1. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It

believed me

scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

me but also knowing that

thought you swore never to get drunk

numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her

with her all because I couldn’t let go

to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging

only way

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out of her life for

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

one that insisted

about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

he just knows me better than I know

I didn’t

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

to

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped

until there was

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

it happened. When did you fall

time. Maybe it

I know is that I love

was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel

even have touched her if you

I needed from her while

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

you held on to

sit on the stool

I

about it like that.

how would I explain how the hell I was able

Gabe was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

had already betrayed the love of my life once;

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

was

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