Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

92. She deserves better.

Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational

me

scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used

me but also

you swore never to get

to realize that I love

chance with her all because

show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me

I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy,

only way

to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in

weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better

I didn’t

gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

been easier to

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

until there

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

want to know when it happened. When did

the exact time. Maybe

All I know is that I love

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I

her because you held on to the memory of

live with

them. I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you

that

because you felt that enjoying S**

Emma that you held on to for dear

the stool

I

about it like that. I admit I

how the hell I was able to get it

Emma as

love of my life once; how then

body? It all made

to realize that Emma was never the love of