Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my

me

this new awareness, I was

feel? Loving me but also

swore never

but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

I crave her. I follow her around like a

only way to be near

nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life

better, but I can’t let her go

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with

the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

didn’t

me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

My actions and words chipped at

until there was

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

me. I want to know when it happened. When

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

I know is that I love

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

to the memory of Emma. She

can’t live with someone for nine years

I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from

enjoying S** with her

that you held on

sit on the stool completely

I

like that. I

would I explain how the hell I was able to

Gabe was right, and I used Emma as an escape

my life once; how then could I betray her over

and enjoying Ava’s body? It

that Emma was never the