Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too

believed me at

I was fucking terrified. Is

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore

realize

chance with her all because I couldn’t let go

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times,

me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s

the only way to be near

she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out of her life for

deserves better, but I can’t let her go

did that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in love

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

he was about that. He wouldn’t

I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t want to

but your insistence

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

until there was

whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

to know when it

time. Maybe it

a recent thing. All I know is that I love

I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born.

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

have

process. I just got what I

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

that enjoying

Emma that you held on to for

the

I

about it like that. I admit I

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

as an

head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all

that Emma was never the love of