Chapter 69

Chapter 69

"Do you have your safety plan in place. Kylan" James was still casual as he spoke, but Rylan knew him well enough to pick up on the slight edge. has voice.

Kylan scoffed and shook his head bitterly. "I don't

need a safe

a safety plan. James. I'll be fine this year, he snapped at him.

"You're never fine. At least have Ryan at the ready or even your new girlfriend," James suggested, the edge to his vo

voice growing stronger.

Kylan paused at the mention of Katrina. He didn't want to talk about her. Not while he was already struggling to maintain his mask of indifference. "You've read the news, then," he deadpanned "I follow you on your social media. Kylan," James replied with a raise of an eyebrow.

Kylan shrugged, picking up his cup by the rim and forcing a bit of the hot liquid down his throat. It was fine, he supposed. Good enough to drink. anyway. It's partly why they came to Ralph's every year, "How's that going, by the way! I didn't peg you as someone to ever want to date anyone else. The way he said it. It made Kylan feel cold. Far colder than December in New York could make him feel. "James, let's not. Kylan's voice was low. Low and guarded.

"Why not You're dating someone else. You're happy, are you not, Kylan! You're happy, and she's dead. I don't need to remind you why that's partly your fault" James' words didn't surprise Kylan, but they broke him all the same.

"If you came here only to talk to me like this, you can f*ck off I'm not interested in being blamed by you anymore. I already blame myself enough for the God damn both of us," Kylan practically growled, his hands tightening around his cup.

James took a shuddering breath, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he seemed a bit calmer. A bit more in control. "You're right. Tim sorry. Kylan. I just. It's going to be nine years, you know? Nine years without her. Nine years without. F*ck. It's just almost ten, you know? Almost a whole decade Hs voice caught in his throat and Kylan frowned at him.

voice a shadow of a

be Yasmin. No one can be. Tears pooled at the comers

when he was running

Kylan responded honestly. It was true, absolutely true. When James started dating someone else, he felt nothing but relief Relief and elation that he had allowed himself to move

want him to be happy, too.

was too hot now Way too hot. "It's supposed to snow again soon, you should make sure you have proper boots before trekking down Broadway, yeah" He could no longer meet James's gaze, his mind filled with the ghost that tormented his conscious and

to her grave?" James asked softly, reaching our

gritting his teeth, and trying not to pull away. "I don't

girlfriend? She's gorgeous" He shifted the conversation and Kylan's frown

you think that! She seems in love with you. You can tell just from the

James. A lot of the time, that shit controls my life. There was no use lying to him. He knew better than most, just how f*cked

proud to try therapy?" James asked him, leaning forward on the table and

shook his head. "F*ck that. I can barely open up to the people in my life, let alone a damn stranger," he grumbled.

you're right. But I don't have time for that shit. Kylan drank his remaining tea and sighed. "It's good to see you, James. You look like the happier one out of the two of us" He stood from his chair and James followed suit. They walked out of the cafe together and then James paused near Kylan's car. "Your

2:59 PM

Chapter 69

worried, far more worried than he deserved from James most

waiting in the car like a

shoulder. "Be nice, brother. She respects our privacy and

despite himself. "I'm happy for you, James. Really. He

uh.. She would want you to be happy, too. She would want you to. To feel fulfilled." James' voice was quivering, and Kylan didn't need to look at him to know that he was crying again. "Mmm. It was good to

James. The latter both simultaneously blamed him but also loved him. Kylan only loved James and hated himself. He hated that his relationship with James had been reduced to a once-a-year meeting to talk about

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