Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side

believed me at

this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

also

thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused

with her all because I

frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

way to be

compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out

but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

weren’t you the one that insisted

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t

you loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe

been easier to

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

until there was

whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

Maybe it happened when we

I

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

You can’t live with someone for nine

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

I tell him, feeling sick to the core at

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

enjoying S** with her

that you held on to for dear life?”

the stool completely

I

about it like that.

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I

used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

my life once; how then

It all made sense in my head then,

was