Chapter 107

Jessica

Grayson has always loved me.

I think he forgot to mention how he also can’t keep his stare to himself.

The truth is, the reason why I’m always disobedient with him is not really because I hate him.

Sometimes, he sneaks behind my brother’s back just to spit an insult into my ear.

Most of the time, I catch him watching me from across the room like he’s imagining how I’d taste if he stopped pretending

he was good.

And I think I took that stare as proof–proof that he hated what I am.

So I humiliate myself more just so I can tease him more.

Being hated by him is fun when I was younger.

I liked the way his jaw clenched. The way he snapped when I smiled at someone else.

The way he always said no but never walked away.

He’d corner me and growl like an animal and say the most disgusting things and I’d drip for him like I was born to be ruined by his voice.

I never admitted it.

I used to think I was taunting him.

But maybe I just wanted to be ruined.

By him.

Only him.

-And now it’s different. Now everything’s splitting apart and I don’t recognize my voice when I scream. I can’t even trust the

words in my mouth because half of them aren’t mine. They taste like rot. Like him. Like Riot.

I think something’s in me, crawling up through my blood, trying to unmake me. I think Grayson knows. I think that’s why he looks at me like I’m already gone.

when he ties me down and stares like he hates himself

if I die in his hands,

Half–feral. Hair matted. Wrists bruised from the belts he wrapped around them to stop me

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Chapter 107

every time

“Jess…”

*Jess…open your eyes!”

He looks so worried.

looks so worried right

my strength,

I used to be just to lift my lids. The light knifes into me. My breath catches. My body jerks like it doesn’t belong to me anymore. But I find him. I always do. Grayson. Hovering above me like he’s the

“Hey,” he whispers.

His voice breaks.

him to stop looking at me like that. That it’s okay and it’s going to be okay. That he better not shed tears for

I feel like it’s the last time I’ll ever see

love with Grayson before I even knew what it meant. Before I knew that love could feel like

I am anymore. He’s the reason I fight the voice in my head that says let go. Because if I let go, I let

And I’m not ready.

I’ll never be ready.

love you. I love you. I fucking love you and you don’t get to look at me like I’m slipping through

were always enough. You’re the only one who ever

voice is gone. All I can do is breathe. All I can do is bleed in his arms and pray he hears me in the way I look at him now. Please, Grayson.

“Are we far yet?!”

funny to hear fear in my brother’s

rawer now, pleading. “Jess,

For never seeing the parts of me that needed it most. For calling me selfish when

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Chapter 107

my head. Can’t blink without

to their drinking session. I hope they

Not really. It’s bigger. Wrong. Its heartbeat doesn’t sync with mine. It snarls every time Grayson touches

know it’s not mine.

1 feel invaded.

Infected.

muscle, memory by memory–until I can’t tell

flickering, like I’m seeing him through water. I think he’s speaking. I can’t make out the words. My ears are ringing again. Too much blood

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