Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She

believed me at

but with this new awareness, I was fucking

Loving me but also knowing that I

“I thought you swore never to get

to realize that I love Ava. That all this

that I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let

I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn

the only way to be

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her

can’t let her

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with

one that insisted

wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

Ava. I guess he just knows me better

didn’t want to

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

is that I had relegalized

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

actions

until there was

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

I want to know when it happened. When did you

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

it’s a recent thing. All I know is

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

came after Noah was born. I also

because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

true love. You can’t live with someone

have touched her if you didn’t feel

just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed her or because

Something that would guard you

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

on the stool completely

I

it like that. I

how would I explain how the hell

I used Emma as

my life once; how then could

Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

to realize that Emma was never the love