Pregnant With Alpha’s Genius Twins

#Chapter 157 – To Stay or to Go

“Mama?” The boys come tottering down the stairs.

Too soon, just…too soon.

Still kneeling on the floor, I raise my shaking hands to my eyes, working to wipe away the tears, but they’re still coming.

s**t, s**t – no part of me wants my boys to see me cry, but I just can’t stop –

Two little arms wrap around my shoulders from the left side, resting a little brown head against my shoulder. Sniffing, I reach a hand up to wrap around a little forearm as the other twin comes to hug me on my other side.

I’m a little twin sandwich, squeezed between their sweet, empathetic little hearts. God, what did I ever do to deserve them?

“Are you okay, mama?” Ian whispers, true concern in his voice.

I clear my throat, doing my best to sound steady, but my voice trembles when I answer.

“I’m going to be okay, babies. Go ahead now, let me go.”

They unwrap themselves and come to stand in front of me. I look up at them and then pat the floor in front of me, where they sit down, their faces worried.

“Papa was…” Alvin says, his lip trembling. “He was so mad…”

Ian nods in agreement, his face a pair to his brother’s.

“He was…” I say, hesitating, trying to be careful. The boys don’t need to know everything. “He was very angry with me, because I did something very bad. I stopped doing it, a few weeks ago, and I’m sorry for it, but…he’s right. I was not good to him.”

The boys look at me with shock. Their whole lives, I don’t think that they’ve really ever considered that I could do anything wrong. They have trouble comprehending this truth.

“We’re going to go on a little trip! Give daddy some space until he

suspiciously. “Where

making this up as I

it. “We want

head. “No questions asked. Up! Go upstairs, boys, pack a little bag. Some clothes, whatever books and toys you want – anything that fits in

I nod to them and they can tell that behind my fake smile, my will

underwear,” I call over her shoulder, my mom instinct kicking in despite my despair. “Sacrifice some toys

boys don’t respond, continuing

I get to my feet, my mind and my body both moving fast. I don’t need much –

I have to feed them before

milk next to them. Then, I fill a tote bag with everything nonperishable

done, I head up the stairs as quietly and swiftly as I can, hurrying

glare at the stupid phone that ruined my life as I grab a few sets of clothes and shove them into a duffel. I then grab my cell phone charger and the phone still on my bedside table, hurrying down the

their backpacks

them a big smile. “Have

me. Then, they look at each other. Silence fills the room and my cheeks hurt so hard with

is not a trip.” Alvin nods

floor. I love them, but god damnit, for one minute can my kids not be genius twins who see through my every lie? Can’t they just fall for

but truly pleading for me to see, to understand. “We want

anymore. I sink to the floor again, putting my head in my hands, the tears coming back in a flood. The boys don’t come to me this time, instead letting me have my space, letting

what my stupid choices just ruined. I can’t see him every day – can’t look into his face, can’t co-parent with him, can’t watch him – oh my god, watch him fall in love with someone else

fingers and

my name again, change theirs. Start somewhere new – somewhere warm

into my life and ruined all of my carefully-laid plans. I’ll find new work as a therapist, build