Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t

me

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking

but also knowing that I

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never

difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused

that I may have lost my chance with her

show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

way to be near

she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely

but I can’t let her go no matter how

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

was about that. He wouldn’t let

with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than

didn’t want

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

only wish is that I had relegalized this

to mend what

+15 BONUS

memories. Memories where I had her, but

broke her. My actions

there

your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

it happened. When did you fall for her?”

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

I know

hand through my hair. I was frustrated

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

on to the memory of Emma. She

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

even have touched her if you

I needed from her while still

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed

that would guard you

because you felt that enjoying S** with her

of Emma that you held

on the stool

I

like that. I

the

as an escape from what I truly

of my life once; how then could I

Ava’s body? It all made sense

to realize that Emma was never the love