Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side

believed me

awareness, I was fucking terrified.

but also knowing

swore never to get drunk

You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but

have lost my chance with her

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing

to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I

way to be

out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out of her life for good. I want to

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

one that insisted that I

about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

he

didn’t want to

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

have been easier to

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words

there was

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall

time. Maybe it happened

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

to love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her

just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma

back? Something that would guard you from

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the stool

I

it like that.

would I explain how the hell I was able

used Emma as an escape from what

my life once; how then could I betray

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of my fucking