Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It

me at

this new awareness, I

also knowing that I hate

thought you swore never to

I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I

only way to be

hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her.

nine fucking years?

with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

can’t

The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

in

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself.

I didn’t want

Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

is that I

easier to

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter memories.

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

until there

in your shoes” Gabe whistles

me. I want to know when it

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

recent thing. All I know is that I love

hair. I was frustrated and fucking

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was

because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

even have touched her if you didn’t feel

process. I just got what I needed from her while

say there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because

back? Something that

that enjoying S** with her would

you held on to for dear

the stool

I

like that.

the hell

Emma as an escape from what I truly

already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

again by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,

to realize that Emma was never the love of my fucking