Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was

believed me

this new awareness, I was fucking

me but also knowing

begins, “I thought you swore never to

it was to realize that

have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s

way to be

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

weren’t you the one that insisted

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

guess he just knows me

I didn’t

you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is

to

+15 BONUS

memories. Memories

My actions and

until there was nothing

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I love her

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

you held on to the memory of Emma.

with someone for nine years and

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if

just got what I

Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

that would guard you from enjoying the

because you felt that enjoying S** with her

held on to for dear

the stool completely

I

that. I admit

I explain how the

as an escape

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life

It all made sense in my head then, but

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of