Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if

me at

with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

me but also knowing

begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me to

lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go

she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at

affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

only way to

What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out of her life for

better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in

insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t

in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

I didn’t

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped

until there was

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

when it happened. When did you fall

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

thing. All I know is that I love

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She

You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma

Something that would guard

because you felt that enjoying

Emma that you held on to for dear

sit on the stool

I

about it like that. I admit

I explain how the hell I was

as an escape

betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray

body? It

that Emma was never the love of my