530 The Third Wheel

(Lisa)

The sound of kids laughing and fighting all at once is a special kind of chaos. Not loud enough to make me need earplugs but constant enough to make me question why anyone willingly signs up for this parenting gig. I'm sitting at the farmhouse kitchen table, nursing a mug of herbal tea because Winona says it's for relaxation, apparently-while Winona navigates the madness with calm efficiency.

Tastes like I'm drinking fresh-cut grass. Eww.

"Sarah, put the scissors down before someone loses an eyebrow!" Winona shouts from the stove, where she's flipping breakfast pancakes with one hand and holding Henry on her hip with the other.

Jayden strolls in, looking half-asleep but still managing to make kissing her cheek seem like the most romantic move in the world. He grabs Henry and tosses him in the air, making the toddler squeal with laughter. "Morning," Jayden says to me, his voice a deep rumble that doesn't match the little boy giggling in his arms. "You sleep okay?"

"Like the dead," I lie, forcing a grin.

In reality, I didn't sleep at all. Turns out, pregnancy insomnia is a thing. Combine that with the little voice in my head screaming, what the hell are you doing? and it's a miracle I'm upright.

Winona glances over her shoulder, giving me a knowing look. "You look like the dead."

"Oh, thanks for the observation." I wiggle my mug dramatically. "This tastes like the dead. Are you trying to kill me?"

She laughs. "Don't exaggerate, it's good for you."

"It's awful. I don't know how you can drink the stuff."

"It's an acquired taste."

"Nope...not today. Nor any day." I push the mug away.

Winona grins and gets busy setting a tall stack of pancakes on the table while her kids swarm like seagulls at a beach picnic.

Abbey insists on syrup for everyone, even though half of it ends up on her shirt, and Bobby and Sarah are arguing over who gets a particular strawberry they both need, despite a whole bowlful being there. It's madness. Total madness.

And it's kinda beautiful.

Which makes my stomach twist in that way it always does when I feel something I don't want to.

do this? How do they manage a family and careers and a love life and not completely lose

you want a pancake?" Winona's voice snaps me out of

I say, "Not

you count the fruit in the last cocktail at

There's been plenty of nights like that and then

smiles too. "We had

trail

baby I don't know how to raise. It's better off with someone else as it's Mom. I can't even

from losing hers. She tries to hide it, but I know her inside

can't tell her. Not now. Maybe not

adopting the baby? Winona had Abbey and none of us knew. Okay, she was in a different city

cheek, who shrieks like she's been mortally wounded. Winona moves to intervene, but Jayden's already on it, scooping up Henry and issuing a calm but firm, "no throwing food, buddy." Bobby

to clean up

with a cloth, and Winona wipes the syrup from Abbey's tear-stained cheek. Then Winona proceeds to clear away the

it's a synchronized sport makes my chest ache. Because I can't imagine doing this. Not even with

tantrums-but the caring. The giving a shit about someone else so

is not me. That wasn't

but not in the way Winona and Jayden love their

grew up in luxury hotels

wheel to their glamorous, carefree lifestyle. And they never hid the

they

until I

either.

be independent.

QUMS

the parent. I gave up on anything ever being like a normal childhood

want that for this baby. Lance's childhood was unbelievably dysfunctional. His baby deserves more. His baby should have a real family home and

asks, sliding into the chair across from

like it holds the secrets of the universe. "Yeah. Just zoned out. Is it always like

furrows and then

Abbey interrupts.

look! I made you a

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