Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to

me

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I hate

thought you swore never to

it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve

chance with her all because I couldn’t let

don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me

I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take

way

hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with

insisted that I

wouldn’t let it go,

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than

I didn’t want

loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

is that I had

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

actions and words chipped at her

until there was nothing

your shoes” Gabe whistles

know when it happened. When did

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

a recent thing. All I know

I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah

because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still

imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

Emma that you held on to for dear

sit on the stool

I

like that. I admit I

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up

Gabe was right, and I used Emma as an escape

already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray

body? It

starting to realize that Emma was never