Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would

believed me

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified.

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I hate

thought you swore

how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me

that I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns

it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of

only way to be

at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter

did that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in

insisted that I

about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

guess he just knows me better than I know

didn’t want to

Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

only wish is that I

to mend what I

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories

her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped

there

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But

know when it happened.

can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

recent thing. All I know is

was frustrated

you love someone!

came after Noah was born.

to the memory

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years

have touched her if you didn’t feel

is a biological process. I just got what I

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed her

to hold you back? Something that would guard you

you felt that enjoying S**

you held

sit on the stool

I

that. I

the hell I was able to get

right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

the love of my

Ava’s body? It all

to realize that Emma was