His Trouble Maker

Chapter 107

Jessica

Grayson has always loved me.

I think he forgot to mention how he also can’t keep his stare to himself.

The truth is, the reason why I’m always disobedient with him is not really because I hate him.

Sometimes, he sneaks behind my brother’s back just to spit an insult into my ear.

Most of the time, I catch him watching me from across the room like he’s imagining how I’d taste if he stopped pretending

he was good.

And I think I took that stare as proof–proof that he hated what I am.

So I humiliate myself more just so I can tease him more.

Being hated by him is fun when I was younger.

I liked the way his jaw clenched. The way he snapped when I smiled at someone else.

The way he always said no but never walked away.

He’d corner me and growl like an animal and say the most disgusting things and I’d drip for him like I was born to be ruined by his voice.

I never admitted it.

I used to think I was taunting him.

But maybe I just wanted to be ruined.

By him.

Only him.

-And now it’s different. Now everything’s splitting apart and I don’t recognize my voice when I scream. I can’t even trust the

words in my mouth because half of them aren’t mine. They taste like rot. Like him. Like Riot.

I think something’s in me, crawling up through my blood, trying to unmake me. I think Grayson knows. I think that’s why he looks at me like I’m already gone.

says my name. And when he ties me down and stares like he hates himself

his hands, at least I’ll die

matted. Wrists bruised from the belts he wrapped around them to stop me from slashing someone open. Mouth cracked

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Chapter 107

time

“Jess…”

*Jess…open your eyes!”

He looks so worried.

looks so worried

my strength,

My body jerks like it doesn’t belong to me anymore. But I find him. I always

“Hey,” he whispers.

His voice breaks.

That it’s okay and it’s going to be okay. That he better not shed tears for me. My lips

feel like it’s the last time I’ll

before I even knew what it meant. Before I knew that love could feel like this–like a fever,

keep coming back, even when I don’t know who I am anymore. He’s the reason I fight the voice in my head that says let go. Because if I let go, I let go of

And I’m not ready.

I’ll never be ready.

it at him–I love you. I love you. I fucking love you and you don’t get to look at me like I’m slipping through your hands and you were never

You’re the only one who ever

in his arms and pray he hears me in the way I look at

“Are we far yet?!”

to hear fear in my brother’s

again, rawer now, pleading. “Jess,

it’s okay. I want to tell him I forgive him for not loving me the right way. For never seeing the parts of me that needed it most. For calling me selfish when all I wanted was to

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Chapter 107

I can’t move my mouth. Can’t even turn my head. Can’t blink without

hope when I don’t make it, he’ll accompany Grayson to their drinking

But it’s not mine. Not really. It’s bigger. Wrong. Its heartbeat doesn’t sync with mine. It snarls every time Grayson touches me and then

know it’s not mine.

1 feel invaded.

Infected.

by muscle, memory by memory–until I can’t tell which thoughts are mine and which ones are

I’m seeing him through water. I think he’s speaking. I can’t make out the words. My ears are ringing again. Too much