1. Nothing to give

I fix my hoodie so that I can look presentable instead of looking like I had a one on one with death.

“Why are you wearing a beanie, mommy” Noah looks at me suspiciously.

We were skyping after I had postponed it so many times. Mainly because I could barely keep my

eyes open for longer than five minutes. Today though, I was feeling much better

I leaned back against my headboard. The beanie was to hide the bandage. Noah still didn’t know

what happened to me and I would make sure he never does.

“It’s a bit cold and I’m feeling a bit chilly” I lie.

I feel guilty for lying to him, but I know it’s for the best. There was no need of worrying him.

“We have a heater mom, you could’ve just turned it on”

“It’s not working and I forgot to get someone to fix it”

Damn it, I hate lying to him. A part of me felt like I was being a terrible mother because it seems. I’ve done nothing but lie to him since father died. The other part though, understands that it’s

necessary. 3

“Okay then” he mumbles skeptically.

“So what did you do today?” I ask changing the subject.

Anything that he does excites me even though I’m not there to enjoy it with him. His happiness was my own and I would protect it at all cost.

The frown he had seconds ago transforms into a big smile.

“I saw dolphins today, I even swam with them…it was so fun!!” he shouts, his excitement contagious.

“I wish I was there to see you”

“Don’t worry mommy, grandma took a video. She said she’ll send it to you”

I nod my head at that. I had accepted the phone Rowan got me. Turns out he did more than buy me a new phone. He even replaced my sim card.

I try to keep those calls short and impersonal. Like I said, I wanted to live in peace and Rowan meddling in my life would make sure I had anything but

house?” his

“What do you mean?”

+15 BONUS

was there sitting so

it” the frown that was so like his father’s was now

that Rowan was already playing house with

always fool ourselves into thinking we’ve moved on? Then the moment we’re hit

going to have to ask your dad” I mumble, trying to hide

it fit to flaunt his relationship with Emma in front of our son, so he’ll be the one

together. So we can be a family again” he is sad

have to understand that your father and I are just

of Noah. Trying to give him the illusion that we loved each other. That we were okay. It was all a sham though. Rowan could barely stand me, but Noah never

should get married after I accidentally got pregnant. I was naïve back then. Thinking that I could make him love me. That it would only be a matter of time until he was in love

nothing to him. It was a biological process. While my feelings were involved, his weren’t. We never made love because he didn’t love me.

you love him?” Noah asks the same question he demanded

ago.

to him but I’ve done

sometimes loving someone isn’t enough. You won’t understand it now but one day, when you’re older, you will” it’s the only

hope to God he never has to go through what I’m going through. I want him to love and be loved. As much as I hate to say this, I hope one day he gets the kind of love Rowan and Emma have. One that has stood the test of time and it’s still burning bright. I pray that one day I’ll also find

on my open door

someone here to see you,

+15 BONUS

Letty convinced me to let her stay because, she’s been such a huge help. She

I don’t know how I

that,

whoever it is in before I turn to my

to help me with chores” I answer him. My mind on

it is either Letty or Ethan. Both have stopped by a couple of times to check up on

help? You’ve never needed it before,

in a different light. That

a little less if I made sure

“Mommy?” he calls out.

Travis walks in to my room. He was the last person I wanted to talk to, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t use

I’ll call you back…you uncle just arrived and

sighs. “Okay then

off. The moment he does, my smile

see you again” I school my features. Blocking

emotions.

“You’re my sister, I wanted to see how you’re

laugh humorlessly. “Sister? Are you sure, Travis, because as far

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