Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future

“What? No, Kas. That's not possible. You know that's not possible. Saint would never harm a hair on your head. He loves you. | love you," | say desperately, taking a step forward, praying she doesn't take a step back. My heart clenches at the thought that she could ever be scared | would hurt her. What am | talking about? | just slapped her in the hallway in front of all those people. She just had a vision that my wolf killed her. How could she not be scared of me?

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. | find James and Delilah standing there. “Please, come in," | gesture with my arm. “Thank you, Alpha Bronx,” Delilah says with a bow and walks past me.

“If it's alright, Alpha, I'm going to stay in the hall with Tyree. Make sure things are...under control," James gives me a knowing look. | trust him to convince Tyree to keep quiet about this incident.

“Thanks, James," | look at Tyree, who still looks very uncomfortable with what he just witnessed. Even with the sensitivity and speciesism awareness classes we had implemented, I'm sure nothing could prepare him for a purple glowing werewolf, that happened to be his Luna. | look back inside and see Lenora and Delilah trying to console Kas who is now crying and shaking her head. | want to run to her and console her, but | can feel her pain and fear. | know it will just upset her more, "Actually, | think | need to step out for a bit while the ladies work this out too.”

| quietly step out, closing the door behind me. | walk down the stairs, ignoring everyone who says hello, out of the packhouse into the frozen gardens. The early December wind whips through my wool sweater, chilling meto my bone, but | ignore it. | don't care. | pull the pack of cigarettes from my pocket. One left. | light it and take a long comforting drag before | walk further. My boots leave dark prints, like scars on the frosted ground. “Bronx!" | hear Lenora scold through a mind link, "Come back, you ne-” +

| selfishly cut the link before she has a chance to finish and block my mind so no one else can disturb me. | can't face Kas or anyone else right now. Not after what | did. | walk past the gardens, past the sprawling hills, and into the forest of the pack territory. |f the only thing that is ever left of me is footprints on the frozen ground, that is more than | deserve.

more than remorse. More than sorrow. | walk further and further into the woods, no direction or destination in mind. Justa sense of needing to sort myself out before | face my beautiful mate. My beautiful mate, that | hurt. My head is hollow and overwhelmingly full at the same time. Guilt is wracking my body. Every step | take further into the woods destroys me

river, letting the smoke from the cigarette curl in front of my face. The blood red water is slushy with ice coming from the mountain, making it more of a shade of pink. Vignettes of moments with Kas flash in my mind. The first time | saw her, not understanding the rush of the mate bond | was feeling. That first car ride home, holding her in my arms feeling so helpless. Hearing her sweet little giggle for the first time. The look of joy she gets when she cooks for me. The excitement the first time we went to the dining room and | had to hide our glowing hands. The way she initiated our first kiss even though | was caked in mud. Thinking about it now makes butterflies form in my stomach. | take another long drag of the cigarette to calm them down. The pain | felt seeing her disappear into thin air to study with the coven. The pride | felt watching her shift for the first time. Seeing the stunningly beautiful Elexis for the first time. All these thoughts swirl around with my emotions, making me feel more and

up at the moon. It is full and almost at its peak, glued down to the deep blue purple of the night sky. The stars are splattered like bits of paint around it. Almost as beautiful as Kas, | think to myself. Almost. 2 | take a deep breath. | have had low moments in my life before, but this is the lowest. | don't see a way out of this bottomless pit | have thrown myself into. “Moon Goddess, please help me. | need your guidance. | want nothing but the best for your daughter. I'm not sure if | am what is best for her. Not in this life anyway," | gulp hard, fighting back tears as | call out into the sky. The wind takes my words away without a second thought. | close my eye, hoping against all odds, the wind has taken my words to hold an audience with the Moon Goddess. | wipe away a traitorous tear that escapes and tries to slide down my cheek. | feel the

child’ a voice carried by the wind's endless flow reassures me with a whisper. Kas needs me.

Goddess," | say with a smile of

but it must be late. The moon looks to be at its highest point. An odd sensation comes over me. A tickle in the back of my mind quickly becomes an itch and builds

rush of blood makes me dizzy, causing me to lean forward on all fours. My stomach churns and hot bile comes up hitting the ground with a splat.

The roaring in my head won't stop. The dizziness spins my

| groan through the mind link. | hope I'm not too far away. | hope the message makes it through the