Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my

me

I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

but also knowing

thought you swore never

how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but

my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate

around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll

way to

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for

deserves better, but I can’t

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had

wouldn’t let it go, even after I

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

I didn’t want to

but your insistence at

was wrong.”

is that I had relegalized

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

there was

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

I want to know when it happened.

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I love

frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She

love. You can’t live with

have touched her if

what I needed from her

I tell

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma

you back? Something that would

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

that you held on to for

sit on the

I

it like that. I admit

the hell I was

Emma as an escape from what

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It

to realize that Emma was never the