Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was

believed me

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

but also knowing that I hate

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore

how difficult it was to realize

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times,

affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness,

the only way to be near

through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good.

that because she deserves better, but I can’t

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

you the one that insisted that

He wouldn’t

with Ava. I guess he just

I didn’t want to

me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

wish is that I

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and

there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

me. I want to know when it happened. When did you fall for

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

I know is that I love her

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

the memory of Emma. She was your

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her

she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick

treated her. 1

1

you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

Something that would guard you

you felt that enjoying S**

you held on to for

the stool

I

it like that.

explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

my life once; how then could I betray her

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

that Emma was never the love of my