Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won.

believed me

scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

Loving me but also knowing that I hate

thought you swore never to get drunk ever

needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all

that I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks

like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

way to be

nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good.

I can’t let her go no

that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in

that insisted that I

wouldn’t let it

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t want

loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

have been easier to

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

actions and words chipped at her heart

until there was nothing

your shoes” Gabe whistles and

know when it happened. When did you fall

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

I know is that I

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

live with someone for nine years and not feel a

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

got what I needed

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

back? Something that

that enjoying S**

of Emma that you held on to for

sit on the stool completely

I

it like that. I

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was

and I used Emma as an

betrayed the love of my life once; how

It

to realize that Emma was never the love of