Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

believed me

awareness, I

also

swore never to get drunk ever

the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

her around like a damn lost puppy,

the only way to be

she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts.

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out of her

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter

happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in

insisted

was about that. He wouldn’t let

Ava. I guess he just knows

didn’t want

me you loved Ava, but your

was wrong.”

My only wish is that

easier to

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

her. My actions

there was nothing

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

it happened.

Maybe it happened when we were still married,

a recent thing. All I know is

I was frustrated

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah

the memory of Emma. She was your

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

even have touched her

what I needed

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma because you

back? Something that would guard

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

held on to for

on the stool completely

I

about it like that.

explain how the hell I was able to

as an escape from what I truly felt

my life once; how then could I betray

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made

realize that Emma was never the love