Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too

believed me

with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

feel? Loving me but also knowing that

thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

to realize that I love Ava. That all this time

with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”

show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing

I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps

the only way to

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

better, but I can’t let

did that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t want to

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

wish is

have been easier to

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

her. My actions

until there was nothing

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

to know when it happened. When

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born.

you held on to the memory of Emma.

true love. You can’t live with someone

even have

just got what I needed from

Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

Emma because

hold you back? Something that would guard

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

held on to for dear

the stool

I

about it like that.

would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up

Emma as an escape from

betrayed the love of my life once; how then

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense

was never the love of my fucking