Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

me but also knowing

thought you swore never to get drunk

but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times,

around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

the only way to be near

out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

I can’t let her go no matter how

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

Ava. I guess he

didn’t want to

you loved Ava, but your

was wrong.”

is that I had relegalized

easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

I broke her. My actions and

there was nothing

shoes” Gabe whistles

want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

I know is that I love her

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was

the memory of Emma. She was your first love,

your true love. You can’t live with

wouldn’t even have touched

what I needed from her

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

to hold you back? Something that would guard you

that enjoying S** with her

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the stool

I

that. I

would I explain how the hell I was able to get

as an escape

my life once;

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made

was never the