Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won.

me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

me but also knowing

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was

with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at

because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any

only way

is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out of her life

can’t let her go no matter how

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better

didn’t want to

you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that

to mend

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

until there

whistles and I glare at

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

time. Maybe it

All I know is that

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born.

the memory

can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

I needed from her while still hating

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma

that would guard you

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

that you held on to for

on the

I

that. I

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

my life once; how then

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made

realize that Emma was never the love of my