Letting My Brother's Best Friend Take My V-Card

SURVIVORS

JESS

The room was too warm, the air heavy despite the gentle hum of the overhead fan. I sat with my hands folded tightly in my lap, the fabric of my dress sticking to my skin as I shifted

uncomfortably in the plastic chair. Laura was beside me, her fingers drumming against the armrest of her chair-

a habit she'd picked up over the last few weeks. Across the room, scattered in a loose circle, sat a few other women, each with the same mix of anxiety and exhaustion carved into their faces. The wives. The girlfriends. The ones left behind.

No one spoke, and the tension crackled like static in the air. Even Laura, usually the first to fill silences with her sarcastic humor, remained unusually quiet.

The Indonesian police had been brutal, to say the least-disorganized, dismissive, and maddeningly slow to respond. It had taken weeks for the U.S. embassy to finally get involved, weeks of speculation, rumors, and tabloids playing guessing games with our lives. And now, after all that, here we were.

Waiting.

The representative sent by the embassy stood at the front of the room, a man in his fifties with graying hair and a suit that looked out of place against the backdrop of the humid, coastal

000

air outside. He held a folder in his hand, its edges frayed like it had been passed around too many times.

a dry,

seemed to shrink as we all leaned forward, the

5 months to get everyone their loved ones back. We all want closure. The Indonesian police have faced signif I bit down on the inside of

knee bumping against mine. I glanced at

Not yet.

mind raced. There had been leaks over the last few days-whispers of survivors, names dropped in passing, fragments of hope that felt

tried not to think about it, tried to push down the knot of dread that tightened in my chest every time the phone rang or the news played. Hope felt like a dangerous thing, too fragile to hold

the man continued, "to

the Indonesian police have agreed to release the names provided by the

Survivors.

hung in the

hand brush against mine, her fingers curling around mine in a tight grip. I didn't look at her, couldn't. My eyes stayed fixed on the man at the front of the room, his

"Before I begin," he said, looking up briefly, "I want to remind you all that this is a preliminary list. There may still be updates as we continue to receive information." Laura let out a shaky breath beside

man began

a woman's voice across the room letting out a soft

fingers dug into my hand as we waited, each name like a hammer

up right at me and in the distance, I could swear I heard him say Joshua

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