Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won.

believed me at

with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

also knowing that I

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never

difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain.

that I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate

I follow her around like a damn

only way to be near

hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let

he just knows me better than I know myself. He

I didn’t want

but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

broke her. My actions

there was

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still

I know is that I

through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

came after Noah was born.

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

true love. You can’t live with someone

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because

Something that would guard you from

enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

held on

on the stool

I

like that. I

how the hell I

and I used Emma as an

betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

to realize that Emma was