Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if

me

with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

but also

swore never to

I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy,

only way to be near

she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

but I can’t let her go no matter how

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he

I didn’t want to

loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

easier to mend

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories.

broke her. My actions and

there was nothing

whistles and I glare at him. “But you

know when it happened. When did you

time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

recent thing. All I know is that I love

my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

was your true love. You can’t live with someone

even have touched her if

I needed from her

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

that would guard you from

felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

held on to for

on the stool

I

like that. I admit

the hell

Emma as an escape from what I truly

had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

Emma was never