538 No Way Out
(Lisa)
Staring at my bedroom ceiling won't change anything. But I don't know what else to do.
Arms crossed over my stomach, pressing down like I can stop this from happening. Like I can physically hold it all in-this pregnancy, this entire fucking disaster.
This isn't happening. It can't happen.
But it is.
The numbers keep running through my head. Twelve weeks. Three months. That's a whole damn trimester. This is real, and there's no taking it back.
How the hell can this be happening?
I squeeze my eyes shut, jaw clenched. I know exactly how. The last night with Lance. The one where he let himself feel what we had. The one where I thought-stupidly, so fucking stupidly-that we might actually get it right. That night we weren't as careful as we could've been. But I have contraception, I thought it would be fine.
Now he's gone, and I'm stuck holding the last piece of him.
The phone buzzes on my nightstand. Winona.
I hesitate, then grab it.
"How'd your day go? You okay?"
"Fine. Just tired. How was your meeting?"
"Nailed it. They signed off on everything. Full control over the marketing budget, rebranding, expansion-all of it."
Of course she's stepping into this role effortlessly, proving everyone wrong.
problem she'd give anything to still have.
lucky to
You don't
squeeze my phone so tight my
about me and go spend time with your husband before he
entire house built next door
"What?"
to live out here. I'll tell you all
look forward to
"Love you more."
I put the phone down, my whole
I will tell her about the foundation problems but not yet. She
last chance. Had to have surgery to make sure it never happens again. And me? I get pregnant by accident. An accident, like it's some fucking
me it's okay, that I'll figure it out. That I don't have to be a mother just because I'm pregnant. That she'll support me
swatter
what.
exactly why I can't tell her.
this baby. And that makes me the most selfish person on the
escape. I can't even go out and
I wasn't pregnant, it wouldn't fix
Not fixing the mess Lance's death caused in his
a couple of flings, a detox retreat in Bali afterward to
all the air leaves my
do this. Not here, not now. I need
run off to have this baby in secret and hand it over to some
my name is about
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