Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately.

me at

I

me but also knowing

“I thought you swore never to get

needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness,

only way to

is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

did that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

that insisted that

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than

didn’t

but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is

easier to mend

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bitter memories. Memories where

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at

until there was nothing

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles

to know when it happened. When did you

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

a recent thing. All I know is

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born.

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love,

live with someone for nine years and not

even have touched her

biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed

back? Something that

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

of Emma that you held on to for dear

on the stool

I

like that. I admit

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the

I used Emma as an escape from what

my life once;

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

Emma was never the love of my