Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

and tell her immediately.

believed me

but with this new awareness, I

also knowing that I hate

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore

the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in

follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s

only way to

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life

she deserves better, but I can’t let

happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

one that insisted that

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

Ava. I guess he just knows

didn’t want

your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

have been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

until there

your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

want to know when it happened. When did you

Maybe it

a recent thing. All I know is that I love

frustrated and

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

just got what I needed from

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma

hold you back? Something that

because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

held on to for dear

sit on the stool completely

I

about it like that. I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able

Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

love of my life once; how then could

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made

was never the love of my