Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately.

believed me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

me but also

thought you swore never to get drunk ever

numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that

her all because I couldn’t let go of

notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate

to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of

way

hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of

but I can’t let her go

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

weren’t you the one that insisted

wouldn’t let it

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than

I didn’t want

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

her. I broke her. My actions and words

there

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

I want to know when it happened.

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

thing. All I know is

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after

memory of Emma. She was your first

You can’t live with

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

because you felt that enjoying S** with

held on to for dear life?”

the

I

that.

explain how the hell I was able to

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how

Ava’s body? It all made sense

Emma was never the love of my