Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won.

me

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

feel? Loving me but also knowing that

“I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain.

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns

it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a

only way

never thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out

I can’t let her go no matter how I

did that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with

you the one that insisted

that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he

didn’t want

Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

until there

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

when it happened.

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that

frustrated

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

have touched

biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed her or

back? Something that would guard

that enjoying S**

that you held on to for dear

sit on the stool completely

I

like that.

explain how the hell I

I used Emma as an

already betrayed the love of my life

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

realize that Emma was