Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

me

new awareness, I was

but also knowing that

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It

with her all because

and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when,

it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness,

only way to be

hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

to be completely

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

that insisted

he was about that. He wouldn’t

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

I didn’t

you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me

was wrong.”

only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

have been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I

I broke her. My actions

there was nothing

in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

know when it happened. When did you fall

the exact time. Maybe it happened when

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I

frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

she was your true love. You can’t live with

wouldn’t even have touched

what I needed from her while still hating her.

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

that would guard you

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

that you held on to

the stool completely

I

that. I

the hell I was able

as an escape from what

of my

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

starting to realize that Emma was never the love