1. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

back to her house and tell her immediately. I would

believed me at

new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

but also

swore never to get

needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks

it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost

way to be near

hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me for

nine fucking years?

be completely out of her life for good. I want to

she deserves better, but I can’t let

happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

guess he just knows me

didn’t want to

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

easier to

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories. Memories

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped

until there was nothing

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

recent thing. All I know is that I

hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born.

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

with someone for nine years and not feel a

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

I just got what I needed from her while still

was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

back? Something that would guard

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

that you held on to

sit on the

I

about it like that. I

would I explain how the hell I was able to get

used Emma as an escape from what

love of my life once; how then could

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

to realize that Emma was never the love of

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