Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t

believed me at

new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

but also knowing that I

begins, “I thought you swore never

understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her

with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns

me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost

only way to be

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts.

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter

did that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

you the one that insisted that I had

about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

Ava. I guess he just knows me

I didn’t want

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

I broke her. My actions and words chipped at

until there was

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

know when it

Maybe it happened when we were still married,

a recent thing. All I know is that I

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

after Noah was born. I also

held on to the memory of Emma.

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

is a biological process. I just got what I

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you

Something that would

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

of Emma that you held

the

I

about it like that.

would I explain how the hell I was

Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her over

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

that Emma was never the love of