Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have

believed me at

scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

Loving me but also knowing that I hate

begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me to

chance with her all because

every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost

the only way to

of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it

nine fucking years?

to be

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than

didn’t want to

me you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this

easier to mend

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I

her. My actions and words chipped at

until there

in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

to know when it happened. When did

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

thing. All I

frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

after Noah was born.

on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love,

love. You can’t live with someone for

even have touched

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

Something that would guard you from

because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

Emma that you held on to for

the stool

I

that.

I explain how the hell I

and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

my life once; how

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

Emma was never the love of my