Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her.

believed me at

I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

me but also knowing that I

begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all

may have lost my chance with her all

notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate and

ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for

the only way to

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it

nine fucking years?

be completely out

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

did that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

weren’t you the one that insisted

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

I guess he just knows me

I didn’t want

your insistence at

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

My actions and words chipped at her

until there was nothing

Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

me. I want to know when it happened. When did you fall

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

it’s a recent thing. All I

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born.

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma because

hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

held on to

sit on the

I

like that. I

would I explain how the hell

used Emma as an escape from

I had already betrayed the love of my

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

Emma was never