Chapter 139

Looking at my mother, there’s an ache in my chest as I look at my mother, sitting there so defeated. Her fingers wrapped around my hand are warm yet the look in her eyes is as cold as the dead.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers again, but now it feels hollow, like the part my sister took of me when she passed, that piece suddenly feels colder with the realization. Yet looking at my mother I see Brielle took every piece of her, I lost a sister, my mother lost so much more. She lost her daughter, her mother and father, but the most destructive loss was her sense of

self.

It’s with wide open eyes I truly see the damage of her loss, that my childlike mind back then couldn’t. Why and how my mother became robotic after her death. My father became sterner, colder, almost like he was too scared to love me in case he lost me also. I can’t imagine living with that kind of grief or fear but I now understand it.

None of it matters now, the only thing I guess I can be grateful for is that Brielle never met this version of my parents, this hollowed out broken version they became. She died with cherished memories, she died loved, missed. Yet at

the same time I wonder if she were still here if I would have

had the same.

have a new look on life and appreciate every moment, and then others

Chapter 139

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penetrating every aspect of your being and echoing through every fiber. But still that agony doesn’t change the fact that Brielle is gone, or that Grandpa killed her, tha grandma never mentioned this or that Mom lied about all

now than before filled with

if something essential has been ripped. away from my soul. Everything feels surreal and I wonder if I’ll ever be

and husband had done, is that why she helped me? I feel betrayed by

imagi

And now see what I did. forget, I always thought it odd about Grandpa being there so suddenly, not hearing his return, but I heard her cries, her pleas for our mother before I heard her silence and grandma’s wail of despair, before

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