Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon

me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

Loving me but also knowing that I

thought you swore never to get drunk

understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

her all because I couldn’t let go of my

don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy,

way to be

compared to what I

nine fucking years?

be completely out of her life

I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t

guess he just knows me better than I

didn’t want to

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

to

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stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly

until there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

All I know is

through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

on to the memory of Emma. She was your

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

You wouldn’t even have touched her if

what I needed from

Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

back? Something that would

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be

held on to

sit on the stool completely

I

it like that.

would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

I used Emma as an escape

of my life once;

Ava’s body? It all made sense in

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of