Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to her house and tell her immediately. I

me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

Loving me but also knowing that

thought you swore never to get drunk

pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava.

may have lost my chance with her

up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for

the only way to be

she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell

nine fucking years?

me to be completely

better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with

that insisted

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than

didn’t

but your insistence at times made me

was wrong.”

is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

been easier to

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions

there was nothing

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still haven’t

it happened. When did you fall

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

thing. All I know is that

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also

love her because you held on to the memory

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

hold you back? Something that would

that enjoying S** with

Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the stool completely

I

that. I admit I

explain how the hell

Emma as an escape from what

love of my life once; how then

Ava’s body? It

to realize that Emma was never the love of