Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

me at

scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I

begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk

You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That

have lost my chance with her all because I

she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate

follow her around like a damn

way to be

is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely

that because she deserves better, but I can’t

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with

that insisted that I had

he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

wish is that I had

to

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

her. My actions and words chipped at

until there

shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare

I want to know when it

the exact time. Maybe it

thing. All I know is

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I also

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first

can’t live with someone for nine years and not

have touched her if you

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her or because

hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

because you felt that enjoying S** with her would

of Emma that you held on

the stool completely

I

like that. I

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up

I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

love of my life once; how then could I betray

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head

Emma was never the love of