Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too

believed me at

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

also

you swore never to get drunk

the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of

frowns at

affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn

way to be near

is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell

nine fucking years?

to be completely out of her life for good. I want to

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in

that insisted that I

he was about that. He wouldn’t

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t want to

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories

broke her. My actions and words

there

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

when it happened. When

Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

I know is that

through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

live with

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from

imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or

Something that would guard you

felt that enjoying

you held on to for

on the stool completely

I

like that. I admit

would I explain how the hell I

used Emma as

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her over

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

Emma was never the love of