520 A Cry in the Dark

(Winona)

The soft cry of a baby envelopes me.

At first, it's faint, like it's coming from another room. Then it grows louder, more insistent. I'm fumbling, trying to pinpoint the direction, but I can't find it. My hands press against empty air, the cries getting louder. I'm coming, baby. I'm coming.

I wake with a gasp, my chest so tight I can't draw a breath back in. My hands grip the sheets. It's like I've been running. But I'm in bed. My bed.

I look over and see Jayden isn't beside me. But bright sun is coming through the window. I must have slept late.

The room is still. I finally suck a breath into my lungs.

No baby crying. No baby to find. No baby.

The realization twists. I sit up, forcing myself to breathe slowly, deliberately. "It's just a dream," I whisper, running a hand through my hair. "Just a stupid dream."

***

After dressing in a loose shirt and jeans, I decide to head downstairs. The scent of coffee and toast wafts up, warm and inviting. I can hear the kids' chatter and the scrape of chairs against the kitchen floor.

I put the fear from the dream to the side. I can do this. It's a dream. I'm okay.

I reach the top of the stairs, gripping the handrail, but suddenly my chest tightens all over again. My breathing becomes shallow, my vision narrowing as the world tilts slightly.

I step back from the top step and hold onto the wall. It's been a while since I had a panic attack.

"No," I mutter, leaning on the wall with both hands. "Not now."

My legs are jello. Every logical part of my brain tells me to just take a step, but I can't. My body refuses to move.

"Winona?"

I look around.

halfway up the stairs, a breakfast tray

quickly, though my voice trembles. "I'm

on the floor and comes to my side, her hand steady

want to stay here. I want to go

"One step at a time, with me.

guide me, her presence solid and reassuring. By the time we reach the bottom, I'm both relieved and

Your

to work

I'll grab that tray I left up

Lisa. I don't know

you don't

***

struggle. I

with my

Instead, I'm dreaming about crying babies and can't even get

we go now?" Bobby

teeth and make sure your rooms are done,"

"Yes, Dad. We know."

"Okay then."

check under your beds,"

kids give a collective

real expert in low spaces. She gets Henry

let's

as they leave

hand

he asks

"Nothing. I'm okay."

think I don't need

right. He's damn

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