Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

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her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t

me

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

but also

thought you swore never to

numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her

have lost my chance with her all

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even

way to be near

dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me for

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

can’t let

happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed

how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after

he just knows me better than I know myself.

didn’t

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it

been easier to

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the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at

until there was nothing

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at

want to know when it happened. When did

exact time. Maybe it happened when

All I know

was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

came after

held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

even have touched her if you didn’t feel

I

I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma

to hold you back? Something that

and Ava because you felt that enjoying S** with her

Emma that you held on

the stool

I

it like that. I admit I

explain how the

and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

my life once; how then could I betray her

by sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in

Emma was never the love of