Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

her immediately. I would have if my rational

me

been scared, but with this new awareness, I

also knowing

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to

pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that

with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

like a damn lost

only way to be near

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

I can’t let her go no matter how I

The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

didn’t want to

but your insistence

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that I had

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where

actions

until there was nothing

whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

me. I want to know when it happened. When

Maybe it happened when

All I know is

my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love,

with someone for nine years and

have touched her if you

biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

felt that enjoying S**

Emma that you held on to for dear

the

I

like that. I admit

I explain how the hell I was able to

I used Emma as an escape from

head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

body? It all made sense in

was never the love of my fucking