Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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house and tell her immediately. I would have

believed me

but with this new awareness, I

but also knowing that I

“I thought you swore never to get

I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was

I may have lost my chance with her all because

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even

only way

went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better

I didn’t

but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that

have been easier to

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bitter memories. Memories where I had

actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

until there was nothing

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

know when it happened. When did you fall for

exact time. Maybe it

All I know is that I love her

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was

your true love. You can’t live with someone

have touched her if you didn’t feel

a biological process. I just got what I needed

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

that would guard you from enjoying the

felt that enjoying

Emma that you held on to

on the stool completely

I

it like that. I admit

explain how the hell I was able to

was right, and I used Emma as an escape

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

to realize that Emma was