Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

me

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

also knowing that

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk

it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused

my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go

pick Noah up, and she frowns

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give

way to be

out is nothing compared to

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good.

but I can’t let her go no matter how

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

guess he just knows me

I didn’t

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories.

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped

there was

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

me. I want to know when it happened. When did

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

I know is that

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

on to the memory

was your true love. You can’t live with someone

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you

a biological process. I just got what I

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at how

treated her. 1

1

Emma because

you back? Something that would guard you from

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

that you held on to

the stool

I

about it like that. I

how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

and I used Emma as an escape from what

of my

body? It all made sense in my head then,

to realize that Emma was never the love