Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon

believed me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

Loving me but also knowing that I hate

swore

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused

I may have lost my chance with her all

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any

way to be near

dishing out is nothing compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be

but I can’t let her

The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just

didn’t

loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that I had relegalized

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

actions

until there was nothing

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

want to know when it happened. When did

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

a recent thing. All I know is that I

I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

after

her because you held on to the memory of

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years

I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

biological process. I just got what I needed from

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because

to hold you back? Something that would guard you

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

held on to for dear

the

I

like that. I

the hell I was able to

and I used Emma as an escape from what I

betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her over

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It

to realize that Emma was never the love