Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

293. Tyson - War of hearts

*If you had truly loved me, Spencer would still be here.*

My revolver sits on my desk in front of me. There's one bullet in the cylinder. My death will allow Olivia to heal and move on. I want that for her.

I take another swig from the whiskey bottle. It was full when I grabbed it from behind the books. I drank almost half of it the moment I put the bottle against my lips, hoping the alcohol would numb the fucking pain I'm in. The alcohol only made it worse.

*You are the reason why I don't want to have more children.*

Once I've dealt with Jason and Senator Deymar, there won't be anything stopping me from ending myself. I won't tell anyone about my plans because word might get back to Olivia, and she will either hate me more or try to stop me. She needs to focus on herself and not be worried about me.

In time, Ansel, Jasper, and Mose will make her feel safe enough to try for another baby.

*I loved you until I didn't.*

I'll never get over the fact that I lost her.

How do I learn to live without the other half of my soul? Before, it was easy because I was fueled by the deep anger and hatred I had for her.

I should try to win her back. Why would she take me back? She hates me now. Spencer is dead because of me. Each time she sees me, she'll only think of that. Even if I somehow convince her, her resentment will only grow over time. "Stupid," I mutter to myself.

I lean my head on my chair and close my eyes. My head is spinning. What the fuck do I do? Put the barrel in my mouth and pull the trigger, or try to win her back?

*I loved you until I didn't.*

She doesn't love me anymore.

My eyes feel like they are burning; tears fall down my face. I hope I become blind so I don't have to see the hate in Olivia's gaze each time she looks at me. Fuck.

Get your shit together, Tyson.

Lords don't cry. They hide their pain behind masks, drugs, and alcohol. Only I can't bring drugs into the house since Olivia will get hooked on them immediately. Alcohol could work. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. I take another swig from the bottle.

Rueben barges into the office without bothering to knock. I don't think he even knows what it is.

"Have you

been crying?" he asks as he sits across from me.

of you."

You smashed Jasper's knee, but I don't see him complaining. But here

a little bitch? Since when does Rueben talk to me like that? Annoyed, I snap

is everyone

you hadn't called

Miss Teapot returned." I narrow my eyes. He leans

That's news

make Olivia forgive

comes from Rueben, but I'm so desperate to get Olivia to love me again that I say, "I'm all

expression appears on Rueben's face. "Mose and Ansel are already bonded to her. That leaves Jasper, you, and me to do the same." I never told Rueben that Olivia is my bonded,

count, "and I love you more than I should, but if I hear you mentioning getting Olivia pregnant one more time, I'm going to choke you with your own teeth. And you are going to

shocked by my reaction. That's my fault because I always sided with him. But not this time. From now on, Olivia is my main focus. On top of that, I have to make sure Rueben doesn't screw

need to fuck her until she understands that she belongs to us,"

if she is our hellstar, it doesn't mean we can fuck

Reyes and his blood-brothers did that to their wife. You saw how

their wife and traumatize her,"

excuse. Also, you got her pregnant. How

happened between Olivia and me. He hinted about it yesterday when we were on the porch. I haven't told Rueben because it's

once and for all.

"Sure. Whatever you say."

I shoot him right now. Not even Diva. "I don't care what you think, but if you value

fingers snake around the

start to count.

get laid and get rid of

a waste of a perfectly good bullet, but that's the only

point at

crazy one. Some

would make a good team in taking down the

pull the trigger. The

hell?"

told you to leave me the fuck alone, but you never listen to a word I say." I keep pointing at him. "The next

look on her

say anything about it. "I was in the kitchen when I heard the shot." She shifts her weight from one leg to the other. "Since my brother and father are still a threat,

scared that something might have happened

life, it will devastate her, not help

feel it in the deepest of my soul. She might