Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell

me at

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

me but also knowing that

swore never to

You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me to

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give

only way to

dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

be completely out of her life for good. I want to

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her

happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that

that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

guess he just knows

I didn’t

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I

easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at

there

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and

me. I want to know when it happened. When did

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

a recent thing. All I know is that I

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

memory of Emma. She was your first

with someone for nine years and not

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating

Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

Emma because

you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

you held on to for

the stool

I

it like that. I

the hell I was able to get it up

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

of my life once; how

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

that Emma was never the love of my fucking