Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I

me

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

but also

“I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

I may have lost my chance with her all

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of

only way to be near

through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for

can’t let

did that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just

I didn’t

your insistence

was wrong.”

only wish is that I had

been easier to

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

My actions and words chipped at her

until there was nothing

your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

I want to know when it

time. Maybe it happened when we were

it’s a recent thing. All I

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

after Noah was born. I also think you

because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

just got what I needed from her while still

I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because

Something that would guard you from enjoying the

that enjoying S** with her would

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the stool

I

it like that.

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

Emma as an escape from what I

the love of my life once; how then

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

Emma was never the love