Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won.

believed me at

this new awareness, I was fucking

me but also knowing

begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It

I may have lost my chance with her

notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take

way to be

she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

be completely out of

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in

the one that insisted that I

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

didn’t want to

Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is

been easier to

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories.

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

there

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

time. Maybe it happened when we

All I

hair. I was frustrated

you love someone!

after Noah was

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

You can’t live with someone for nine years and

even have

biological process. I just got what I needed from her

was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma

that would guard you from enjoying the

that enjoying S** with her would

Emma that you held on

sit on the stool completely

I

it like that. I admit I

I explain how the hell

I used Emma as an escape

had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made

was never the love of