Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

house and tell her immediately. I would have

me at

scared, but with this new awareness, I

Loving me but also knowing

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore

I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize

may have lost my chance with her all because

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me

around like a

way to be

she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell

nine fucking years?

be completely out of her life for good. I want

better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

He wouldn’t let it go, even after

I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

I didn’t want

me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

have been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly

there was nothing

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

time. Maybe it happened when

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

to love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

live with someone for

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t

I just got what I

I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because

you back? Something that would guard you

you felt that enjoying S**

held on to

sit on the stool completely

I

it like that.

I explain how the hell I was able to get it

as an escape from what I truly felt for

love of my life once; how then

body? It all

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of my