Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to rush back to her house and tell her immediately.

me at

but with this new awareness, I

but also knowing

swore never

to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me to

may have lost my chance with her

don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me

because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take

way to be

to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want to

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

that. He wouldn’t let it go,

love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

I didn’t

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe

to mend what

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where

My actions and words chipped at her

until there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare

I want to know when it

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

I

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

live with

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

times I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

back? Something that would

Ava because you felt that enjoying S**

you held on to

on the stool completely

I

it like that.

would I explain how the hell

and I used Emma as an escape from

of my life once; how then could

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in

that Emma was never the love