#Chapter 31 – Forgiveness

“Hello?” Victor’s mechanized voice scratches through the phone.

“Hey,” I say. “It’s nice to hear from you.”

Victor hesitates on the other side of the line and I realize, feeling stupid, that I’m talking to him like a friend. I clear my throat and sit up straight in my closet.

“So, why don’t you tell me about your week? Did you have any productive conversations with your partner?”

“Well, no,” he admits. “It’s been a busy week, I’ve been…occupied.”

So occupied you had time to take your sons to the theme park for a whole day, I think. “It’s important to take time to work on your issues,” I say, stern. “Talk therapy is only ten percent. You’ve got to take the things we learn about here and put them into action in your life.”

I hear him sigh. “Yes, I agree. It can be difficult to find a balance.”

“Yes, I understand. So, what’s been on your mind, recently?”

“My mate has been…well, I think she is reticent. To embrace our new life since my sons appeared on the scene. I appreciate that this is something that was shoved on her without her consent – I really do. But I wish I saw more…effort?”

“Tell me more about that,” I say, a little selfishly. “Has she been…cruel, to the children?”

“No,” Victor says, and I can imagine him shaking his head. “No, I truly believe that she is…innocent, of the incident before. She just isn’t interested in them. She doesn’t want to spend time with the boys or get involved in political projects that focus on children. She was excited to design the boys’ new bedroom in my house but…honestly, I’m wondering if she enjoyed the project more for the design challenge, rather than wanting to make the boys happy.”

I nod and hum in the back of my throat, letting him know I’m listening. “I worry,” he continues, “that she’s just not interested in this family life. I thought that with more time she would mature and grow into some kind of maternal instinct. But she doesn’t show many signs of that.”

“And how long have you been together?”

“Five years.”

“That’s not a very long time,” I say. “Depending on her age, she could still be growing into that kind of maternity. Some women don’t truly feel maternal until they get pregnant or have a child – it can be a very bodily urge.”

I hear him sigh on the other end of the line, doubting me. “What?” I ask, pushing him.

that…I don’t think she’s one of those, because she’s been pregnant

a perfect circle.

himself, “she discovered that she was pregnant. I was thrilled, of course, but

“What happened?” I ask.

miscarriage, very early

letting him process. “Well,” he continues, “she told me it was a miscarriage. But by accident, some months later, I found a prescription in her nightstand for –I don’t know the medical term for them, but – for abortion pills. To end a pregnancy in the early stages. I

hard blow,” I say. “I’m sorry to hear that.

to have children. It never occurred to me that my mate would…would

in those terms,” I say gently. “Perhaps she didn’t see it as such a grievous

growls. “Look, I’m not one of those people – I understand that abortion is a choice women make sometimes, out of personal or medical necessity, but in this case, with my family, with my child…to

nod slowly. “I understand. This must be very difficult for you. Have you spoken to her about

he says, after a moment. “I tried to bring it up – actually, I tried the day I met my sons, ironically. But

a conversation that you need to have when you are feeling calm and ready to

he sighs.

perhaps you should forgive her – maybe make peace with the fact that you’ll never know whether she took those pills. If you’re ready to move forward with her, then it doesn’t really matter what happened in the past. What

not sure I can forgive so

are. You need new skills, new methods, for dealing with the

mutual timeline is for kids – make a plan. Then, if she doesn’t come through on the plan to which you both agree, then you can have a conversation

see,” Victor says. “This

to view it as a negotiation. Tell her what you want, and listen when she tells you what she wants. Try to keep it

I can see that’s true. But you

advice that I’ve given him and consider that, with Amelia…perhaps I have sent him

and swooping down to give Victor a kiss on the cheek as he reads through some paperwork at the kitchen

close. Amelia giggles and runs her hands through his

friendly today,” she

every day,” Victor

face up to her. “Baby, I don’t think anyone on earth would choose to describe you as friendly.” They both laugh

Victor says, patting the stool next to him. “Did you

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