Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would

me at

this new awareness, I was

but also knowing that I hate

thought you swore never to get drunk

understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

with her all because I couldn’t let go

up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of

the only way to be

dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

did that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

that insisted that

about that. He wouldn’t let it

he just knows me better

I didn’t

Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that

to mend what

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at

until there

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare

it

time. Maybe it happened

I know is

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after

held on to the memory of Emma. She was

your true love. You can’t live with someone

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t

just got what I needed from her while still hating

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you

that would guard you from enjoying

you felt that enjoying S** with her

you held on

the

I

about it like that. I admit

would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up

Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

my life

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

realize that Emma was never the love of my