Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her.

believed me

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking

feel? Loving me but also

swore never to

pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her

chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in

to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give

only way to be near

compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

me to be

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better

didn’t

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

have been easier to

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

there

in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

me. I want to know when it happened. When did you fall

time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

recent thing. All I know is that I love her

through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love,

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while

was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma because you

that

you felt that enjoying S**

you held on

sit on the stool completely

I

like that.

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I

Emma as an escape from what I

my life once; how

body? It all made sense in my

that Emma was never the love