Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon

me at

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

also

you swore

needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was

with her all because I couldn’t let

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in

it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for

way to

nothing compared to what

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed

He wouldn’t let it

Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

didn’t want

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories

actions

until there

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

me. I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

I know is that I love

I was frustrated

you love someone!

came after Noah was

the memory of Emma. She was your first love,

live with someone for nine

wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

I just got what I needed from her

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

that

you felt that enjoying S** with her would be

Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the stool

I

about it like that.

I explain how the hell I was able to get it up

used Emma as an

the love of my life once; how then could I betray

body? It all made sense in

realize that Emma was