Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have

believed me at

but with this new awareness, I was fucking

but also

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk

numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her

chance with her all because I couldn’t

frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take it

way to

compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love

you the one that insisted that

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

with Ava. I guess he just

I didn’t want

you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

right. My only wish is that

been easier to mend what I

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

there

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

I want to know when it happened.

exact time. Maybe it happened when

thing. All I know is

my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a lousy time to

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I

to love her because you held on to the memory

love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if

biological process. I just got what I needed from

she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

Did you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

you felt that enjoying S** with her would be a betrayal to

held on to for dear life?”

the stool completely

I

about it like that. I

how the hell I was able to

I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

I had already betrayed the love of my

body? It all made sense in

realize that Emma was never the love of my fucking