Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if

me at

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

me but also knowing

thought you swore never to get

understand how difficult it was to realize

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks

like a damn

only way to be near

hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How

nine fucking years?

be completely out of

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in

one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

Ava. I guess he

didn’t want

me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me

was wrong.”

My only wish is

to mend

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

My actions and words chipped at

there was

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

know when it happened. When did

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe

All I know

frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

the memory of Emma. She was your

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine

wouldn’t even have

process. I just got what I

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

you back? Something that would

enjoying S** with her would

held on

on the

I

that.

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I

Gabe was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I

had already betrayed the love of my life once;

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of my fucking