I Am The Luna

SEBASTIAN. The first words my son says to me are of my failure to my family, a reminder that no matter what, this is a time period they will always look back on and know I was not here.

The intense emotions I’m feeling being in the same room as them for the first time make me want to pull the three of them into my arms and never let go.

I want to hug them, kiss them, apologise to them, make them laugh, play with them, wipe away their tears and promise I’ll always take care of them. Is this the love of a father? I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.

I love them; I love them so damn much. For the first time since they were born, we’re together, but I can’t simply pull them into my arms and promise them that from this day on everything will be alright. I am going to do my best to make up for the lost time.

They may only be three years old, but they are still old enough to understand everything. Zion’s question is proof of that. Zaia instantly moves forward, kneeling beside Zion as she holds our daughter.

“Zion, that’s because-” she begins, but I cut her off, placing a hand on her arm. Her heart skips a beat as our eyes meet, a questioning one in hers.

“I’m sorry son, but I hurt your Mommy and made her sad, so she decided to go away and take care of you where she knew you would be safe and happy,” ,”I explain, that lump in my throat going.

Zaia looks at me sharply, and I know she’s about to argue with me when I give her a look and shake my head.

“Let me handle this,” I say quietly. I know it’s been on her mind, but I can’t let the kids blame her for this. I was the one who messed everything up. The way I handled things was wrong.

Zion’s looking at me as he tries to remain brave and I reach out for his hands again and as much as I want to pull them into my arms and hug them both, I need them to be the ones to take the step willingly.

I clear my throat as silently as possible as I watch my son observe my hands.

“What did you do?” He asks curiously. His blue eyes remind me of mine, and I can’t help but smile faintly.

He’s a smart little one, he gets that from his Mom.

“I hurt her feelings. I lied about things, and I broke her heart, but I promise I won’t do that anymore. Ever. I will always take care of all three of you. From here on I will never hurt your Mommy again and I will make up for the hurt I’ve caused her… Deal champ?” I say.

There are things I can never replace. The pain I dealt her will always be something I’ll regret. There is no way I can forgive myself for that, even though I hope one day she’ll be able to forgive me.

He looks at Zaia, but I refuse to, knowing it’ll only mess with my emotions even more. I want her so damn much, but I don’t understand what she truly wants.

I love her with everything I have. I want her in my arms. I want to wake up to her by my side and fall asleep with her in my arms every night of my life.

I know she’s still struggling with the past and I am willing to give her the time she needs. I just wish I understood what is going on in that mind of hers a little more.

for this long. The jarring pain up my back and

more before he turns to me

before he steps forward and flings his arms around my

holds onto me tightly, his heart beating strongly, and I close my eyes, trying to hold myself together as I catch

son. I wrap my arms around him tighter, rocking

This is my son.

of his head. I promise I will protect the three of you with all I have. This time,

his hold, the rhythm

ready to protect

tears from her cheek. My

My princess.

eyes meet Zaia’s and she nods slowly as she begins to move Sia

“Sia? I say softly.

her mouth. The sound of her thumping heart reaches my ears, but a flicker of worry rushes through

It’s irregular…

and I remember Zaia telling me about her

she kisses her cheek softly.” Sia… Baby, look, it’s Daddy,” Zaia whispers gently, placing her on the floor. Her gorgeous

reach over, brushing it back. She looks up at me, her heart skipping a

back to Sia, who has her

slightly, but he still holds onto me as he

grey eyes. She’s beautiful. The innocence on her face makes me want to

I say softly, my eyes stinging as I try to contain my own emotions. Her lips quiver

rubs her eyes. I reach for her, pulling her into my arms and hug her tightly, kissing the

Zion and between her sobs, she gasps a few

always going to be around, Princess. Always. So, no tears, alright?” I say, trying to control

but this moment has overwhelmed me far more

up at me and nods as she struggles to calm herself. I plant a soft kiss on her forehead, and she begins giggling, tears still streaming down

is tickly!” She exclaims softly, making Zion

her face lighting up my world and I realise

These two.

adjusting my position and sitting on the floor. I lean back against the

ask them, so much I want to promise them, so much I want to know, but right now I’m unable to do

appear too happy, whilst Sia is looking up at me, her eyes full of adoration. I chuckle lightly, kissing her button nose before ruffling

is sitting opposite me, looking the vision of beauty and perfection.”Do you

do.” She says

you both.” I