Chapter 71

3: Gage.

When I wake up, she's gone.

It's like having a claw hammer buried in my skull.

I dive out of bed with a bellow, clutching at the sheets like I'm going to find her hidden in there. Where the hell did she go? Where the fuck did she go?

The anger has returned with a vengeance in her absence.

I scratch at my chest until blood shows up in angry welts. When she was in my arms, the snakes were kept at bay. Now she's gone and they're bigger, more vicious.

"Stella!"

I rampage through my apartment, knocking trophies off shelves. Pictures of me with the university president, the governor. People who mean nothing to me.

There's just her now. There's only her.

Just before I reach the kitchen, I stumble to a stop in front of a picture of my father. Standing beside me as confetti rains down, the marching band behind us, batons raised. Gone. The only other person to ever mean anything to me.

Gone. The snake fangs dig into my stomach with more force and I almost go down on my knees. Need her. I need her here now.

Do I even have her phone number?

My laughter doesn't hold a single note of amusement. I brought her here to live with me last night and I don't even have her phone number. Just an email address. I slide down the wall and bury my face in my hands, trying to breathe through the chaos in my head. Think. Think.

through my door last night, she was clinging to

from a

little body in. And there will be fifty more after that. Fifty

at my hair, frustration

then I

is a paper with words on it

until it's in my hands. Until

have political science at 8:20. Hope I see you

lecture hall. There are barely any

onto the refrigerator so

Preferably when she's stuffed full

on that body of hers. And I'll inform her in no uncertain terms that

are no maybes in this

every day for the

the counter and dial administration, asking for the dean by his first name. The man wears my jersey number on the sideline at games, so the secretary doesn't hesitate to put

tutoring session go with Ms. McCartney? If you don't like her, we

laugh. "That

Understatement.

broken, like me. If she can help me glue together the shit show I've made of my life, I can do the same for her. I will. She'll never go another day without

hands on her

hear. Only our

star quarterback. We can't have you missing the championship

in the back. If he knew I was not only failing a class, but that I'd gotten arrested for vandalism, he would be appalled. He isn't here anymore, though, is he? He checked out and now I'm supposed to continue on as if everything is normal. As if the outcome of a fucking football

be able to think straight until she's back in my arms. "I need a

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