Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

believed me at

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

feel? Loving me but also knowing that

swore never to get

was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain.

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take

the only way to

never thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with Emma.”

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed

that. He wouldn’t

I guess he just knows me better than I know

I didn’t want to

you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized

easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories.

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

until there

your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

I want to know when it

exact time. Maybe it

recent thing. All I know is that I

frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

on to the memory of Emma. She was

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because

back? Something that would

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with

that you held on to

sit on the

I

it like that. I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I

I used Emma as an escape from what I truly

head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once;

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

to realize that Emma was never the