1. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her.

believed me

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I hate

“I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was

my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go

Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when,

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy,

the only way to be near

through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her.

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good.

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with

weren’t you the one that insisted that I

wouldn’t let it go, even

with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

didn’t want

but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized

easier to

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

actions and

until there

whistles

to know when it happened. When did you fall

Maybe

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I love

my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

held on to the memory of

true love. You can’t live with someone for

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still

she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed

that would guard you from enjoying

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying

that you held on to for dear

sit on the stool

I

it like that.

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I

Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

the love of my life once; how then

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

Emma was never the love of my

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