Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon

believed me at

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

me but also knowing that

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to

it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll

way to be near

through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with

insisted that I had

He wouldn’t

he just knows me better than

didn’t want to

Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

memories. Memories where I had her,

her. My actions and words

until there was nothing

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

want to know when it happened. When did

time. Maybe it happened when

I know

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after

to the memory of Emma. She was your

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you

biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

to hold you back? Something that would guard you

because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

Emma that you held on to for dear

the stool completely

I

like that. I admit I

how the

and I used Emma as an escape from what I

betrayed the love of my life

body? It all

was never the love