Nightmares & Dreams

Lita’s body tensed as she pushed up from the murky deep. Stumbling forward, she could hardly keep her head above water. Her feet found a rocky edge, and she lunged, curling her toes into the nasty slime that was once dirt. The first step was the hardest, her muscles screaming against the motion. Lita groaned, forcing herself forward. She was barefoot and wading through swampy water towards shore. Why wasn’t she on land? The trek felt endless, water impossibly thick and freezing as it soaked her legs. What was that fucking smell? Burning gasoline? She coughed, tossing an arm up as her stomach turned. Lita wretched up the swap water, foul-smelling liquid splattering down her thin shirt. She’d managed to walk until the swell of wet was only to her knees, but the vomit didn’t stop spurting from everywhere. Why was there water in her stomach? She tried to make sense of it as she fought off the feeling of vertigo.

Lita made herself crawl out of the slimy depths and onto the scruffy embankment. Everything in her body stung and ached. There was a heavy, radiating pain in her shoulder blade, two bleeding scrapes down her calves, hot smooth liquid pooling on one side of her face, and sharp, tingling cuts across her back.

She couldn’t stop to inspect her wounds. There was something she needed to do. Something… She crawled and dragged herself up the embankment toward the broken car she glimpsed over the dense brush, ignoring every sharp agony she felt cut through her. Sticks dug into her ribs, stones scraped at her knees. As she crested the edge, Lita could see what remained of the car. The windshield was shattered, front end crumpling like a piece of notebook paper around an enormous tree trunk. The once-beautiful muscle car looked unrecognizable. Blood-smeared down the passenger side of the hood towards the swamp. Hers.

Despite the shaking of her hands, Lita didn’t look closer to see the bits of skin she must have left behind. Her back would have been shredded, but there wasn’t room to think about it. She could just make out the smoke from the highway at the top of the steep hill and that the twisted metal arms that had once been the guardrail were angled out towards the trees. All she could hear was the hiss of the engine and the blood in her ears.

Lita ground herself against the stinging dirt and leaves until she reached the driver’s side. She desperately needed to find her older brother. There was an invisible tether between them and the second that car went barreling into the tree, she felt that tether snap. Her body went through the air and there was nothing to pull her back to him. What did it mean? Lita didn’t want to know. And somehow that pain was worse than all her other injuries combined.

When the oncoming car had spun out of control, crossing the divider and hitting them, she had no time to react. Unbuckled and halfway out of the jean jacket she’d been wearing when they flew through the guardrail and over the edge, Lita flew, too. She only had time to feel herself in the air and hear the glass break before she’d felt the sharp slap of swamp water pushing air out of her lungs. Then she died.

Only she didn’t.

She dragged herself around the driver’s side door, which she pulled desperately until it popped open. Lita looked and nearly passed out when the lifeless eyes of her brother stared back at her. Draped over the steering wheel at a horrific bend that seemed to snap his back in half, James’ blood trickled over the front display. His arm extended toward the passenger side. Reaching to grab her? To push her to safety?

Lita fell backwards onto the sharp twigs and rocks, scooting herself on injured hands away from the car. She couldn’t see him like that.

If he’d twisted that arm in between his chest and the steering wheel… if he hadn’t taken that full impact… maybe… She couldn’t breathe. Or think. Lita’s skin cooled, heat rushing out of her with each wild beat of her heart. That wasn’t her brother. James was indestructible. Strong. He couldn’t die. He couldn’t stare at her like that, like he was gone, taking her heart with him.

Lita snapped awake two hours before her seven o’clock alarm again, drenched in sweat and shaking. Her mind always took a moment to come back around after a nightmare. Each shaky inhale assured her she was okay. But it was a lie. Her bother was dead, nothing was okay.

The gym workouts had been helping exhaust her every day, which kept the nightmares at bay most of the time but didn’t banish them altogether. Sweat seeped through her into the bedsheets as she rolled herself out and onto the floor in the dark chill of early morning. She took a moment to gather her senses and calm her nerves before stripping the sweaty sheets and heading for a shower.

