Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell

believed me

new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

also

you swore never to get

needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

up, and she frowns at me in disapproval.

let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection

only way to be

dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be

she deserves better, but I can’t let her

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

that insisted

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go,

I guess he just

I didn’t

you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized

to mend

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories.

broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

until there

in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

I want to know when it happened. When

time. Maybe it happened when we were

thing. All I know is

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you didn’t

to the memory of Emma. She

your true love. You can’t live with

I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

got what I needed from her while

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because

that

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

of Emma that you held on to

sit on the stool completely

I

like that. I

would I explain how the

Emma as an escape from what I truly

had already betrayed the love of my

body? It all made

that Emma was never the love