1. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon

me at

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I

“I thought you swore never to get

to realize that I

I may have lost my chance with her

it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing

because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take it

way to be near

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me for

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t

he just knows me better than I know

didn’t want

loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

is that

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

there was nothing

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

to know when it happened. When did

time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

recent thing. All I

frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

just got what I

Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

you back? Something that

felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

you held on to for

on the stool

I

about it like that. I admit I

how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

betrayed the love of my life once; how then

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of

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