Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell

believed me

I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

Loving me but also knowing that I hate

thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me to

lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go

up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times,

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection

the only way to

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts.

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want to

I can’t let her go no

did that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

I didn’t

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

to

+15 BONUS

memories. Memories where

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly

until there was nothing

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

when it happened. When did you fall

exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I

frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I also

to the memory of

was your true love. You can’t live with

I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have

what I needed from

imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at how

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma

hold you back? Something that

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

you held on to

on the stool completely

I

like that.

would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

used Emma as an escape from what I

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense

to realize that Emma was never the