Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side

me

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I

begins, “I thought you swore never to get

I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go

frowns at me in

crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give

way to be

what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts.

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for

I can’t let her go no matter how

The

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

insisted that

wouldn’t let it go,

in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t want

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

actions and words chipped at her heart

until there

whistles and I glare at him.

want to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

I know is that I love

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

memory of Emma.

You can’t live with someone for nine years

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

just got what I

was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma because you missed her or

to hold you back? Something that would guard

enjoying S** with her would

that you held on to for dear life?”

on the

I

that. I

I explain how the hell I was able to get

used Emma as an escape from what I

had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

realize that Emma was never the