Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It

me

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

but also knowing

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I

my chance with her all

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks

crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take it

only way

she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be

can’t let her go no

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t

with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe

easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where I had

I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

there was nothing

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and

it happened. When did you fall for her?”

time. Maybe it happened

All I know

through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

held on to the memory of Emma. She was

You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

you held on to for dear life?”

on the

I

that. I

how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly

of my life

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

realize that Emma was never the love of