall onto the

the kitchen

warned me,” I say out loud as I grab the

knees and dabbing it into the carpet before

“Now I’ve

really your main concern, Abby?”

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