Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

293. Tyson - War of hearts

*If you had truly loved me, Spencer would still be here.*

My revolver sits on my desk in front of me. There's one bullet in the cylinder. My death will allow Olivia to heal and move on. I want that for her.

I take another swig from the whiskey bottle. It was full when I grabbed it from behind the books. I drank almost half of it the moment I put the bottle against my lips, hoping the alcohol would numb the fucking pain I'm in. The alcohol only made it worse.

*You are the reason why I don't want to have more children.*

Once I've dealt with Jason and Senator Deymar, there won't be anything stopping me from ending myself. I won't tell anyone about my plans because word might get back to Olivia, and she will either hate me more or try to stop me. She needs to focus on herself and not be worried about me.

In time, Ansel, Jasper, and Mose will make her feel safe enough to try for another baby.

*I loved you until I didn't.*

I'll never get over the fact that I lost her.

How do I learn to live without the other half of my soul? Before, it was easy because I was fueled by the deep anger and hatred I had for her.

I should try to win her back. Why would she take me back? She hates me now. Spencer is dead because of me. Each time she sees me, she'll only think of that. Even if I somehow convince her, her resentment will only grow over time. "Stupid," I mutter to myself.

I lean my head on my chair and close my eyes. My head is spinning. What the fuck do I do? Put the barrel in my mouth and pull the trigger, or try to win her back?

*I loved you until I didn't.*

She doesn't love me anymore.

My eyes feel like they are burning; tears fall down my face. I hope I become blind so I don't have to see the hate in Olivia's gaze each time she looks at me. Fuck.

Get your shit together, Tyson.

Lords don't cry. They hide their pain behind masks, drugs, and alcohol. Only I can't bring drugs into the house since Olivia will get hooked on them immediately. Alcohol could work. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. I take another swig from the bottle.

Rueben barges into the office without bothering to knock. I don't think he even knows what it is.

"Have you

been crying?" he asks as he sits across from me.

eyes still hurt because of you." Not entirely a

I don't see him complaining. But here you are, whining like a little bitch, when we have bigger

like that? Annoyed, I

everyone so cranky

cranky if you

Rueben dismisses me, "Olivia and Mose are back. Heck, even Miss Teapot returned." I narrow my eyes. He leans forward.

thinking. That's news to me.

to make

comes from Rueben, but I'm so desperate

bonded to her. That leaves Jasper, you, and me to do the same." I never told Rueben that Olivia is my bonded,

only living relative," my mother doesn't count, "and I love you more than I should, but if I hear you mentioning getting Olivia pregnant one more time, I'm going to choke you

by my reaction. That's my fault because I always sided with him. But not this time. From now on, Olivia is my main focus. On top of that, I have to

fuck her until she understands that she belongs to

into fists. "Even if she is our hellstar, it doesn't

blood-brothers did that to their wife. You

traumatize her," I point out. Or be the reason why they don't

I have no recollection of doing that to her. I'm not saying it as an excuse. Also, you got her pregnant. How did that happen? Did you rape her? Do you

when we

once and for all. "He

"Sure. Whatever you say."

Diva. "I don't care what you think, but if

snake around the cold metal of the

start to count.

laid and get rid

perfectly good bullet, but that's the only way I can

at

I thought I was the crazy one. Some days I wonder who is

a good team in taking down the Senator, Jason, and

the trigger. The bullet grazes

the hell?"

me the fuck alone, but you never listen to a word I say." I keep pointing at him. "The next

bathrobe, a worried look on her face. I quickly put

was in the kitchen when I heard the shot." She shifts her weight from one leg to the other. "Since my brother and father are still a threat, I was afraid that.... Are you

scared that something might have happened to

my life, it will devastate her, not help

of my soul. She might hate me, but she still loves me. That means I