Fated To The Alpha (Ezra, Katya)

Read Fated To The Alpha [by Jessica Hall] Chapter 218 – Marabella POV

The water was blistering hot, my skin turning a dark red as the water beat against my flesh, yet it was not enough. Anger, hatred so strong I felt like I was going to combust. I wanted to hurt something, hurt someone instead of being the one that was always taking the blows, suffering in silence, yet the pain was something that also took the anger. So, I turned the anger inward. I needed the numbness to return. Depression is funny like that; one minute, you feel too much, and others, you feel nothing at all.

When I was a child, I heard all about mate bonds, heard about the undying love that comes with it, some fairytale ending we were all supposed to get. Once I hit high school, that dream soon faded; I wanted what my mother had; I wanted to be loved and to love back just fiercely.

Be desired and desiring someone else so much it was blissfully painful, but those expectations were unrealistic, and I see that now. Back then, my mother’s words made no sense to me when I asked if it was the same for everyone. She looked at me, and her smile slipped off her face. She got that strange look in her eye like she was seeing something we couldn’t see.

“Sometimes we don’t get to decide, sometimes I don’t get to choose, sometimes the love kills them,” I remembered she looked sad, but it didn’t make sense to me; my mother was the Moon Goddess.

“But you choose the bonds?” I had questioned her.

“Yes, but some bonds choose each other. Those bonds can be toxic, those bonds I can’t control because fate had other plans for them,” she replied before brushing my hair back behind my ears.

“Well, when I find my mate, he will love m e, right, Mumma?” I asked her,

“Of course he will, bonds are sacred, but sometimes mate bonds aren’t the strongest love of all,”

“What do you mean?” I asked my Nine- year-old brain, not understanding her words.

“Chosen bonds can love more fiercely than any mate bond Marabella, that is why choice is divine, that’s why it can change fate,” I wondered now if that look were because she knew back then, I wouldn’t get my happy ending.

nine-year-old, I still believed a mate bond would bring me a friend and someone who would love me and me alone. I held

find happiness or the fairytale ending I had pictured in my head. No one wanted me. Sometimes I wondered if I was more burden to my family than the blessing they called us. Since when is d***h a

the flaws of my existence was now incomprehensible. I realized I was naive. Darkness doesn’t find happiness. I was darkness, darkness incarnate, the grim reaper; the one everyone avoided getting too close, everyone trying to avoid the touch of d***h, so why wouldn’t my mate fear me like the

think so back then, thought my mate would want me, that mates had no limits that someone would accept me over everyone, but he turned out to be another person who didn’t choose

she came along. Told me that all the years of suffering in silence would b e worth it, that our mate would accept us, love us unconditionally, and we would feel different,

was wrong about the feeling. It didn’t feel like she said. Kyan invoked a new feeling, a new part of me that I wasn’t used to feeling, numb I could handle, numb I was used to, but anger coursed through me, making me want to hurt him for k*****g that

that one. For years I remained silent, letting my life slip by, waiting for this moment to correct it, waiting without realizing I was waiting for something more. Silent for so long, waiting for a mate to make me feel whole. Silent thinking that once they came, I would find myself again, but now I wanted to scream, and I realized my silence was in its own

be noticed. That is what silence is until eventually, silence is mute, numb, and no longer caring but accepting of the fact you’ll never be seen. You’ll never be acknowledged. Silence is breaking, and resolving the two go hand in hand. My silence for years was golden, just letting myself slip away with my voice,

spent my life stumbling blindly in the abyss of myself, waiting for my mate to one day pull me out. No longer living, just accepting, settling for what was normal for me. Comfortably complacent in my misery, until he made my heart beat faster, awakening something I wanted, for once I wanted something, and the fates took that away too. The last piece of

didn’t fight me. For once, she let me, wanting the pain, anything to extinguish the feeling of sadness washing over me. Grieving something I never had in the first place or never will have, I wanted the numbness back, the autopilot feeling, the feeling where I no longer cared about what happened to me; I needed

enough, and I pierce my flesh deeper than ever, seeking the numbness that usually comes with it, yet nothing. Not even as I rake my claws through my skin all the way to my hip.

looking down at my mutilated leg, having forgotten I wasn’t in the confines of my bedroom. I wasn’t home where I could suffer in silence and be left to my own vices while my parents tended to Eziah, the next Alpha. I was usually forgotten with all

as I frantically looked for something to stem the bleeding. Grabbing wads of toilet paper, it sticks to my leg, stopping it as I rush over to my handbag,

or I will kick the door down,” I gulp before frantically grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself. I hear talking as I reach the door and crack it open enough, keeping my leg behind the door and out

trembled slightly, and I

in there for a while, just checking on you,” Jonah says before paying attention to who he is on the phone to. I recognized Kyan’s voice but

is fine; she is standing right in

then, she is fine, I am looking right at her,” Jonah

him your fine before he comes over here,” Jonah says, handing me the phone and walking off. I stare at the phone and see a

snaps through

tell him. He growls at me, and I am about to hang up when a violent shiver runs up my

f*****g time Marabella, next time you end up in a straight jacket in my basement,” He snaps before hanging up abruptly. I stare at the phone screen and shake my head, wondering what got into him when I feel a cold feeling