Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

believed me at

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking

also knowing that

thought you swore never to get drunk

it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but

lost my chance with her all because

up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me

me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost

way to

through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out

better, but I can’t

did that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than

I didn’t want to

Ava, but your

was wrong.”

is that I

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where

broke her. My actions and words chipped

until there was nothing

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

know when it happened. When did

Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

All I know is that I love her

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born.

because you held on to the memory of Emma.

can’t live with someone for nine years and

wouldn’t even have touched her if

I needed from

was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you

hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

you felt that enjoying S**

of Emma that you held

sit on the stool completely

I

like that.

how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up

was right, and I used Emma as an escape from

betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It

Emma was never the love of my fucking