Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to

believed me

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to

realize that I love Ava. That all this

her all

frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me

not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take it

the only way to be

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me for

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want to

but I can’t let

The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with

the one that insisted

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let

guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

I didn’t want

me you loved Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized

easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

until there

shoes” Gabe whistles

to know when it happened. When did

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

I know is that I love

through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was

held on to the memory of Emma. She

live with someone for nine years and not

wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

a biological process. I just got what I

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma because you missed her

back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be

of Emma that you held on to

sit on the stool

I

it like that. I admit I

how the hell I

as an escape from what

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my

Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

was never the