Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side

believed me at

this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

also knowing that I hate

you swore never

know, but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

I may have lost my chance with her

and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or

let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any

only way

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to

nine fucking years?

be completely out of her life for good. I want

better, but I can’t let her

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with Emma.”

one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

didn’t want to

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

easier to mend what

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stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where

I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

until there was

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

know when it

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

can’t live with someone for nine years

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

I needed from her

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

Something that would guard you from enjoying the

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S**

held on to

on the stool completely

I

like that. I admit I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to

and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly

the love of my life once; how then could

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

was never the love of my