Chapter 111

Being home had been the best thing for me. Back in LA, I felt so suffocated and restricted.

We had been home all of two weeks and I could sort of feel myself coming back to normal. My body was still healing from the miscarriage and I was in no hurry to speed up the process.

My therapist told me that I just needed to move with the motions of it all. There was no race for me to get better and I just needed to be gentle. And so I decided to be kinder to myself.

I sat by the pool with my feet dipped in the water The warm sun beamed down on my face, warming my skin. I tilted my head upward to feel more of its warmth when a shadow was cast over my face.

1 peered through my glasses and saw my husband with my daily green juice that he had been making for me. He had become obsessed with finding natural remedies to help my body through the process. I hated the taste but he drank it with me so I was not too opposed to it.

He leaned down and kissed my lips softly before coming to sit next to me, handing me the cup, and clinking the glasses,

I made a face when I saw the little concoction with the froth at the top. “How many more days are we going to be drinking this gunk?”

“It’s not gunk, it’s health juice. I need to make sure that you’re getting all your nutrients in, baby. So drink up.”

I pinched my nose and downed the thing. He followed suit, finishing his in less than ten seconds. When I was done I went to get up and get something to wash out the taste but he was already holding a piece of gum out to me.

“Always prepared,” I popped into my mouth with a smile. “Thank you.”

I leaned my head on his shoulder and allowed the calm of the surroundings to wash over me. There was not a moment I had been here had I ever felt the roar of the storm I had left behind.

I remember my grandmother once said that if you change the environment the flower is in you may see it blossom. And I think the same could be said for humans. You cannot heal from the same place that poisoned you. You need to get into cleaner air so you breathe better. And I was.

I could finally breathe and the hurt didn’t feel so compounded anymore.

thoughts?” his gentle

up at him. “I just feel so at

mine. “That’s all I ever wanted

between us and I knew what it was and we needed to address it. We needed to clear every last thing between

sorry,” this was a

“For what?”

to move halfway across the country and to drop everything and follow

“I wanted to.”

he would

him, to finally see what we could be. You have always been patient with me. You always placed my needs above

more I spoke the more my heart drummed harder in

give up so much

spoke. I owed him this and so much more. He never deserved the way that I treated him. He never deserved to be uprooted the way he had. And all the other little things that followed. Us moving to LA had almost been our ruin and I had risked losing the most precious

things and if I could go back in time I would do it all over again for you because that is how much you mean

yet another flurry of butterflies filled my

over

work.”

Chapter !!!

“But as “”

arched an eyebrow in

this thinking “I don’t know if LA is what I want anymore I don’t know if it’s something that will be good for me I know I have the

want to do the

“I don’t know”

into a frenzy. The claustrophobia and the constant cameras. And now with us louing the baby just as we

holding me to say something or at the very least post something but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted to stay in this little safe

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