Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was

believed me

scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

me but also knowing that I

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get

pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns

ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take

way

never thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me for

nine fucking years?

be completely out of her

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

did that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

insisted that I had

he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

I guess he just knows me better than I

didn’t

your

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

My actions and words

until there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

me. I want to know when it happened. When did

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

a recent thing. All I know is that I

my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was

the memory of Emma. She was your

can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

have touched her if

just got what I needed from her while still hating

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

Emma that you held on to for

the stool completely

I

like that.

the hell I was able to get it

I used Emma as an escape from what I truly

head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

realize that Emma was never the love of my