Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her

believed me at

this new awareness, I

but also knowing that

begins, “I thought you swore never to

it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this

with her all because I couldn’t let go of

she frowns at me

ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I

only way

to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out of her

that because she deserves better, but I can’t

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

I guess he just knows me better than I know

didn’t

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories

her. I broke her. My actions and words

until there was

whistles and I

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

I know is that I love

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

true love. You can’t live with someone

wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

I just got what I needed from

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

you back? Something that would guard you from

you felt that enjoying S**

of Emma that you held on to for dear

on the stool

I

it like that.

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

right, and I used Emma as an

already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense

to realize that Emma was never the love