Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

believed me at

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

Loving me but also

swore never to

understand how difficult it was to realize that I

lost my chance with her all

notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy,

the only way to be near

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

to be completely out of her life

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

weren’t you the one that insisted that I

wouldn’t let it go, even after

he just knows me better than I know

didn’t

loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

wish is that I had

have been easier to

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at

there was

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

me. I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

All I know is

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was

her because you held on to the memory of Emma.

with someone for nine years

have

process. I just got what I needed from her while still

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her or

hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

because you felt that enjoying

of Emma that you held on to for

on the stool

I

it like that.

explain how the hell I was able to

Gabe was right, and I used Emma as an escape from

of my life once; how then could I betray her

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

to realize that Emma was never the