Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I

believed me

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

but also knowing that

you swore never to get drunk

it was to realize that I love Ava. That all

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in

it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take it

the only way to be near

went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life

but I can’t let her go no matter how I

did that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

that insisted that I had suppressed

wouldn’t let it go, even after I

love with Ava. I guess he

didn’t

you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized

have been easier to

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

there was

shoes” Gabe whistles and

it happened. When did you

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

All I know is

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

after Noah was born. I also think

to the memory of Emma. She was your first

live with someone for nine years and not feel

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

I just got what I needed from her while still hating

she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her or

to hold you back? Something that would

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

held on to for dear life?”

on the stool

I

like that. I admit I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to

used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

love of my

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

was never the love