1. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

believed me at

scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

also knowing that I hate

swore never

needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her

may have lost my chance with her all because

show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost

the only way to be near

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let

happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love with

the one that insisted

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I

I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

until there was

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

when it happened. When did you

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

a recent thing. All I know is that

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

memory of Emma.

live with

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if

just got what I needed from her while still

she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you

that would guard you

because you felt that enjoying S** with her

held on to for dear life?”

on the

I

like that. I admit I

how would I explain how the hell I was able

right, and I used Emma as an

already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

Emma was never the love of my

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