Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t

me at

scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

me but also knowing that I

thought you swore never to get drunk ever

know, but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve

that I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or

follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even

way to be

went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out of her

better, but I can’t let her go

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows

didn’t want

you loved Ava, but your

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

to mend what

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bitter memories. Memories where I had

her. I broke her. My actions and

there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and

when it happened. When

exact time. Maybe it happened when

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

on to the memory of Emma. She was

your true love. You can’t live with

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t

I just got what I needed from her while still hating

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at how

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

you back? Something that would guard you from

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S**

held on to

on the

I

it like that. I

the hell I was able

and I used Emma as an escape from what

love of my

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in

was never