520 A Cry in the Dark

(Winona)

The soft cry of a baby envelopes me.

At first, it's faint, like it's coming from another room. Then it grows louder, more insistent. I'm fumbling, trying to pinpoint the direction, but I can't find it. My hands press against empty air, the cries getting louder. I'm coming, baby. I'm coming.

I wake with a gasp, my chest so tight I can't draw a breath back in. My hands grip the sheets. It's like I've been running. But I'm in bed. My bed.

I look over and see Jayden isn't beside me. But bright sun is coming through the window. I must have slept late.

The room is still. I finally suck a breath into my lungs.

No baby crying. No baby to find. No baby.

The realization twists. I sit up, forcing myself to breathe slowly, deliberately. "It's just a dream," I whisper, running a hand through my hair. "Just a stupid dream."

***

After dressing in a loose shirt and jeans, I decide to head downstairs. The scent of coffee and toast wafts up, warm and inviting. I can hear the kids' chatter and the scrape of chairs against the kitchen floor.

I put the fear from the dream to the side. I can do this. It's a dream. I'm okay.

I reach the top of the stairs, gripping the handrail, but suddenly my chest tightens all over again. My breathing becomes shallow, my vision narrowing as the world tilts slightly.

I step back from the top step and hold onto the wall. It's been a while since I had a panic attack.

"No," I mutter, leaning on the wall with both hands. "Not now."

My legs are jello. Every logical part of my brain tells me to just take a step, but I can't. My body refuses to move.

"Winona?"

I look around.

halfway up the stairs, a breakfast tray in her

though my voice trembles.

hand steady on my arm. "Okay, no

head. "I don't want to stay here. I

she says firmly. "One step at a time, with me. Come on. We got this. Don't look

solid and reassuring. By the time we reach the bottom, I'm both relieved and furious with myself. "Stupid," I mutter under

stupid," Lisa says, leading me to a chair. "Normal. Your

have to

dining room. I'll grab that tray

I don't know what I'd do

you don't have to find

***

on about their plans for the day, blissfully unaware of my earlier struggle.

here with my

dreaming about crying babies and can't even get down

go now?"

clean your teeth and make sure

"Yes, Dad. We know."

"Okay then."

come check under your beds,"

give a

grins. "Aha! Sprung. Actually, let's take a real expert in low spaces. She

let's

as they leave the

hand lightly on

up?" he

"Nothing. I'm okay."

you think I don't need to know about because I

He's damn right. No

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