Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her.

believed me at

I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

Loving me but also

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

it was to realize

have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or

I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any

way

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

to be completely out of her life for good. I want to

better, but I can’t let her

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with Emma.”

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

didn’t want to

your insistence

was wrong.”

is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

easier to

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words

until there was nothing

your shoes” Gabe whistles

it

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it

I know is that I love

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

memory of Emma. She was your first love,

You can’t live with

even have touched

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

felt that enjoying S** with

held on to for

the stool completely

I

it like that. I

explain how the

as an escape

of my life once; how then could I betray her over

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

to realize that Emma was never the love of my