Fated To The Alpha (Ezra, Katya)

Read Fated To The Alpha [by Jessica Hall] Chapter 218 – Marabella POV

The water was blistering hot, my skin turning a dark red as the water beat against my flesh, yet it was not enough. Anger, hatred so strong I felt like I was going to combust. I wanted to hurt something, hurt someone instead of being the one that was always taking the blows, suffering in silence, yet the pain was something that also took the anger. So, I turned the anger inward. I needed the numbness to return. Depression is funny like that; one minute, you feel too much, and others, you feel nothing at all.

When I was a child, I heard all about mate bonds, heard about the undying love that comes with it, some fairytale ending we were all supposed to get. Once I hit high school, that dream soon faded; I wanted what my mother had; I wanted to be loved and to love back just fiercely.

Be desired and desiring someone else so much it was blissfully painful, but those expectations were unrealistic, and I see that now. Back then, my mother’s words made no sense to me when I asked if it was the same for everyone. She looked at me, and her smile slipped off her face. She got that strange look in her eye like she was seeing something we couldn’t see.

“Sometimes we don’t get to decide, sometimes I don’t get to choose, sometimes the love kills them,” I remembered she looked sad, but it didn’t make sense to me; my mother was the Moon Goddess.

“But you choose the bonds?” I had questioned her.

“Yes, but some bonds choose each other. Those bonds can be toxic, those bonds I can’t control because fate had other plans for them,” she replied before brushing my hair back behind my ears.

“Well, when I find my mate, he will love m e, right, Mumma?” I asked her,

“Of course he will, bonds are sacred, but sometimes mate bonds aren’t the strongest love of all,”

“What do you mean?” I asked my Nine- year-old brain, not understanding her words.

“Chosen bonds can love more fiercely than any mate bond Marabella, that is why choice is divine, that’s why it can change fate,” I wondered now if that look were because she knew back then, I wouldn’t get my happy ending.

friend and someone who would love me and me alone. I held onto that, for as long as possible, that

or the fairytale ending I had pictured in my head. No one

that would love me, want me despite the flaws of my existence was now incomprehensible. I realized I was naive. Darkness doesn’t find happiness. I was darkness, darkness incarnate, the grim reaper; the one everyone avoided getting too close, everyone trying to avoid the touch of

mate would want me, that mates had no limits that someone would accept me over everyone, but he turned out to be another person who didn’t choose me

that hope back to me when she came along. Told me that all the years of suffering in silence would b e worth it, that our mate would accept us, love us unconditionally, and we would feel different, view

used to feeling, numb I could handle, numb I was used to, but anger coursed through me, making me want to hurt him for k*****g that sliver of hope I hadn’t realized I was hanging onto like it was a lifeline. Instead, I wanted to

correct it, waiting without realizing I was waiting for something more. Silent for so long, waiting for a mate to make me feel whole. Silent thinking that once they came, I would find

acknowledged. Silence is breaking, and resolving the two

out. No longer living, just accepting, settling for what was normal for me. Comfortably complacent in my misery, until he made my heart beat faster, awakening something I wanted, for once I wanted

to leave, wanting the numbness back, and I hated Kyan for destroying her too. Destroying my wolf, the one person that kept me going, and what hope did I have if she was now broken too. For once, she didn’t fight me. For once, she let me, wanting the pain, anything to extinguish the feeling of sadness washing over me.

still, it was not enough, and I pierce my flesh deeper than ever, seeking the numbness that usually comes with it, yet nothing. Not even as I rake my claws through my skin all the way to my hip. Darkness tainted my blood, streaks of black spilling onto the floor swirling through the scarlet liquid that spilled out of me. I shudder as the coldness seeps through me,

of my bedroom. I wasn’t home where I could suffer in silence and be left to my own vices while my parents tended to Eziah, the next Alpha. I was usually forgotten with all his training

Grabbing wads of toilet paper, it sticks to my leg, stopping it as I rush over to my handbag, rifling through it. My wounds never healed, and I never this

door and crack it open enough, keeping my leg behind the door and out of sight. The shower was still running behind me,

trembled slightly, and I realized he

checking on you,” Jonah says before paying attention to who he

she is standing right in front of

you talk to her then, she is fine, I am looking right at her,”

here,” Jonah says, handing me the phone and walking off. I stare at the phone and see

snaps

at me, and I am about to hang up

my head, wondering what got into him when I feel a cold feeling seep up my leg, opening my towel to see black tendrils running beneath my skin,