538 No Way Out
(Lisa)
Staring at my bedroom ceiling won't change anything. But I don't know what else to do.
Arms crossed over my stomach, pressing down like I can stop this from happening. Like I can physically hold it all in-this pregnancy, this entire fucking disaster.
This isn't happening. It can't happen.
But it is.
The numbers keep running through my head. Twelve weeks. Three months. That's a whole damn trimester. This is real, and there's no taking it back.
How the hell can this be happening?
I squeeze my eyes shut, jaw clenched. I know exactly how. The last night with Lance. The one where he let himself feel what we had. The one where I thought-stupidly, so fucking stupidly-that we might actually get it right. That night we weren't as careful as we could've been. But I have contraception, I thought it would be fine.
Now he's gone, and I'm stuck holding the last piece of him.
The phone buzzes on my nightstand. Winona.
I hesitate, then grab it.
"How'd your day go? You okay?"
"Fine. Just tired. How was your meeting?"
"Nailed it. They signed off on everything. Full control over the marketing budget, rebranding, expansion-all of it."
course she's stepping into this role effortlessly,
in a problem she'd
you would. They're lucky to
sure you're okay? You don't sound like
so tight my
worrying about me and go spend time with your
house built next door
"What?"
well two actually. They are going to live out here. I'll tell you all about i
look forward to
"Love you more."
the phone down, my
her about being pregnant. I will tell her about the foundation problems but not
chance. Had to have surgery to make sure it never happens again. And me? I get pregnant by accident. An accident, like it's some fucking joke from the universe. I
pain and tell me it's okay, that I'll figure it out. That I don't have to be a mother just
swatter
what.
can't tell her. Because
want this baby. And that makes me the
my nightstand. No wine. No vodka. No escape. I can't even go
wouldn't fix anything.
position. Not fixing the mess Lance's
maybe a couple of flings, a detox retreat in Bali afterward to reset. That's what my life was supposed to look like. Not boardrooms. Not nonprofit work.
suddenly, all the air leaves my
this. Not here, not
just disappear. Not with this CEO position hanging over me. I can't run off to have this baby in secret and hand it over to some perfect couple looking for their
is about to
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