Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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wanted to rush back to her house and tell her

me at

new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

also

you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but

with her

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks

not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a

the only way to be

is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

be completely out

I can’t let her go no

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in

the one that insisted that I had suppressed

was about that. He wouldn’t let it

guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t want

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

have been easier to

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stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly

there was nothing

in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

it happened. When did you fall for her?”

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

All I know is that I

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

live with someone for nine years and

even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

I imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed

hold you back? Something that would guard

felt that enjoying S** with her would be

you held on

sit on the stool completely

I

it like that. I admit

I explain how the hell I was

Emma as an

of my life once; how then could I betray her over

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made

starting to realize that Emma was never the