1. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her

believed me

with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

but also

swore never to get

You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate and

I follow her around like a

the only way

she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with

one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

wouldn’t let

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better

didn’t want to

your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

until there was

in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

when it happened. When did you fall

exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

recent thing. All I know is that

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

have touched her if you

process. I just got what I needed from

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed

hold you back? Something that would

that enjoying S** with her would

you held on to for dear

sit on the stool

I

it like that.

explain how the hell I was able

as

had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

realize that Emma was never the love of my

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