Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have

me at

new awareness, I was fucking

me but also knowing that

begins, “I thought you swore never

know, but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava.

her all because I couldn’t let go of my

and she frowns at

I crave her. I follow her around like a damn

only way to be near

to

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with

one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

he just

I didn’t want to

but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

there was nothing

shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare

know when it

time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

I know is that I

my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

have touched her if you didn’t feel

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed

hold you back? Something that would guard you from

that enjoying S** with her would

you held on

the stool

I

about it like that.

I explain how the hell I was

and I used Emma as an escape from

had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

Ava’s body? It all

starting to realize that Emma was never the love of my