Pregnant With Alpha’s Genius Twins

#Chapter 157 – To Stay or to Go

“Mama?” The boys come tottering down the stairs.

Too soon, just…too soon.

Still kneeling on the floor, I raise my shaking hands to my eyes, working to wipe away the tears, but they’re still coming.

s**t, s**t – no part of me wants my boys to see me cry, but I just can’t stop –

Two little arms wrap around my shoulders from the left side, resting a little brown head against my shoulder. Sniffing, I reach a hand up to wrap around a little forearm as the other twin comes to hug me on my other side.

I’m a little twin sandwich, squeezed between their sweet, empathetic little hearts. God, what did I ever do to deserve them?

“Are you okay, mama?” Ian whispers, true concern in his voice.

I clear my throat, doing my best to sound steady, but my voice trembles when I answer.

“I’m going to be okay, babies. Go ahead now, let me go.”

They unwrap themselves and come to stand in front of me. I look up at them and then pat the floor in front of me, where they sit down, their faces worried.

“Papa was…” Alvin says, his lip trembling. “He was so mad…”

Ian nods in agreement, his face a pair to his brother’s.

“He was…” I say, hesitating, trying to be careful. The boys don’t need to know everything. “He was very angry with me, because I did something very bad. I stopped doing it, a few weeks ago, and I’m sorry for it, but…he’s right. I was not good to him.”

The boys look at me with shock. Their whole lives, I don’t think that they’ve really ever considered that I could do anything wrong. They have trouble comprehending this truth.

make a decision. “We’re going to go on a little trip! Give daddy some space until he cools off.” I gives them a big, wavering

at me suspiciously. “Where are we

brightly. I’m making this up as I go anyway – why

boys don’t fall for it. “We

Go upstairs, boys, pack a little

at me suspiciously. But I nod to them and they can tell that behind my fake smile, my will is steely. So they head up

call over her shoulder, my mom instinct kicking in despite my

respond, continuing

hall, I get to my feet, my mind and my body both moving fast.

have to feed them before

of the cabinet and pour it into two bowls, sliding a carton of milk next to them. Then, I fill a tote bag with everything nonperishable that I can find in the cabinets – granola

as quietly and swiftly as I

my life as I grab a few sets of clothes and shove them into a duffel. I then grab my cell phone

find the boys already in the kitchen, their backpacks ready, eating their cereal, watching me

a big smile. “Have you guys decided? Where are we

my cheeks hurt so hard with my forced smile that I feel almost as if they will

that this is not a trip.” Alvin

minute can my kids

go,” Alvin says plaintively. Not whining, but truly pleading for me to see, to understand. “We want

in a flood. The boys don’t come to me this time, instead letting me have

do it. I can’t…I can’t stay here. I can’t live here, in this house, on his land, knowing what we had, what my stupid choices just ruined. I can’t see him every day – can’t look into his face, can’t co-parent with him, can’t watch him

fingers and onto the floor.

go back to where I started – I’ll change my name again, change theirs. Start somewhere new –

stupid day at the quiz show, when Victor walked into my life and ruined