Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have

believed me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

me but also knowing

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It

I may have lost my chance with her all

she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing

her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll

the only way

dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

be completely out of

better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with

one that insisted that

that. He wouldn’t

Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t want

your insistence

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had

I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

until there was nothing

to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

when it happened.

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

I

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you

I just got what I needed from her while

she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

you back? Something that would guard

felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

held on to for dear

sit on the stool completely

I

it like that. I admit

how the hell I was

I used Emma as an escape from

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

was never the love of my