The hot water surrounded her in thick steam as she lathered the soap into the now healed scars across her back and shoulders. Thankfully, the scrapes on her calves had healed, but she was still self-conscious about her back, so she never exposed it. The memories were too painful for her.

a slightly better appetite from necessity alone because her body needed the fuel. And all the weightlifting had worked some shape back into her body, especially between her waist and hips.

the shower, her thoughts turned to mister-tall-dark-and-handsome, who she knew now was the owner of Alpha’s, the Alpha himself, though she didn’t yet know his name. She didn’t have the nerve to ask. Lita found it to be an unusual nickname, but she guessed the fight club must’ve operated much like a pack. Either that or Alpha considered himself the pinnacle of maleness, an Alpha in every sense of the word. Lita snorted even though her

couldn’t stop herself from thinking about him in her quiet moments. His eyes as they stared down into hers, his bare chest pressing her against a wall, his

kept her eyes on Alex, or the task at hand, not even bothering to interact with

of classes and that would keep her working out right until closing time. She imagined him surprising her in the locker room, pushing her backwards into the showers, the dull heat of his hardness against

she started dating Brian, but she wasn’t sure she should embrace it yet. He still lived down the hall and saw her regularly. She honestly shuddered to think of his jealousy. Those memories were so vivid for her,

settled nicely over her figure and had a slight scoop to show a hint of cleavage. She tugged at the hem a little, happy that it was still loose enough to feel comfortable. Lita threw on some light wash skinny jeans and a pair of cream-colored sneakers before standing back to take in her appearance. Cute

smile. It had been so long since she looked like anything other than skin and bones. She let her hair free and left her face bare. For once, she looked at her reflection

car keys before

She turned on a dime, nearly knocking them both over as he reached for her arm, “Wow… I… wow,” was all he could manage, and Lita cocked a brow at him. “You look…” She had always liked him like this, enamored and sweet. It reminded

she managed, taking

asked, his eyes looking her over. “The gym’s really helping, babe. I’m

their relationship. Her hair color. Her bra size. Her clothes. The type and application of her makeup. He

wait for me.” She paused, gauging his reaction. When it seemed he didn’t care, she continued. “Talk later, Bri? I have class in a few hours, and I still have to go get my books,” she flashed

on campus, but Lita still felt awkward climbing out of something that screamed privilege so loudly, especially for a freshman. But she parked, grabbed the Starbucks iced coffee she’d gotten on the way, and headed for the bookstore. It

milling about inside, and Lita read the signs, following the arrows until she found what she was looking for, textbooks. The long line stopped alongside the binders and supplies, so she picked out her necessities as she waited. Everything was so bright and new, and she couldn’t help but feel excited about her first day. This was the beginning of a fresh start for her. She was living one of James’ dreams for her. He’s always wanted her to finish school so she could take care of him in his old ageand he hadn’t cared that they were only a few years apart. She gulped away the stinging in her chest

Stace, and she looked vaguely familiar. Lita handed over the paper she’d printed from home, studying the woman’s kind face as if it would tell her where

are you? I’m in two of these classes

a special waver. Is it weird?” Lita hated being unsure of herself, but this was such a new environment for her, far from the privileged private schools she knew. This was the real world, with real people that didn’t know her parents

a genius, embrace it, I definitely would. The rest of us certainly flaunt our strengths.” She nudged up a broad, muscular shoulder blade. Stace looked at

and Lita’s face paled, “Thank

to you, but Alex is such a grump, and he monopolizes all your

couldn’t sense an undercurrent of negativity, so she exhaled and said, “Yea, I’ve been wondering when I’d get to meet any other women. I was starting to think

switching to Spanish without blinking. Lita barked out an unexpected laugh as she listened to Stace call Alex every name in the book. Stace

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