Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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her

me at

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

also

swore never to get drunk

pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of

to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she

not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even

way to

What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

deserves better, but I can’t let

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

that insisted that

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

guess he just knows me better

didn’t want

you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had

been easier to mend what

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space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

actions and words chipped at her

until there

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

me. I want to know when it happened. When

exact time. Maybe it happened

thing. All I know is that I love

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah

on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

true love. You can’t live with someone for

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed her or because

you back? Something that would guard

because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

held on to

sit on the stool

I

that. I admit I

would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly

love of my life once; how then could I

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

realize that Emma was