Pregnant With Alpha’s Genius Twins

#Chapter 157 – To Stay or to Go

“Mama?” The boys come tottering down the stairs.

Too soon, just…too soon.

Still kneeling on the floor, I raise my shaking hands to my eyes, working to wipe away the tears, but they’re still coming.

s**t, s**t – no part of me wants my boys to see me cry, but I just can’t stop –

Two little arms wrap around my shoulders from the left side, resting a little brown head against my shoulder. Sniffing, I reach a hand up to wrap around a little forearm as the other twin comes to hug me on my other side.

I’m a little twin sandwich, squeezed between their sweet, empathetic little hearts. God, what did I ever do to deserve them?

“Are you okay, mama?” Ian whispers, true concern in his voice.

I clear my throat, doing my best to sound steady, but my voice trembles when I answer.

“I’m going to be okay, babies. Go ahead now, let me go.”

They unwrap themselves and come to stand in front of me. I look up at them and then pat the floor in front of me, where they sit down, their faces worried.

“Papa was…” Alvin says, his lip trembling. “He was so mad…”

Ian nods in agreement, his face a pair to his brother’s.

“He was…” I say, hesitating, trying to be careful. The boys don’t need to know everything. “He was very angry with me, because I did something very bad. I stopped doing it, a few weeks ago, and I’m sorry for it, but…he’s right. I was not good to him.”

The boys look at me with shock. Their whole lives, I don’t think that they’ve really ever considered that I could do anything wrong. They have trouble comprehending this truth.

their hands. Impulsively, I make a decision. “We’re going to go on a little trip! Give daddy some space until

me suspiciously. “Where are

want!” I say brightly. I’m making this up as

don’t fall for it. “We want to

little bag. Some clothes, whatever books

to their feet, still looking at me suspiciously. But I nod to them and they can tell that behind my fake smile,

call over her shoulder, my mom instinct kicking in despite

don’t respond, continuing up the

my feet, my mind and my body both moving fast. I don’t need much – I can grab a few sets of clothes upstairs while the boys have breakfast

I have to feed them before

next to them. Then, I fill a tote bag with everything nonperishable that I can find in the cabinets – granola bars, gummy snacks, crackers – until the bag

up the stairs as quietly and swiftly as I can, hurrying

the stupid phone that ruined my life as I grab a few sets of clothes and shove them into a duffel. I then grab my cell phone charger and the phone

already in the kitchen, their backpacks

say, giving them a big smile.

room and my cheeks hurt so hard with my forced smile that

carefully. “We know that this is not a trip.” Alvin nods next

fall and stare down at the floor. I love them, but god damnit, for one minute can my

want to go,” Alvin says plaintively. Not whining, but truly pleading for me to see, to understand. “We want to stay here. In

to the floor again, putting my head in my hands, the tears coming back in a flood. The boys

here, in this house, on his land, knowing what we had, what my stupid choices just ruined. I can’t see him

whisper, my tears falling through my fingers and onto the floor. “I have to go. We have to

I’ll change my name again, change theirs. Start somewhere new – somewhere warm – somewhere he can’t find me. Europe, maybe? He

day at the quiz show, when Victor walked into my life and ruined all of my