538 No Way Out

(Lisa)

Staring at my bedroom ceiling won't change anything. But I don't know what else to do.

Arms crossed over my stomach, pressing down like I can stop this from happening. Like I can physically hold it all in-this pregnancy, this entire fucking disaster.

This isn't happening. It can't happen.

But it is.

The numbers keep running through my head. Twelve weeks. Three months. That's a whole damn trimester. This is real, and there's no taking it back.

How the hell can this be happening?

I squeeze my eyes shut, jaw clenched. I know exactly how. The last night with Lance. The one where he let himself feel what we had. The one where I thought-stupidly, so fucking stupidly-that we might actually get it right. That night we weren't as careful as we could've been. But I have contraception, I thought it would be fine.

Now he's gone, and I'm stuck holding the last piece of him.

The phone buzzes on my nightstand. Winona.

I hesitate, then grab it.

"How'd your day go? You okay?"

"Fine. Just tired. How was your meeting?"

"Nailed it. They signed off on everything. Full control over the marketing budget, rebranding, expansion-all of it."

course she's stepping into this role effortlessly, proving everyone wrong. That's

am, drowning in a problem she'd give anything to

They're lucky to have

you're okay? You don't sound

phone so

spend time with

an entire house

"What?"

actually. They are going to live out here. I'll

forward to it.

"Love you more."

put the phone

her about the foundation

Lost her last chance. Had to have surgery to make sure it never happens again. And me? I get pregnant by accident. An accident, like it's some

me it's okay, that I'll figure it out. That I don't

swatter

what.

I can't tell her. Because I don't deserve that

don't want this baby. And that makes me the most selfish person on the

escape. I can't even go out and dance until my feet hurt. Can't disappear into

pregnant, it wouldn't fix

position. Not fixing the mess Lance's death caused in

flings, a detox retreat in Bali afterward to reset. That's what my

sit up suddenly, all the air

Not here, not now.

me. I can't run off to have this baby in secret and hand it over to some

when my name is about

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