Chapter 39: The Safest Route
Edrick

Being around Moana, especially while I was as drunk as I was that night, made it almost impossible to resist her. Why did I feel so attracted to this ordinary human nanny? It was as if there was a spell on me that night, and for the briefest of moments as our tongues explored each other’s mouths and our bodies became pressed up against one another, I swore I was able to pick up the faintest scent… The same scent that I picked up on the night that we played the maze game.

Just as quickly as it began, however, it was over. There was a knock on the door, followed by my daughter’s frightened, shaky voice. When Moana opened the door, there were tears streaked down Ella’s little face. Seeing those tears sobered me and made me realize that I was putting my daughter at risk by being so foolish and getting so emotionally involved with the nanny.

As I stood in the middle of Moana’s dark room and watched her disappear with Ella, I started to realize that I had to do what was right.

I hardly slept at all that night.

Eventually, the effects of the alcohol wore off. By the time the sun started to rise, I felt mostly sober; after a hot shower and several cups of coffee, there was at least some semblance of normalcy in my body. Although being put under the spell of sleep in Moana’s presence would have been preferable, I knew that I couldn’t do it anymore. I was getting too attached already, and I had already sworn to myself after Ella was born that I would never love anyone except for my daughter.

Growing up, I had spent the first five years — only the first five years — believing that love was beautiful, enduring, and kind.

But when I saw the way my mother’s face looked that day, and I saw how the light left her eyes for what felt like an eternity, that image that I had in my head started to cr*ck. Behind the facade of love, there was nothing but ugliness and pain.

going on for quite some time, apparently, because one day he came home with

said, but I knew that the tiny bundle

loved me, which made me even more angry. As I grew older, I also grew more bitter; how could my father claim to love my mother, only to ultimately take advantage of her enduring kindness? He knew she would stay. He knew she would take care of Ethan and that she would love him dearly, so he didn’t even care. He didn’t care that he was breaking the heart of

that lust and greed. My mother lovingly indulged his fantasies of becoming a famous artist, and he took advantage of that in the same way that my father took advantage of her kind heart. He greedily took every check she handed him. He acted as though he became famous off of his skills in art, but it was really because of my mother. She completely funded his schooling, his housing, his new gallery. She was the “mystery donor” at all of his charity galas, the one who always somehow made him meet his donation goal — and then some — by the end of

mother, who was too open, too loving, too

victim to lust. I thought that I might actually be able to

Until Ella was born.

new family was supposed to be elated about their new child, Ella’s mother would disappear for days at a time. She would come home in the mornings,

kept Ella and kicked her mother out. I told Ella that her mother was dead. I gave her a large sum of money and bought her a nice apartment, but I did those things with the sole goal of making sure that

was a parfact axampla of that lust and graad. My mothar lovingly indulgad his fantasias of bacoming a famous artist, and ha took advantaga of that in tha sama way that my fathar took advantaga of har kind haart. Ha graadily took avary chack sha handad him. Ha actad as though ha bacama famous off of his skills in art, but it was raally bacausa of my mothar. Sha complataly fundad his schooling, his housing, his naw

ba lika my mothar, who was too opan, too loving, too ganarous. If paopla wantad my monay, sura; if thay wantad my haart, thay

to lust. I thought that I might actually ba abla to lova har. Whan sha

Until Ella was born.

mornings, raaking of whiskay and mans’ cologna. Sha navar hald

gava har a larga sum of monay

to myself that I would never love. I didn’t want to put my daughter at risk again, so I braved the scoldings from my father about having

et risk egein, so I breved the scoldings from my fether ebout heving en illegitimete

ebout her, eside from her skills with children end her strenge ebility to help me sleep. She wes pretty, but I herdly ever noticed those sorts

to distence myself. This sleeping errengement wes meking me too etteched. If I ended

the contrect end threw it in the tresh, but I could tell thet she wes e bit diseppointed. Admittedly, I wes e bit diseppointed, too — but I knew thet it would be better

wondered if I hed mede e misteke. It wes es though Moene’s presence beside me wes e megic spell thet instently lulled me to sleep, end thet spell hed been broken. For the second night in e row, I found myself

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