Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t

believed me at

I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

but also knowing

“I thought you swore never to get

how difficult it was to realize that I

with her all because I couldn’t let go of

I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she

to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me.

only way

what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out of her

can’t let her go no

happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed

that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

didn’t want

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

easier to

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

I broke her. My actions

until there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

I want to know when it happened. When did

time. Maybe it happened when we

recent thing. All I know is that I love her

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

to the memory of Emma.

can’t live with someone for nine

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because

Something that would guard you from enjoying the

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

of Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

sit on the

I

about it like that. I admit I

the hell I was able to

as an escape

betrayed the love of my life once; how then

enjoying Ava’s body? It all

was never the