#Chapter 31 – Forgiveness

“Hello?” Victor’s mechanized voice scratches through the phone.

“Hey,” I say. “It’s nice to hear from you.”

Victor hesitates on the other side of the line and I realize, feeling stupid, that I’m talking to him like a friend. I clear my throat and sit up straight in my closet.

“So, why don’t you tell me about your week? Did you have any productive conversations with your partner?”

“Well, no,” he admits. “It’s been a busy week, I’ve been…occupied.”

So occupied you had time to take your sons to the theme park for a whole day, I think. “It’s important to take time to work on your issues,” I say, stern. “Talk therapy is only ten percent. You’ve got to take the things we learn about here and put them into action in your life.”

I hear him sigh. “Yes, I agree. It can be difficult to find a balance.”

“Yes, I understand. So, what’s been on your mind, recently?”

“My mate has been…well, I think she is reticent. To embrace our new life since my sons appeared on the scene. I appreciate that this is something that was shoved on her without her consent – I really do. But I wish I saw more…effort?”

“Tell me more about that,” I say, a little selfishly. “Has she been…cruel, to the children?”

“No,” Victor says, and I can imagine him shaking his head. “No, I truly believe that she is…innocent, of the incident before. She just isn’t interested in them. She doesn’t want to spend time with the boys or get involved in political projects that focus on children. She was excited to design the boys’ new bedroom in my house but…honestly, I’m wondering if she enjoyed the project more for the design challenge, rather than wanting to make the boys happy.”

I nod and hum in the back of my throat, letting him know I’m listening. “I worry,” he continues, “that she’s just not interested in this family life. I thought that with more time she would mature and grow into some kind of maternal instinct. But she doesn’t show many signs of that.”

“And how long have you been together?”

“Five years.”

“That’s not a very long time,” I say. “Depending on her age, she could still be growing into that kind of maternity. Some women don’t truly feel maternal until they get pregnant or have a child – it can be a very bodily urge.”

I hear him sigh on the other end of the line, doubting me. “What?” I ask, pushing him.

don’t think she’s one of those,

I say, my mouth making a perfect circle. Wow. That certainly is

that she was pregnant. I was thrilled, of course,

“What happened?” I ask.

miscarriage, very early on. At

a prescription in her nightstand for –I don’t know the medical term for them, but – for abortion pills. To end a pregnancy in the early stages. I don’t know if she ever filled the prescription, or used

hard blow,” I say. “I’m sorry to hear

“We always planned to have children. It never occurred to

in those terms,” I say gently. “Perhaps she didn’t see it as such a grievous offense, like

understand that abortion is a choice women make sometimes, out of personal or medical necessity, but in this case, with my family, with my child…to end the possibility, the

difficult for

it up – actually, I tried the day I met my

of the problem,” I say. “This is a conversation that you need to have when you are feeling calm and ready to hear

sighs.

about what you imagine your future to look like. Honestly, if you’re ready to move forward, perhaps you should forgive her – maybe make peace with the fact that you’ll never know whether she took those

not sure I can forgive so

are in the place that you are. You need new skills, new methods, for dealing with the people in your life.” Victor is silent on his side

make a plan. Then, if she doesn’t come through on the plan to which

see,” Victor says. “This does

and listen when she tells you what she wants. Try

a laugh. “Yes, in theory, I can see that’s true. But you

advice that I’ve given him and consider that, with Amelia…perhaps I have sent him

down to give Victor a kiss on the cheek as he reads

catching her hand and pulling her close. Amelia giggles and runs her hands

today,” she

every day,”

“Baby, I don’t think anyone on earth would choose to describe you as friendly.”

stool next to him.

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