1. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too

me at

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

me but also knowing that I hate

thought you swore never to get

needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me

with her all because I couldn’t

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval.

not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps

only way to

is dishing out is nothing compared to what I

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out of her

I can’t let her go

did that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it

guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

I didn’t want

you loved Ava, but your

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized

to

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories

her. My actions and words chipped at her

there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

me. I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

recent thing. All I know

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

to the memory of Emma. She

with someone for

I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at how

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma because you missed her

Something that would guard you from

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

you held on to for dear life?”

sit on the stool completely

I

about it like that. I admit

the hell I was able

right, and I used Emma as an escape from

betrayed the love of my life

body? It

realize that Emma was never the love

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