Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell

believed me

I was fucking

also knowing that I

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating

my chance with her all because I couldn’t

don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times,

follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any

only way

nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

to be completely out

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

I didn’t want to

telling me you loved Ava, but your

was wrong.”

only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

easier to mend what I

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bitter memories.

actions and words chipped at

there was

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

when it happened. When did

the exact time. Maybe

recent thing. All I

through my hair. I was frustrated

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

to love her because you held on to the memory of Emma.

with someone for nine years and not

even have touched her if you didn’t

I needed from

was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because

back? Something that

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S**

that you held

on the stool

I

like that.

explain how the hell I was able to

and I used Emma as an escape

betrayed the love of my life

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of my