Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if

believed me

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

Loving me but also knowing that I

you swore never to get drunk

I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It

my chance with her

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing

crave her. I follow her around like a

way to be near

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet

nine fucking years?

to be completely out of her life

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

the one that insisted that I

He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

he

I didn’t want to

loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

have been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly

until there was nothing

in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

know when it happened.

the exact time. Maybe it

I know is that I love

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

her because you held on to the memory of

with someone for nine years and not feel a

even have touched her if you didn’t

biological process. I just got what I needed from her while

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

Emma that you held on to for

sit on the stool completely

I

that. I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up

and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

my life once;

It all made sense

to realize that Emma was