Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

house and tell her immediately. I would have

believed me

I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

but also knowing

“I thought you swore never to

it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this

chance with her

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any

way to

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out

better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love

insisted that I had suppressed

wouldn’t let it go,

I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

I didn’t

your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that I

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories

actions and words chipped at her heart slowly

until there was nothing

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

I want to know when it happened. When did you fall

the exact time. Maybe

a recent thing. All I know is

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also

memory of Emma. She was your first

love. You can’t live with someone for nine

even have touched her if you didn’t feel

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed

back? Something that would

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

you held

on the stool

I

that.

I explain how the hell I was able

was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what

had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

starting to realize that Emma was