Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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house and tell her immediately. I would have if

believed me at

I was fucking terrified. Is

but also knowing that I hate

swore never to get drunk ever again.”

I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava.

my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost

the only way to be near

what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out

I can’t let her go no matter how I

The

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

you the one that insisted

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it

guess he just

I didn’t want to

loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this

to

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bitter memories. Memories

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions

until there

in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

it

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

All I know is that

frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her or because

Something that would

because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

that you held on to for dear life?”

the

I

like that. I admit

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was

was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly

love of my life once;

It all made sense in my head then,

was never