Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t

me at

new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

feel? Loving me but also knowing that

begins, “I thought you swore

can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain.

may have lost my chance with her all

she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but

I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take

way to be near

went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it

nine fucking years?

me. Wants me to be

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

about that. He wouldn’t let

guess he

I didn’t

Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped

until there was nothing

whistles and I glare

it happened. When did

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

I know is that

frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

You can’t live with someone for

wouldn’t even have touched

I needed from

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma because you

back? Something that

because you felt that enjoying

you held on to

sit on the stool completely

I

like that. I

explain how the hell

Emma as an escape from what I

my life once; how then could I betray her over

It all made sense in my head then,

realize that Emma was never the love of my fucking