Maid for the Mafia by Jaylee

Around a Dark Corner

**ROMANY**

It's strange, really. That moment when you start to realize who you *might be* as opposed to who you *thought* you were. I'll tell you one thing, anyone who says that they know *exactly* who they are is either ridiculously ignorant, or they are lying. Because in a world full of different experiences and diverse pleasures, how can you truly know what you do or don't enjoy unless you attempt to find out? *How* do you know you would jump inside of a burning building to save a dog or a small child? How do you *know* you would turn in a bag full of cash if you found it in the street? You don't know! You can't know! Unless you're given the opportunity to make such a choice, then you will *never* know.

So, it seems, who we are as a person stems from a collection of choices that we've made throughout our lives.

Take *me* for instance. I was a virgin all the way up to my first year of college. *Not* because I was saving myself for marriage, but more or less because I never got asked out once. Not ever. Girls in my high school were getting pressured into sex left and right, *everywhere* I looked, but not me, I wasn't. Ruby used to say it was because the boys were all too scared of me. She reasoned that it was due to the fact that I was too beautiful and no one was brave enough to approach me. I never believed her, but I was grateful for the lie.

Then came college and Professor Jensen and that one ill-fated encounter with him in the hall that changed everything for me. A normal girl, one who'd been on dates before, or had at least a little experience with men, probably would have seen the red flags coming from a mile away. A worldy female wouldn't have fallen so easily for his trap. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it was my relationship with Matthew that conditioned me into accepting abusive behavior as an occurance, instead of the crime that it was. It took me well over a year to figure out how to obtain *my* pleasure when Matthew was fucking me. Usually, there was a high amount of concentration involved. Matthew simply *had* to be someone else or I *could not get off.* Matthew was handsome, everyone in school knew that, but he was an extremely selfish lover/abuser/whatever he was. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll end up looking for the same thing in someone else. Because, despite that I loathe Alex, I can't deny that I still want to fuck him.

And what Alex let those men do to me that night was unacceptable.

dummy. So stop thinking

in front of me. The elegant houses we passed on our way out of the

of rich people. It must be,

or Alex is and that fact makes me a little nervous. For one thing, he's got the kind of

moment, I wanted him so badly that I could've filled a tub with molten honey, but I didn't know him that well. I didn't know if he had a girlfriend or a *boyfriend*, or even if he found me attractive. But I knew he was Mickey's guy so, like a sex deprived slut, I

Tonight

he adjusted the front of his slacks. Then he seemed to shake himself, releasing a slow breath and closing his eyes briefly, before opening them again to stare at my cleavage in the window. *Had he just been fantasizing about me? Is that why he looks

you think Bruno has a girlfriend?" Simone whispered, keeping her voice so

Does she like Pinch? Bleh, blah, ew, gross.* But... people are strange sometimes.

It is my *personal* opinion that he looks like a miniature bulldog and Simone, like a sweet Spanish beauty, but who am I to judge? Looks aren't everything. Right? Right. "For some reason I doubt it," I said with a straight face. "In fact I'd bet money that he's

*Squealed?!?!? Barf!* Okay... I mean... maybe she sees something in him that I simply do not see. Or, maybe she has x-ray vision and he's hung like

converge on the Tahoe, each of them opening one door and helping us out. "Good evening,