Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

believed me

this new awareness, I was

Loving me but also knowing

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore

pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing

have lost my chance with her

I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when,

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps

only way

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

insisted that I had suppressed

He wouldn’t let

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he

I didn’t

me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that I

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and

until there was

your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

it happened.

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

a recent thing. All I know

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was

with someone for nine years and not

wouldn’t even have touched her if

got what I

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because

to hold you back? Something that would

that enjoying S** with her would be a

of Emma that you held on to for dear

the stool completely

I

about it like that. I admit I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

starting to realize that Emma was