Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side

believed me at

I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

Loving me but also knowing that I

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get

know, but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve

have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go

don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me.

way

what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts.

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I

happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

weren’t you the one that insisted

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

with Ava. I guess he just knows me better

I didn’t

your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

actions and words chipped

there

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

when it happened. When did you fall for

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe

thing. All I know is that I love

through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

came after Noah was born. I also

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

with someone for nine

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you

what I needed from her while still hating

I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her

back? Something that

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

held on to for dear life?”

on the stool completely

I

like that. I admit

explain how the hell I was able to get

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

was never the love of my fucking