520 A Cry in the Dark

(Winona)

The soft cry of a baby envelopes me.

At first, it's faint, like it's coming from another room. Then it grows louder, more insistent. I'm fumbling, trying to pinpoint the direction, but I can't find it. My hands press against empty air, the cries getting louder. I'm coming, baby. I'm coming.

I wake with a gasp, my chest so tight I can't draw a breath back in. My hands grip the sheets. It's like I've been running. But I'm in bed. My bed.

I look over and see Jayden isn't beside me. But bright sun is coming through the window. I must have slept late.

The room is still. I finally suck a breath into my lungs.

No baby crying. No baby to find. No baby.

The realization twists. I sit up, forcing myself to breathe slowly, deliberately. "It's just a dream," I whisper, running a hand through my hair. "Just a stupid dream."

***

After dressing in a loose shirt and jeans, I decide to head downstairs. The scent of coffee and toast wafts up, warm and inviting. I can hear the kids' chatter and the scrape of chairs against the kitchen floor.

I put the fear from the dream to the side. I can do this. It's a dream. I'm okay.

I reach the top of the stairs, gripping the handrail, but suddenly my chest tightens all over again. My breathing becomes shallow, my vision narrowing as the world tilts slightly.

I step back from the top step and hold onto the wall. It's been a while since I had a panic attack.

"No," I mutter, leaning on the wall with both hands. "Not now."

My legs are jello. Every logical part of my brain tells me to just take a step, but I can't. My body refuses to move.

"Winona?"

I look around.

stairs, a

I say quickly, though my voice trembles. "I'm just... a little

and comes to my side, her hand steady on my arm. "Okay, no big deal. Let's just stay here for

my head. "I don't want to

firmly. "One step at a time, with me. Come on.

time we reach the bottom, I'm both relieved and

stupid," Lisa says, leading me to a chair. "Normal. Your body's catching up to your brain.

have to work through

dining room. I'll grab that tray

Lisa. I don't know what I'd do

you don't have

***

blissfully unaware of my earlier struggle. I chatter with them and eat some warm toast and butter. This sure beats the cold toast at

here with my

in my happy place. Instead, I'm dreaming about crying babies

go now?"

teeth and make sure your

"Yes, Dad. We know."

"Okay then."

come check

give a

a real expert in

"Henry, let's

claps his hands as

his hand lightly on my

up?" he

"Nothing. I'm okay."

things you think I don't need to

right. He's damn right. No more

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