Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

believed me

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

me but also knowing that I

swore

it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating

chance with her all because I couldn’t

and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when,

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of

the only way to be

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good.

but I can’t let her go no

that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

insisted that I had suppressed

he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just

didn’t want

but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this

to mend

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I

broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

there

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

when it

Maybe it

thing. All I know

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

came after Noah was born. I

to love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

I just got what I needed from her

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you

you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

because you felt that enjoying S** with

that you held on to for dear

the stool

I

about it like that. I

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able

used Emma as an

had already betrayed the love of my

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

was never the love