Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I

believed me

new awareness, I

but also knowing

you swore never to get drunk

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It

lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging

only way to be near

she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

I didn’t want to

Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

My only wish is

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

until there was nothing

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

I want to know when it

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

a recent thing. All I know is

was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

the memory of Emma. She was your

You can’t live with someone

You wouldn’t even have

just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at how

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

enjoying S** with her would

you held on to for dear life?”

the stool completely

I

that. I

I explain how the hell I was able to get

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

the love of my life once; how then

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense

to realize that Emma was never the love