Divorce to Destiny: Reclaiming My CEO Husband by Anney GW

499 Not Mother Material

(Lisa)

Dr. Harris's voice echoes in my head:

She's stable for now, but the next 24 hours are critical. Heavy blood loss. The surgery was successful, but we had to perform a hysterectomy to save her life.

Hysterectomy. That word affects a woman. I don't know, it's the finality of it, I guess. One of life's fundamental functions of the female body, taken away.

I feel guilty because here I am perfectly functioning and not wanting to be a mother. Some who want that more than anything never get to have it. But mothering, it's not for me. I'm a free spirit. I like to go with the breeze.

Kids are a lot of work and responsibility. I've watched Winona... I just don't have that in me. And that's okay. It's okay to want something different.

But hearing it for Winona and Jayden knocks the air out of me. They wanted this baby so much. I wanted it for them. But it was out of anyone's control. Now, all chances at miracles are wiped.

I wonder if Winona will see it as a clean slate or if it will eat away inside her for the rest of her life?

I glance at Jayden, standing just a few feet away, his shoulders squared but his face haunted. He nods at the doctor, asking questions, staying composed because that's what Jayden does now. He never was the one to keep it together when emotions are involved but he's come a long way.

Meanwhile, I'm drowning in my own head. Winona's miracle pregnancy, gone. Me not wanting kids ever. I feel a knot in my stomach, the unfairness of it all twists inside me.

Cass is beside me, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, her knuckles white. She hasn't said a word since Dr. Harris left, and I don't know if it's because she doesn't know what to say or because she's afraid she'll fall apart if she opens her mouth.

much this meant to Winona. Their family has had so much loss, and here I am still angry because

no right to wallow in a decision I could never

the ICU soon," he says, his voice

Like that's even

leaving yet," I say softly. My voice doesn't have the usual bite it might in a situation like this. I know I can't do anything for Winona by staying

okay again. I never left her then and I won't now. Not until I figure out what I can do to

meet mine, and for a moment, the tension in

okay," I interrupt gently, folding my arms across my

eyes makes me want to cry. Jayden and I, we don't always agree, and we've

shifts beside

her silence. "She'll make it through this," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "She has to. She's Winona." Jayden runs a hand through his hair, the strain in his movements

than for myself. "Winona doesn't give up.

up to strength, is it? Sometimes

a time and no drama. Jayden, you can meet her there now." Jayden jumps up. "I will, thanks." He

is suffocating. Cass leans forward, her elbows on her knees, her head in her

one of the kids. Cass is

say softly, even though

she leans

know what else to do or say. I feel useless, like I'm just taking up space. Jayden