Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was

me at

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking

but also knowing that

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore

it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

I may have lost my chance with her

up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing

it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll

only way to be near

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that

He wouldn’t let

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

I didn’t want to

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where

her. My actions and words

until there was

Gabe whistles and I

I want to know when it

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

I know is that I

frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah

love her because you held on to the memory of

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine

You wouldn’t even have touched her if

just got what I needed from her while

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at how

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

to hold you back? Something that would

that enjoying S** with her would be

you held on to for

the

I

like that. I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I

Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once;

Ava’s body? It all made sense in

Emma was never the love of my fucking