Chapter 18

We gradually stopped contacting each other after that. Sometimes, we’d go up to half a month without saying anything to each other.

He had a girl he liked by his side, after all. I didn’t want to cause any misunderstandings between them. I also didn’t want to distract their lives just because I couldn’t control my emotions. That was why I never made the first move to contact him, no matter how much I missed him.

It was hard to cut back on contacting him, but I needed to move on.

I swore I had to get over him by hook or by crook.

When it was almost time for winter break, he texted me once, asking me when I’d be going home.

I stared at the single line of text on my phone for the longest time ever. My mind was conflicted. I didn’t know if I should feel sad or happy.

I thought I’d forget him as long as I didn’t see him or think about him.

However, when his familiar profile photo popped up again on my messaging app, telling me I had unread messages from him, my mind started wandering once more. And there was no stopping it once it started.

I gripped my phone tightly and stared at our chat window for a long time. Then, I broke down in tears and sobbed like a madwoman.

was still very much in love with him. I still never

made sense, somehow. I’d been in love with him for 18 years. It wouldn’t be that easy to

belong together. I had my life to live, and he had

message with a long line of text. I said, “I don’t know when I’m going back yet. But I’m thousands of miles away

me.”

The first post was a photo of two

post was a photo of two intertwined

that said, “We’re home.”

My heart broke.

suitcase behind me as I made my way

in the north was slightly longer than the other colleges. It was perfect because it meant I could stay at home for a longer time and eat as much of my mother’s cooking as I wanted every day. This was

also

face. I didn’t know if he was doing this because he felt sorry for me or if he was just trying to reconcile with me. Or, maybe it was just regular

in the past should stay in the past. There wasn’t anything we

do about it anyway.

he’d heard about his college, how close his dorm was to Lilac’s, where they’d been on dates,

off the edges of the roof, the crazy locals who opened up holes in the ice to bathe in, and how delicious the pork ribs there were–better than

smile faintly. At times, he would teasingly call me a pig for eating that much. Other times, he would tell me that I should take

alone.

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