Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

believed me

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

feel? Loving me but also knowing that

yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore

was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused

with her

pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at

I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for

only way to be

is dishing out is nothing compared to what

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in love with

the one that insisted that I

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

he just knows me

didn’t want

but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

bitter memories.

I broke her. My actions

there

Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

it happened. When did

time. Maybe it happened when we

recent thing. All I

my hand through my hair. I was frustrated

you love someone!

there. Probably came after

memory of Emma. She was

can’t live with someone for nine years

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something for

just got what I

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her or because you

you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal

Emma that you held on to for dear life?”

the stool

I

it like that. I

would I explain how the hell

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly

love of my life

with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my

that Emma was