Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to

believed me

new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

me but also knowing that I

you swore never to

was to realize that I love Ava. That all

her all because I couldn’t

I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at

ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I

way

is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

guess he just knows

I didn’t want

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories.

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words

until there

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

I want to know when it happened. When did you

the exact time. Maybe it happened

All I know is that I

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

even have touched her if

got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her or because you

to hold you back? Something that would guard you

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

held

on the stool

I

it like that. I

explain how the hell I was

I used Emma as an escape

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray

Ava’s body? It all made sense

was never the love of my