Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if

me

awareness, I was fucking terrified.

me but also knowing that

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get

difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain.

my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

and she frowns at me in disapproval.

crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for

way

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out

but I can’t

The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with Emma.”

insisted that I had suppressed feelings

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he

I didn’t

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized

easier to mend

+15 BONUS

memories. Memories where I had her,

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

until there was

shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

me. I want to know when it happened. When

time. Maybe it happened when we

a recent thing. All I know is that I love her

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

on to the memory of

can’t live with someone

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

just got what I needed

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

hold you back? Something that would

that enjoying S** with her

of Emma that you held on

on the stool

I

about it like that.

explain how the

was right, and I used Emma as an escape

head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

was never the love of my