Chapter-75. I am fine

[Ezra]

I still remember the first time Asher visited the Aile castle after his long absence. He came to us with his brand new toys.

'I didn't unbox them. I thought we could play with them together,' Asher said.

I don't remember if Asher said that with a smile or not, because I was busy observing his eyes that looked dull, tired and pained, as if he had not slept for months. Something Raven failed to notice beyond himself.

'Huh! Show off!' Raven scoffed. 'Trying to act all cool, showing off your petty toys after becoming father's favorite? But let me tell you one thing, Asher: you didn't work for any of this. You don't deserve them. You got it all for free. In fact! You stole all this from us. And we don't talk to thieves!'

Raven smacked the toys from Asher's hands, grabbed my hand, and pulled me away with him.

I had a choice back then: I could have stayed behind and collected those broken toys with Asher, or I could have ignored him.

To this day, I regret the choice I made that day. It was probably then that Asher realized he was all alone, because after that, he never came to us again.

We began ignoring Asher even when he came home for his rare visits, making him feel like something was wrong with him when everything was wrong with us.

We thought Asher was having an easy life, not even realizing that his life was the hardest.

Asher was born perfect - I still loathe myself for believing those words back then.

The pressure on Asher was far more than any of us.

I understood it when Asher visited the Aile castle again and was spending time with mother.

'No! You can't be yourself! No one will accept you as you are. You are my last hope, Asher. Don't disappoint your father. You can't be anything less than perfect. You'll have to change. Why don't you understand?'

I heard mother's trembling voice and when I peeped inside; I saw her grabbing Asher's upper arms, her claws digging into his skin. Blood stained his shirt as he stood impassively before her.

I still can't decide if what I saw that day was a horror or something insignificant because I remember Asher looking into our mother's tearful eyes with blank eyes, as if hope could never touch them again.

When mother realized she had hurt Asher, she fell to her knees and hugged him tightly. The same thing she did with me.

'You'll have to change. You'll have to keep on changing, adapting differently for different people. You'll have to understand their minds, their thoughts, their emotions. Please, son. You'll have to save us. You'll have to do better. Ok? You'll have to become perfect, just the way your father wants. Become the perfect alpha. Maybe then he'll hurt us less. Please hide our failure with your success. Please, son.'

On every visit to the castle, Asher was burdened more and more with my mother's words, our father's increasing expectations, and our insensitivity.

Ever since, he had been shouldering everything himself and every time I recall his childhood, I can't help but wonder how lonely he must have been.

because he had no other option, we thought

when Raven had

for Raven too, but it was an

and prove to father that he was much

Raven kept trying, regardless. He couldn't beat Asher at the big tasks and trainings father planned for them, so he began taking small things from Asher. Things that might have meant something to

Asher, but he kept getting hurt and eventually he gave up. He understood he could no longer please our father by reaching the standards Asher had already crossed, so he rebelled and chose a completely

for Asher remained. Although I don't

a mysterious curse of unknown origin. His

the Alpha of our Prime Infernal

was often unavailable. Eventually, he stopped coming home. He took care of our family from afar, yet whenever we needed him, he stood by us like

family were always his priority, even when he

even when I had failed

already too late and Asher was far out of my reach. Only when the things got a bit more stable did I have the

redeem myself, but something was better than nothing. Even if I could share a fraction of

out of respect for him and perhaps out of guilt. Also, because we had always taken

began showing symptoms. It was then we found out that the

fear enduring what my father

I felt nothing for my father when I saw him suffer day and night in agonizing

I would keep the suffering part all for myself. I don't want to see Asher

this curse, but dealing with a malignant

getting closer. And when that happens, there might not be an escape for

to soothe our pain and tell us that everything was fine. He would say he

***

Just like right now.

read his silence, I would have almost believed

"I am fine, Ezra."

and nodded

small, four-letter word with a meaning more complex to decipher than the most sophisticated poetry ever written. It could mean so much and nothing at the same time. It could hold and hide traumas

often told themselves before anyone else when they

have a problem going back to Xanthea because she

eyes, taking a

fine, so get the hell up and go to her. Talk to her and hear what she has

Asher raised his voice and then turned

front of him and looked him in

looked at me, his brows drawing together slightly. "With those people,

I had said something I wasn't supposed

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