Chapter 42

GABRIEL

I didn’t believe in love.

I wasn’t an arrogant man who thought love didn’t exist, because had seen it firsthand, how love brings the most powerf

men to their knees.

I just

didn’t believe love was made for me.

Love was a weakness, a distraction, a responsibility, a chore.

I loved. I loved my parents and I loved my grandparents in the way every child loves their provider, because of a sense of mediocre comfort they provided. My brother, who was younger to me and didn’t provide me with anything, I loved him. too, by sense of familiarity and looked at him as someone I had to provide for.

That’s what love had always been to me- familiarity and a relationship of providing, either you’re provided for, or you provide for someone.

That’s why I never had any relationships growing up. I slept around, but neither did I make promises, nor did I believe in any girl’s false ones,

And then, Lily came. She was a girl like anyone else- pretty eyes blonde hair, and a body she worked hard to maintain. 1 didn’t intend to keep her around, she just never left. She clung around, letting me do my own thing, insisting all she wanted was friendship.

I didn’t do friendships. I had a group of boys 1 considered brothers, and once that disintegrated, my brother was really the only friend 1 had until he chose a path I couldn’t follow or stop him from. The sense of failing him led me to find comfort in Lily.

She was familiar by then.

Comfort and familiarity- the two things I associated love by.

wanted, sent her gifts I knew she’d appreciate. She never tried making more of a relationship between us, because I didn’t know how. I didn’t know there could be a relationship built by connection, because didn’t have

a lone wolf

despite what Zach and Anna, my parents and grandparents think. Yes, we didn’t have any passionate and obsessive feelings between us, because those weren’t needed- for either of us. We had

care for her. I would probably not lose sleep if she was sick, but if she was in danger somewhere or by someone, I would shield her. Like I said, I provided. Protection, safety, comfort, money, whatever

did what was expected of me. I bought a ring that I remembered she mentioned she really liked at her father’s company- not knowing Emerald was Her birthstone, really. I didn’t even know the green stone in the middle was an emerald. I was never an appreciator of art or jewellery or anything in between. I know I was supposed to be, with my mom being a painter, but I wasn’t. I pretended to like what she did and picked up the pieces I disliked the most to hang

I was calculative. Logical.

saw it a

1/3

norms of the society when

12:33 Tue, Jun 4

Chapter 42

me marry

and that I had to marry someone else

I didn’t know, I girl I had

expensive wedding gown and loads of make up and dark

she was a damsel; holding in tears under a facade of a miserable smile when I first saw her. Of course I wanted her as far away from me as possible, even at the end of

wasn’t a damsel She was determined to shine through the darkness of our marriage, standing out like the freckles on

her- business trips, late nights at

into my life so easily, it baffled me. The worst part? She didn’t look like she was trying to. It was effortless to her, forming a bond with my parents,

one had ever

mc.

thoughts of Lily, the girl I had promised to marry at the

was frustrating till I cornered her in

out of my system, but the want for more never left. So I took the coward’s way out- left for my trip: without letting her know, but when I came back and saw

I wanted to kill Arthur for every wrong thought that went through his mind about my wife. I wanted to kill James

lap and do the most unspeakable,

a revenge, to do exactly what I had

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