Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She

believed me at

with this new awareness, I was

also knowing

begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating

my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps

way to

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts.

nine fucking years?

me to be

can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

He wouldn’t let it go,

guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

I didn’t

but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that

been easier to

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words

there

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

the exact time. Maybe it happened

I know

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah

on to the memory of Emma. She was

with someone for nine years and not feel a

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

I needed from

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

that would guard

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

on the stool

I

that. I

how the hell I was able to get it up

was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

that Emma was never the love of my fucking