Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have

believed me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

me but also

begins, “I thought you swore never to get

it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me

her

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I

the only way

through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good.

deserves better, but I can’t

happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had

was about that. He wouldn’t let

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me

didn’t want

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized

easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly

there was nothing

your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

it

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

it’s a recent thing. All I know

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

came after Noah was born. I also think

because you held on to the memory

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

have touched her if you didn’t feel something

just got what I needed from her

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

Something that would guard you from

that enjoying S** with her would

Emma that you held on

on the

I

like that. I admit

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to

and I used Emma as an escape from what I

betrayed the love of my life once; how then

Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

Emma was