Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately.

believed me

awareness, I was

Loving me but also

swore never to get drunk ever

You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate

to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn

the only way to

at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out

can’t let her go no matter how I

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better

didn’t want

but your

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

actions and

there was

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

All I know is that I love

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I

to love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed her or because

to hold you back? Something that would guard you

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

Emma that you held

the stool completely

I

like that. I admit

I explain how the hell I was able to get it

Emma as an escape from

of my life once; how then

body? It all made

realize that Emma was never the love of my fucking