Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to

me at

with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

me but also knowing that

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

I may have lost my chance with her all

to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when,

me because I crave her. I follow her around like a

the only way

went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want to

but I can’t let her

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t want to

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is

have been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

My actions and words chipped at

until there was

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

want to know when it happened. When did you

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

I know is that I love

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born.

to love her because you held on to the memory of

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

I needed from her while still hating her. I am

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

to hold you back? Something that

because you felt that enjoying S** with

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the

I

that. I admit

would I explain how the hell I was able

and I used Emma as an escape from

had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

to realize that Emma was