Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It

believed me

but with this new awareness, I was fucking

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I hate

“I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

only way to

through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely

I can’t let her go no matter

The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

insisted

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

I didn’t want to

me you loved Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

broke her. My actions and words chipped

there was

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

thing. All I know is that

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born.

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

You wouldn’t even have touched her

got what I

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

back? Something that would guard you from

you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

you held on to for

sit on the

I

like that. I admit

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able

and I used Emma as an escape from what

already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray

It all made sense in my head

to realize that Emma was never the