48. Love & Thoughts
THEON
Last night still replayed in my mind, and although another day had come and gone, I couldn’t bring myself to return to the cabin. It had felt too… intimate. Against my better instincts, I had been unable to hurt her by walking out. That in itself should be warning enough for me. She was having an effect on me, far more than she should. I should have walked out last night, but seeing the hurt in her eyes… Fuck I wish I could say it was how ravishing she looked that made me stay, but it wasn’t.
I didn’t want to see tears in her eyes, unless, of course, they were caused by when we were getting physical… Just the thought of her naked body made my dick twitch. Was I falling for her?
Was I even capable of that? I had spent years trying to squash all my feelings, so why was she able to break the impenetrable shield I had placed around myself?
“Here you go, handsome.” The blonde who had just placed a fresh tankard in front of me said in a flirty tone.
I cast her a cold glare, not bothering to even spare her a word.
That was another issue. I was someone who had no shame in admitting that I didn’t mind admiring a sexy body when I saw one, but that was until Yileyna came into the picture…
I wasn’t the only one who thought so. She was the most talked-about woman, especially among the epsilon ranked warriors. When they were drunk or unmated, I have heard enough about her. There was no such thing as getting enough when it came to Yileyna.
I closed my eyes, trying to control my anger that was beginning to rise.
I had loved once…but it had been different than what I have with Yileyna. I always put it down to simply desiring her, but last night my actions proved that wasn’t the case.
I picked up the tankard, gulping it down in one go and slamming the empty tankard onto the table.

Yileyna… What will happen when she learns the truth? Was there a part of her that would side with me? Will she forgive me for what I have done? Do I care? 2
‘I love you.
Her words rang in my mind, and I almost believed them, even if I knew she was just delusional
Love.
Iyara…
The music in the tavern faded away as my mind went back to the young girl I had once opened my heart to… (FLASHBACK- FIVE YEARS AGO) “I’ve shifted now. Are you excited for the full moon tonight? Do you think maybe we are
mates?”
“Does it matter?” I asked, looking up into her chocolate-coloured eyes as she straddled me.
The sun was shining brightly as I lay on the grass, arms behind my head. Her dark hair bounced around her in pretty curls. She was tall and slender, with a toned body and beautiful ebony skin. The daughter of one of our strongest warriors. I wasn’t sure how we ended up talking, but it became something more. We hadn’t taken the final step… but I think it was only a matter of time before she gave herself to me.
“Not really… I think it’s better… if we’re not mates?” She mused, looking up at the sky. She was gorgeous. Right now the way the sun was shining on her… Fuck, she needed to get off of me.
I sat up, pushing her off lightly.
“Yeah?” I said, not looking at her as her eyes filled with concern.
“Yes, and the only reason I’m saying that is because if something were to happen to me, I don’t want you to die.” She whispered, twisting her fingers in her lap.
I smirked, looking over at her.
“Yeah, and do you think if I took you as my mate that I’d let anything happen to you?”
The smile that lit up her face took my breath away, and I was unable to stop myself from giving her a small smile of my own…
(END OF FLASHBACK) I frowned remembering how we didn’t end up being mates, but she confessed her love once more. That night when she gave herself to me… I realised I couldn’t do it. She was far too innocent for what I was planning to do… I took her first time, but then I walked away, telling her that it had been a mistake. I broke her that night… but I had stayed away after that, cutting off all contact with her.
Why couldn’t I do it with Yileyna? Was it because she wasn’t as innocent and gentle as Iyara? Was it because no matter how rough or twisted I became, there was no fear in her sinful eyes? She craved more… She welcomed my anger and rage… almost as if she was the perfect match… 1
The door slamming open and the sound of loud talking made me glance towards it, only to see Nikolai, Kyson, and a few of their cronies enter. A blistering flare of anger rushed through me, remembering what they had done to Yileyna. I wasn’t one to forget my enemies… Nikolai and Kyson would be the first I’d kill when the time came.
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