Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her.

me

I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

Loving me but also knowing that I

thought you swore never to get

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy,

only way to

nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

deserves better, but I can’t let her

did that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

he just knows me

didn’t want to

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is

have been easier to

+15 BONUS

memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

her. My actions and words chipped

there was nothing

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

I want to know when it happened. When did

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

All I know is

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

came after Noah was

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

process. I just got what I needed from her while still

she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her or

that would guard you from

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her

held on

sit on the stool

I

that. I admit I

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able

used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once;

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

Emma was never the love of