Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She

me

but with this new awareness, I was

me but also knowing

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore

You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

chance with her all because

pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in

I crave her. I follow her around like a

the only way to be near

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely

deserves better, but I can’t let her

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

I didn’t want to

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where

broke her. My actions

until there was nothing

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

me. I want to know when it

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

a recent thing. All I know

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

memory of Emma. She

live with someone for nine years and not feel

wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed

Something that would guard

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

you held on to for

on the stool completely

I

like that.

how would I explain how the hell I was able

and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her over

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of my