Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t

believed me

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

me but also knowing that I

begins, “I thought you swore never to get

it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love

lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate and

let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

only way to

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out

but I can’t let her

happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

about that. He wouldn’t let

I guess he

I didn’t want

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories. Memories

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and

until there was

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

to know when it happened.

exact time. Maybe

I know is that I

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

came after Noah was born.

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

what I needed from

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

Emma because

hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

you felt that enjoying

you held on to for

the stool completely

I

like that.

how the hell I

and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

already betrayed the love of my life once; how

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense

that Emma was