Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She

me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

but also knowing that I hate

“I thought you swore never to

I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval.

I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give

the only way to be near

to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her

because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking

The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

insisted

about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just

didn’t want to

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

only wish is that I

easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by

until there was

shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

me. I want to know when it happened.

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I love her

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also

her because you held on to the memory

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine

You wouldn’t even have touched

a biological process. I just got what I needed

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma

back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

that you held on

on the stool

I

it like that. I admit

I explain how the hell

used Emma as an escape from what I

betrayed the love of my life once; how then could I

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

was never the love of