Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

293. Tyson - War of hearts

*If you had truly loved me, Spencer would still be here.*

My revolver sits on my desk in front of me. There's one bullet in the cylinder. My death will allow Olivia to heal and move on. I want that for her.

I take another swig from the whiskey bottle. It was full when I grabbed it from behind the books. I drank almost half of it the moment I put the bottle against my lips, hoping the alcohol would numb the fucking pain I'm in. The alcohol only made it worse.

*You are the reason why I don't want to have more children.*

Once I've dealt with Jason and Senator Deymar, there won't be anything stopping me from ending myself. I won't tell anyone about my plans because word might get back to Olivia, and she will either hate me more or try to stop me. She needs to focus on herself and not be worried about me.

In time, Ansel, Jasper, and Mose will make her feel safe enough to try for another baby.

*I loved you until I didn't.*

I'll never get over the fact that I lost her.

How do I learn to live without the other half of my soul? Before, it was easy because I was fueled by the deep anger and hatred I had for her.

I should try to win her back. Why would she take me back? She hates me now. Spencer is dead because of me. Each time she sees me, she'll only think of that. Even if I somehow convince her, her resentment will only grow over time. "Stupid," I mutter to myself.

I lean my head on my chair and close my eyes. My head is spinning. What the fuck do I do? Put the barrel in my mouth and pull the trigger, or try to win her back?

*I loved you until I didn't.*

She doesn't love me anymore.

My eyes feel like they are burning; tears fall down my face. I hope I become blind so I don't have to see the hate in Olivia's gaze each time she looks at me. Fuck.

Get your shit together, Tyson.

Lords don't cry. They hide their pain behind masks, drugs, and alcohol. Only I can't bring drugs into the house since Olivia will get hooked on them immediately. Alcohol could work. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. I take another swig from the bottle.

Rueben barges into the office without bothering to knock. I don't think he even knows what it is.

"Have you

been crying?" he asks as he sits across from me.

because of you." Not entirely a

smashed Jasper's knee, but I don't see him complaining.

whine like a little bitch? Since when does Rueben talk to me like that? Annoyed, I snap at him, "What

is everyone

wouldn't be cranky if you hadn't called me 'whining little

Miss Teapot returned." I narrow

thinking. That's news to me.

make Olivia

Rueben, but I'm so desperate to

never told Rueben that Olivia is

relative," my mother doesn't count, "and I love you more than I should, but if I hear you mentioning getting Olivia pregnant one more time, I'm going to

my reaction. That's my fault because I always sided with him. But not this time. From now on, Olivia is my main focus. On top of that, I

need to fuck her until she understands that she belongs to

into fists. "Even if she is our hellstar, it doesn't mean we

his blood-brothers did that to their wife. You saw how happy

shit out of their wife and traumatize her," I point out. Or be the

doing that to her. I'm not saying it as an excuse. Also, you got her pregnant. How did that

Olivia and me. He hinted about it yesterday when we were on

product of rape," I make it clear once and for all. "He is the result of the love between

"Sure. Whatever you say."

miss Rueben if I shoot him right now. Not even Diva. "I don't care what you think, but if

around the cold

start to count.

need to get laid and get rid of some

a perfectly good bullet, but that's the only

point at

crazy one. Some days I wonder who is

sociopath. We would make a

pull the trigger. The bullet grazes his cheek.

hell?" he

fuck alone, but you never listen to a word I say." I keep pointing at him. "The

her face. I quickly put the revolver

on Rueben's cheek. A thin line of blood slides down his skin. She frowns but doesn't say anything about it. "I was in the kitchen when I heard the shot." She shifts her weight from one leg to the other. "Since my brother and father are still a threat, I was afraid that....

she scared that something might

it will devastate her, not help

can feel it in the deepest of my soul. She