Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her

believed me

this new awareness, I was fucking

Loving me but also knowing that I

swore never to

the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

have lost my chance with her all because

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or

because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I

only way to

nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good.

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

one that insisted that I

He wouldn’t let it

guess he just

didn’t want

Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

only wish is that

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories.

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

until there was

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

it happened. When did

time. Maybe it happened when we were

recent thing. All I know

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also

her because you held on to the memory of Emma.

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years

wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or

that

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be

held on to for dear life?”

sit on the stool

I

that.

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell

I used Emma as an escape

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how

It all made sense in my head then, but

was never the love of my