Fated To The Alpha (Ezra, Katya)

Read Fated To The Alpha [by Jessica Hall] Chapter 218 – Marabella POV

The water was blistering hot, my skin turning a dark red as the water beat against my flesh, yet it was not enough. Anger, hatred so strong I felt like I was going to combust. I wanted to hurt something, hurt someone instead of being the one that was always taking the blows, suffering in silence, yet the pain was something that also took the anger. So, I turned the anger inward. I needed the numbness to return. Depression is funny like that; one minute, you feel too much, and others, you feel nothing at all.

When I was a child, I heard all about mate bonds, heard about the undying love that comes with it, some fairytale ending we were all supposed to get. Once I hit high school, that dream soon faded; I wanted what my mother had; I wanted to be loved and to love back just fiercely.

Be desired and desiring someone else so much it was blissfully painful, but those expectations were unrealistic, and I see that now. Back then, my mother’s words made no sense to me when I asked if it was the same for everyone. She looked at me, and her smile slipped off her face. She got that strange look in her eye like she was seeing something we couldn’t see.

“Sometimes we don’t get to decide, sometimes I don’t get to choose, sometimes the love kills them,” I remembered she looked sad, but it didn’t make sense to me; my mother was the Moon Goddess.

“But you choose the bonds?” I had questioned her.

“Yes, but some bonds choose each other. Those bonds can be toxic, those bonds I can’t control because fate had other plans for them,” she replied before brushing my hair back behind my ears.

“Well, when I find my mate, he will love m e, right, Mumma?” I asked her,

“Of course he will, bonds are sacred, but sometimes mate bonds aren’t the strongest love of all,”

“What do you mean?” I asked my Nine- year-old brain, not understanding her words.

“Chosen bonds can love more fiercely than any mate bond Marabella, that is why choice is divine, that’s why it can change fate,” I wondered now if that look were because she knew back then, I wouldn’t get my happy ending.

nine-year-old, I still believed a mate bond would bring me a friend and someone who would love me and me alone. I held onto that, for as long as possible, that out-of-reach dream until I

fairytale ending I had pictured in my head. No one wanted me.

hoped for a mate that would love me, want me despite the flaws of my existence was now incomprehensible. I realized I was naive. Darkness doesn’t find happiness. I was darkness, darkness incarnate, the grim reaper; the one everyone avoided getting too close, everyone trying to avoid the touch of d***h, so why

me, that mates had no limits that someone would accept me over everyone, but he turned out to be another person

Told me that all the years of suffering in silence would b e

a new feeling, a new part of me that I wasn’t used to feeling, numb I could handle, numb I was used to, but anger coursed

recognized your mate, nothing compared to the love you felt for them, it was blindingly strong. But to love and hate someone, she never told me that one. For years I remained silent, letting my life slip by, waiting for this moment to correct it, waiting without realizing

mute, numb, and no longer caring but accepting of the fact you’ll never be seen. You’ll never be acknowledged. Silence is breaking, and resolving

longer living, just accepting, settling for what was normal for me. Comfortably complacent in my misery, until he made my heart beat faster, awakening something I wanted, for once I wanted something, and the fates took that away too. The last piece of hope I had, and they destroyed it by giving me someone

was now broken too. For once, she didn’t fight me. For once, she let me, wanting the pain, anything to extinguish the feeling of sadness washing over me. Grieving something I never had in the

my fingertips with blinding speed as they dug into my t***h; the relief was short-lived as my blood spilled over the tops of my thighs and washed down the drain. My claws retract but still, it was not enough, and I pierce my flesh deeper than ever, seeking the numbness that usually comes with it, yet nothing. Not even as I rake my claws through my skin all the way to my hip. Darkness tainted my blood, streaks of black spilling onto the floor swirling through the scarlet liquid that spilled out of me. I shudder as the coldness seeps through me, coating me with numbing relief when I hear a knock on

bedroom. I wasn’t home where I could suffer in silence and be left

stem the bleeding. Grabbing wads of toilet paper, it sticks to my leg, stopping it as I rush over to my handbag, rifling through it. My wounds never healed, and I never this

wrapping it around myself. I hear talking as I reach the door and

my voice trembled slightly, and I realized he

before paying attention to who he is on the phone to. I recognized Kyan’s voice

standing

am looking right at her,”

tell him your fine before he comes over here,” Jonah says, handing me the phone and walking off. I stare at the phone and see a picture of Kyan on the

Kyan snaps

and I am about to

time you end up in a straight jacket in my basement,” He snaps before hanging up abruptly. I stare at the phone screen and shake my head, wondering what got into him when I feel a cold feeling seep