1. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if

believed me

been scared, but with this new awareness, I

Loving me but also knowing

thought you swore never

know, but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me

her all because I couldn’t let go of my

it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval.

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give

way

What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with Emma.”

that insisted

about that. He wouldn’t

love with Ava. I guess he just knows

I didn’t want

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I

have been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

actions and words chipped

there was

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and

I want to know when it

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

recent thing. All I know is that

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

came after Noah was

the memory of Emma.

with someone for nine years and

even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed

you back? Something that

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be

that you held on to

sit on the stool completely

I

like that. I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able

was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what

betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

was never the love of

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