Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won.

me

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking

but also knowing that I hate

you swore never to get drunk

know, but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate

crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even

way to be

out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out of her life

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had

he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

I didn’t want to

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where

broke her. My actions and

there

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

to know when it happened. When did you fall

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe

thing. All I know is that I love

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born.

on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

with someone for nine years and not

even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

I

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at how

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

you back? Something that would guard you from

felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

of Emma that you held on to for

sit on the stool

I

that. I admit

I explain how the hell

as an escape from what I

of my life once;

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

Emma was never the love of my