Pregnant With Alpha’s Genius Twins

#Chapter 157 – To Stay or to Go

“Mama?” The boys come tottering down the stairs.

Too soon, just…too soon.

Still kneeling on the floor, I raise my shaking hands to my eyes, working to wipe away the tears, but they’re still coming.

s**t, s**t – no part of me wants my boys to see me cry, but I just can’t stop –

Two little arms wrap around my shoulders from the left side, resting a little brown head against my shoulder. Sniffing, I reach a hand up to wrap around a little forearm as the other twin comes to hug me on my other side.

I’m a little twin sandwich, squeezed between their sweet, empathetic little hearts. God, what did I ever do to deserve them?

“Are you okay, mama?” Ian whispers, true concern in his voice.

I clear my throat, doing my best to sound steady, but my voice trembles when I answer.

“I’m going to be okay, babies. Go ahead now, let me go.”

They unwrap themselves and come to stand in front of me. I look up at them and then pat the floor in front of me, where they sit down, their faces worried.

“Papa was…” Alvin says, his lip trembling. “He was so mad…”

Ian nods in agreement, his face a pair to his brother’s.

“He was…” I say, hesitating, trying to be careful. The boys don’t need to know everything. “He was very angry with me, because I did something very bad. I stopped doing it, a few weeks ago, and I’m sorry for it, but…he’s right. I was not good to him.”

The boys look at me with shock. Their whole lives, I don’t think that they’ve really ever considered that I could do anything wrong. They have trouble comprehending this truth.

and taking each of their hands. Impulsively, I make a decision. “We’re going to go on a little trip! Give daddy some space

suspiciously.

you want!” I say brightly. I’m making this up

boys don’t fall for it. “We want to stay here,” Alvin

pack a little bag. Some clothes, whatever books and toys you want – anything

their feet, still looking at me suspiciously. But I nod to them and they can tell that behind my fake smile, my will is steely. So they head up the

add a few pairs of underwear,” I call over her shoulder, my mom instinct kicking in despite my despair. “Sacrifice some toys if you have

respond, continuing up

moving fast. I don’t need much – I can grab a few sets of clothes upstairs while the boys have breakfast

feed

it into two bowls, sliding a carton of milk next to them. Then, I fill a tote bag with everything nonperishable that I can find in the cabinets – granola bars, gummy snacks, crackers –

that’s done, I head up the stairs as quietly and swiftly as I can, hurrying

ruined my life as I grab a few sets of clothes and shove them into a duffel. I then grab my cell phone charger and the phone

the boys already in the kitchen, their

say, giving them a big smile. “Have you guys decided? Where are we

look at each other. Silence fills the room and my cheeks hurt so hard with my

know that this is not a trip.” Alvin nods next

love them, but god damnit, for one minute can my kids not be genius twins who see through my every lie?

Not whining, but truly pleading for me to see, to understand. “We want to stay

head in my hands, the tears coming back in a flood. The boys don’t come to me this time, instead letting me have my space, letting me

can’t do it. I can’t…I can’t stay here. I can’t live here, in this house, on his land, knowing what we had, what my stupid choices just ruined. I can’t see him every day – can’t look into his face,

I whisper, my tears falling through my fingers and onto the floor. “I have to go.

again, change theirs. Start somewhere new – somewhere warm – somewhere he can’t find me. Europe, maybe? He has less sway in

my life and ruined all of my carefully-laid plans. I’ll find new work as