Chapter-75. I am fine

[Ezra]

I still remember the first time Asher visited the Aile castle after his long absence. He came to us with his brand new toys.

'I didn't unbox them. I thought we could play with them together,' Asher said.

I don't remember if Asher said that with a smile or not, because I was busy observing his eyes that looked dull, tired and pained, as if he had not slept for months. Something Raven failed to notice beyond himself.

'Huh! Show off!' Raven scoffed. 'Trying to act all cool, showing off your petty toys after becoming father's favorite? But let me tell you one thing, Asher: you didn't work for any of this. You don't deserve them. You got it all for free. In fact! You stole all this from us. And we don't talk to thieves!'

Raven smacked the toys from Asher's hands, grabbed my hand, and pulled me away with him.

I had a choice back then: I could have stayed behind and collected those broken toys with Asher, or I could have ignored him.

To this day, I regret the choice I made that day. It was probably then that Asher realized he was all alone, because after that, he never came to us again.

We began ignoring Asher even when he came home for his rare visits, making him feel like something was wrong with him when everything was wrong with us.

We thought Asher was having an easy life, not even realizing that his life was the hardest.

Asher was born perfect - I still loathe myself for believing those words back then.

The pressure on Asher was far more than any of us.

I understood it when Asher visited the Aile castle again and was spending time with mother.

'No! You can't be yourself! No one will accept you as you are. You are my last hope, Asher. Don't disappoint your father. You can't be anything less than perfect. You'll have to change. Why don't you understand?'

I heard mother's trembling voice and when I peeped inside; I saw her grabbing Asher's upper arms, her claws digging into his skin. Blood stained his shirt as he stood impassively before her.

I still can't decide if what I saw that day was a horror or something insignificant because I remember Asher looking into our mother's tearful eyes with blank eyes, as if hope could never touch them again.

When mother realized she had hurt Asher, she fell to her knees and hugged him tightly. The same thing she did with me.

'You'll have to change. You'll have to keep on changing, adapting differently for different people. You'll have to understand their minds, their thoughts, their emotions. Please, son. You'll have to save us. You'll have to do better. Ok? You'll have to become perfect, just the way your father wants. Become the perfect alpha. Maybe then he'll hurt us less. Please hide our failure with your success. Please, son.'

On every visit to the castle, Asher was burdened more and more with my mother's words, our father's increasing expectations, and our insensitivity.

Ever since, he had been shouldering everything himself and every time I recall his childhood, I can't help but wonder how lonely he must have been.

he was too. But since he had to mature before his age because he had no other option, we thought he was adult enough to handle

changed a little when Raven had

too,

wanted to have everything back and prove to father that he was

to cover the gap between them, but Asher was far ahead of him. There was no catching up with him. Raven kept trying, regardless. He couldn't beat Asher at the big tasks and trainings father planned for them, so he began taking small things from Asher. Things that

gave up. He understood he could no longer please our father by reaching the standards Asher had already crossed, so he rebelled

for Asher remained. Although I don't think Asher ever considered Raven as

went by and our father succumbed to a mysterious curse of unknown

finally took over as the

home. He took care of our family from afar, yet whenever we needed him, he stood by

always his priority, even when he was dealing

always treated me with kindness, even when I

late and Asher was far out of my reach.

wasn't enough to redeem myself, but something was better than nothing. Even if I could share a

never do that for himself. I did it out of respect for him and perhaps out of guilt. Also, because

the curse remained dormant for a while and then we began showing symptoms. It was then

don't fear enduring what my

I saw him suffer

into pieces, I would keep the suffering part all for myself. I don't

but dealing with a malignant wordless curse was difficult even for

horrifying form was getting closer. And when that happens, there might not be an escape for the three of

what scared me the most was that one day, when Asher would be hurting deeply, he would come to us with ways to soothe our pain and tell us that everything was fine. He would say he was fine. And I was terrified that I would

***

Just like right now.

I not learnt to read his silence, I would have almost believed

"I am fine, Ezra."

say?" I smiled and

word with a meaning more complex to decipher than the most sophisticated poetry ever written. It could mean so much and nothing at the same time. It could hold and hide traumas while also reflecting a terrifying

often told themselves before anyone else when they ran

I said, got up from the chair and placed my hand on his shoulder. "If you are fine, then I don't think you should have a problem going back to Xanthea because she

eyes, taking a deep

and go to her. Talk to her and

Asher raised his voice and then turned

in front of him and looked

all your flaws and imperfections." I said. He looked at me, his brows drawing together slightly. "With those people, you can be your worst

I had said something I

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