Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to her house and tell her immediately. I would have

believed me at

with this new awareness, I was

but also knowing

thought you swore never to get

the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It

with her all

pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks

it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

way to be near

never thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of

better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

that insisted that

that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t want to

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at

there was

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

it

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

recent thing. All I know is that I love

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years

have touched her if you didn’t feel something

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed her or

that would guard you from

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

of Emma that you held on to

on the stool

I

that. I admit

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the

and I used Emma as

already betrayed the love of my life once; how

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

that Emma was never the love of my fucking