Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my

me at

I was fucking terrified. Is this

feel? Loving me but also knowing

thought you swore never to get

realize that

have lost my chance with her all

pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in

like a damn lost puppy, begging for

the only way to be

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no

did that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with Emma.”

you the one that insisted that I

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

I didn’t want to

loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

is that I had relegalized

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

I broke her. My actions and words chipped

there was nothing

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

when it happened.

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

a recent thing. All I know is

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

love. You can’t live with someone for nine years

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

what I needed from her while still hating

was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her or

you back? Something that would guard you

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying

you held on to

sit on the stool

I

that. I admit

would I explain how the hell I was able to get it

Gabe was right, and I used Emma as an escape

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in

to realize that Emma was never the love of my fucking