Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I

me

I was fucking terrified.

me but also knowing

swore never to get drunk ever

was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It

her all because I

I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness,

only way to be

dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed

wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

I guess he just knows me

didn’t want

but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

her. My actions and

until there

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare

know when it happened.

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it

All I know is that I love

hair. I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

love her because you held on to the memory

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and

even have touched her if you didn’t

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her

Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed her

to hold you back? Something that

Ava because you felt that enjoying S**

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the stool completely

I

about it like that. I admit

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I

Emma as an escape from what

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my

It all made

that Emma was