Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She

believed me at

but with this new awareness, I

me but also knowing that I

you swore never to get

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of

pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I

only way

what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out

better, but I can’t let

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

weren’t you the one that insisted that

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

I guess he

didn’t want to

your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

there

your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

want to know when it happened.

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

came after Noah was

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for

have touched

I needed from her while still hating her. I am

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you

Something that would

felt that enjoying S** with her would

held on to for

sit on the

I

it like that.

explain how the hell I was able to

and I used Emma as

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

that Emma was never