Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell

believed me at

I was fucking terrified. Is this how

feel? Loving me but also knowing that

you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve

my chance with her all because I couldn’t

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval.

let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps

only way

what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out

I can’t let her go no matter

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

one that insisted

he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t want to

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

actions

until there was nothing

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

me. I want to know when it happened. When did you

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I love her

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

her because you held on to the memory of

with

have touched her if you didn’t feel something

just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I am

I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

enjoying S** with her

Emma that you held on to for dear

on the stool

I

it like that. I admit I

I explain how the hell I was able to get it

right, and I used Emma as an escape from

head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It

Emma was never the love of my fucking