Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell

me at

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

but also knowing

begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me to

have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times,

crave her. I follow her around like a damn

the only way to be

to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely

but I can’t let her go no matter how I

The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in

the one that insisted that

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t

he

didn’t want to

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that I had

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories

I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

there was

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

it happened. When did you fall for

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

All I

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

after Noah was born.

to the memory of Emma. She was your first

can’t live with someone

I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma

that would guard you from enjoying the

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

Emma that you held on to for dear

on the

I

that. I

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

Gabe was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

love of my life once;

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

starting to realize that Emma was never the love