Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won.

me at

new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

but also knowing that

“I thought you swore never to get

pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve

that I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when,

like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness,

way to be

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out of her life

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

the one that insisted that I had suppressed

that. He wouldn’t let it

he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t want

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

her. I broke her. My actions and words

there was nothing

your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

when it happened. When did you fall

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

All I know is that I love

frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also

you held on to the memory of

your true love. You can’t live with someone

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t

I needed from

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

Emma

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from

that enjoying S**

Emma that you held on

sit on the stool completely

I

like that. I admit I

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense

realize that Emma was never the love of my