Letting My Brother's Best Friend Take My V-Card

HOPE

JESS

The bathroom floor was cold against my knees as I knelt there, clutching the toilet bowl, my whole body trembling as I emptied what little was left in my stomach. I felt hollow, both inside and out. It had been a week since Luke and Josh's flight

disappeared, and every minute since had been a cocktail of terror, helplessness, and a strange, bitter hope that gnawed at the edges of my mind.

I rinsed my mouth, feeling the sting of acid on my tongue as splashed water on my face. The mirror's glass was fogged from the humidity, obscuring my reflection-

a small blessing. I didn't want to see myself like this, barely holding it together. Laura was finally asleep in the other room, her breathing soft and shallow in the darkness, and I couldn't bear to add my own despair to hers.

Every morning since we arrived in Jakarta, we'd sat at the edge of whatever seat or bed we could find, phones in hand, waiting for a notification. We clung to each tidbit of information, no matter how small: a few planes had landed on the surrounding islands, some with pas their jet-the hope fizzled out. Nothing had come in, and the days without answers were stretching so long they felt like a cruel dream.

clear my head and rinse away the

HOPE

my head back, letting it run over my face, my neck, and down to my shoulders, each drop like

every other morning, I whispered a prayer. I didn't care if it sounded desperate or foolish. "Please let them be okay. Please." The words left me barely above a breath, but they felt like

corners of my eyes. The water mixed with them, carrying them away as fast as they fell. It was easier that way, letting the water mask what I

was it. The end. We'd go home, and our lives would change forever, carrying this hollow ache with us, a black hole where our memories

used to tease me until I cracked a smile, no matter how hard I tried not to. His smile,

much I'd depended on h Josh, too-I could see his carefree grin, that dumb sense of humor that made everything feel lighter like the world was just some game, and he'd figured out how to play it. He was my twin, my

small

by my shaky breaths. I dried off slowly, the motions mechanical and robotic, as though some part of me was already giving up, already surrendering to the worst. But I wouldn't. I couldn't. I ne Wrapping the towel around myself, I stepped out into the dim light of the hotel room. Laura was curled up on her side, her breathing even, her face so pale it was almost translucent in the early morning glow. Her eyes were

moved on with their day, with their lives. And here we we I touched the spot on my neck where Luke's

long I stood there, but eventually, the morning light grew