Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon

believed me at

new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

Loving me but also knowing that

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain.

with her all because I

notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at

affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging

the only way to be near

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

but I can’t let her go no

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

insisted that I had

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

he just

didn’t want to

you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

easier to

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories.

her. My actions and

there

whistles

it happened. When did you fall for

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when

it’s a recent thing. All I know

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so you

can’t live with someone for

Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her

process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

she was Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

you back? Something that would guard you from

felt that enjoying S** with her

that you held on

the

I

it like that.

the hell I was able

as an escape from what I

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I betray her

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made

starting to realize that Emma was never the