Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her

me

this new awareness, I was

but also knowing that I

you swore never to

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It

may have lost my chance with her

and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or

because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even

only way to be near

compared to what I did to her.

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out

can’t let her go

did that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

weren’t you the one that insisted

he was about that. He wouldn’t

I guess he just knows me better

I didn’t

me you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe

have been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where

My actions and words chipped at her

there was

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

when it happened. When did you fall

time. Maybe it happened when we were

I

through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah

to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

biological process. I just got what I needed from her

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma

you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

felt that enjoying S** with her would be

of Emma that you held on to for dear

on the stool completely

I

like that. I

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

the love of my life once;

body? It all made sense in my head

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of