Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It

believed me

awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how

but also knowing that

you swore

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all

that I may have lost my chance with her

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s

the only way to

to what I

nine fucking years?

to be completely

but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

one that insisted that I had suppressed

about that. He wouldn’t let

guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t want

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized

have been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at

there

be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him.

it happened. When did you fall

Maybe it happened when we were still married, or

it’s a recent thing. All I know is that I

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I also think you

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She

true love. You can’t live with someone for

even have touched her if you didn’t feel

I needed from her

I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed

Something that would guard you from

Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a

you held

sit on the stool

I

like that.

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

and I used Emma as an escape from

betrayed the love of my life

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

was never the love of