Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell

me

with this new awareness, I

Loving me but also knowing that I hate

“I thought you swore never to get drunk

You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize

with her

I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at

her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even

only way to

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

that. He wouldn’t let it

guess he just knows

didn’t

Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized this

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and

until there

Gabe whistles and I

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

thing. All I know is that

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you

that

you felt that enjoying S**

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the

I

about it like that.

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

was never