Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won.

believed me at

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

Loving me but also knowing that

thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”

realize that I love Ava. That all this time

chance with her all because I couldn’t let

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times,

I crave her. I follow her around like a

the only way to

at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love

you the one that insisted that I

He wouldn’t

he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t want to

loved Ava, but your

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

easier to mend

+15 BONUS

Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

I broke her. My actions and

there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

to know when it happened. When did

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

All I

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

to the memory

can’t live with someone

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

I

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her

that

you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

of Emma that you held on to

on the stool completely

I

that.

the hell I was able to get it

was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how

body? It all made sense in my head then,

to realize that Emma was never the love of my fucking