Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell

me at

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

me but also knowing that I

begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give

only way to be near

through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good.

that because she deserves better, but I can’t

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than

I didn’t want to

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

wish is that I had

easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

My actions and words

there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

it happened. When did you

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I love

through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

true love. You can’t live with

You wouldn’t even have touched her

process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at how

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma

back? Something that

you felt that enjoying S** with

Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

sit on the

I

it like that. I admit I

I explain how the hell I

Emma as an escape from what

betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It

that Emma was