Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

me at

this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

also

begins, “I thought you swore never to get

can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but

that I may have lost my chance with her

Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging

only way to be near

she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out of

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

did that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

in love with Ava. I guess he just knows

didn’t want to

but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

to mend

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

broke her. My actions and

there was

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

when it happened.

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still

a recent thing. All I know is

hair. I was frustrated

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

on to the memory

your true love. You can’t live with

wouldn’t even have touched her

I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

that would guard you

you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

you held on to for dear

the stool completely

I

it like that. I admit I

would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up

was right, and I used Emma as

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

that Emma was never the love of my fucking