Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon

me at

this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

me but also knowing that

“I thought you swore never to get

difficult it was to realize that I love Ava.

lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go

show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at

it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging

the only way to be near

is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be

better, but I can’t let

The

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in

the one that insisted that I had suppressed

he was about that. He wouldn’t

he

didn’t want to

you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had

easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

memories. Memories where I

actions and words chipped at

until there was

shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

me. I want to know when it happened. When

exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

I know is that I love her

was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

held on to the memory of

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

I

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because

that would guard you from enjoying the

because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the

I

that. I

the hell I was

as an escape

had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

that Emma was never the love of my fucking