520 A Cry in the Dark

(Winona)

The soft cry of a baby envelopes me.

At first, it's faint, like it's coming from another room. Then it grows louder, more insistent. I'm fumbling, trying to pinpoint the direction, but I can't find it. My hands press against empty air, the cries getting louder. I'm coming, baby. I'm coming.

I wake with a gasp, my chest so tight I can't draw a breath back in. My hands grip the sheets. It's like I've been running. But I'm in bed. My bed.

I look over and see Jayden isn't beside me. But bright sun is coming through the window. I must have slept late.

The room is still. I finally suck a breath into my lungs.

No baby crying. No baby to find. No baby.

The realization twists. I sit up, forcing myself to breathe slowly, deliberately. "It's just a dream," I whisper, running a hand through my hair. "Just a stupid dream."

***

After dressing in a loose shirt and jeans, I decide to head downstairs. The scent of coffee and toast wafts up, warm and inviting. I can hear the kids' chatter and the scrape of chairs against the kitchen floor.

I put the fear from the dream to the side. I can do this. It's a dream. I'm okay.

I reach the top of the stairs, gripping the handrail, but suddenly my chest tightens all over again. My breathing becomes shallow, my vision narrowing as the world tilts slightly.

I step back from the top step and hold onto the wall. It's been a while since I had a panic attack.

"No," I mutter, leaning on the wall with both hands. "Not now."

My legs are jello. Every logical part of my brain tells me to just take a step, but I can't. My body refuses to move.

"Winona?"

I look around.

the stairs, a breakfast tray in

my

the floor and comes to my side, her hand steady on my arm.

to stay here. I want to

a time, with me. Come on. We got this.

me, her presence solid and reassuring. By the time we reach the bottom, I'm both relieved and furious

me to a chair. "Normal. Your body's

to work through

I'll grab that tray I left up

Lisa. I don't know what I'd

you, you don't have to

***

the breakfast table, the kids chatter on about their plans for the day, blissfully unaware of my earlier struggle. I chatter

here with my family

be in my happy place. Instead, I'm dreaming about crying babies and can't even

go now?" Bobby

and make sure your rooms are done," Jayden

"Yes, Dad. We know."

"Okay then."

I'll come check under your beds,"

kids give

real expert in low spaces.

"Henry, let's

claps his hands as they leave

his hand lightly on

he asks

"Nothing. I'm okay."

remember? That includes things you think I

damn right.

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