Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

rush back to her house and tell her

believed me

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

but also knowing

swore never to

needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but

lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval.

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection

the only way to be

never thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her

that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

insisted that I had suppressed

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

I guess he just knows me

I didn’t

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

is that I had

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

I broke her. My actions and words chipped

there was

whistles and I glare at him.

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

exact time. Maybe

I know is that

hand through my hair. I was frustrated

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

to love her because you held on to the memory

with someone for nine years and not feel a

even have touched her if you

I needed from her while still hating

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed

hold you back? Something that would guard you

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

of Emma that you held

on the stool

I

it like that. I admit I

would I explain how the

and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

love of my life

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

that Emma was never the love of