Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

293. Tyson - War of hearts

*If you had truly loved me, Spencer would still be here.*

My revolver sits on my desk in front of me. There's one bullet in the cylinder. My death will allow Olivia to heal and move on. I want that for her.

I take another swig from the whiskey bottle. It was full when I grabbed it from behind the books. I drank almost half of it the moment I put the bottle against my lips, hoping the alcohol would numb the fucking pain I'm in. The alcohol only made it worse.

*You are the reason why I don't want to have more children.*

Once I've dealt with Jason and Senator Deymar, there won't be anything stopping me from ending myself. I won't tell anyone about my plans because word might get back to Olivia, and she will either hate me more or try to stop me. She needs to focus on herself and not be worried about me.

In time, Ansel, Jasper, and Mose will make her feel safe enough to try for another baby.

*I loved you until I didn't.*

I'll never get over the fact that I lost her.

How do I learn to live without the other half of my soul? Before, it was easy because I was fueled by the deep anger and hatred I had for her.

I should try to win her back. Why would she take me back? She hates me now. Spencer is dead because of me. Each time she sees me, she'll only think of that. Even if I somehow convince her, her resentment will only grow over time. "Stupid," I mutter to myself.

I lean my head on my chair and close my eyes. My head is spinning. What the fuck do I do? Put the barrel in my mouth and pull the trigger, or try to win her back?

*I loved you until I didn't.*

She doesn't love me anymore.

My eyes feel like they are burning; tears fall down my face. I hope I become blind so I don't have to see the hate in Olivia's gaze each time she looks at me. Fuck.

Get your shit together, Tyson.

Lords don't cry. They hide their pain behind masks, drugs, and alcohol. Only I can't bring drugs into the house since Olivia will get hooked on them immediately. Alcohol could work. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. I take another swig from the bottle.

Rueben barges into the office without bothering to knock. I don't think he even knows what it is.

"Have you

been crying?" he asks as he sits across from me.

of you." Not entirely

that? You smashed Jasper's knee, but I don't see him complaining. But here

to me like that?

everyone

wouldn't be cranky if you hadn't called me 'whining

are back. Heck, even Miss Teapot returned." I narrow my eyes. He leans forward.

That's news to me. "About

make

to any stupid idea that comes from Rueben, but I'm so

and Ansel are already bonded to her. That leaves Jasper, you, and me to do the same." I never told Rueben that Olivia is my bonded, since it is none

Rueben looks confused. "You are not only my blood-brother, but also my only living relative," my mother doesn't count, "and I love you more than I should, but

my fault because I always sided with him. But not this time. From now on, Olivia is my main focus. On top of that, I have

We need to fuck her until she

into fists. "Even if she is our hellstar, it doesn't mean we can fuck our

that to their wife. You saw how happy

their wife and traumatize her," I point out. Or be the reason why they don't want to

her. I'm not saying it as an excuse. Also, you got her pregnant. How did that happen? Did you rape her? Do you remember, or just like me,

He hinted about it yesterday when we were on the porch. I haven't told Rueben because it's not his

it clear once and for all. "He is

"Sure. Whatever you say."

if I shoot him right now. Not even Diva. "I don't care what you think, but if you value your life, you

around the cold metal

to

laid and get rid of some

perfectly good bullet, but that's the only way I

point at him.

the crazy one. Some days I wonder who is worse: you or

starting to believe I'm a sociopath. We would make a good team in taking down the Senator, Jason, and

The

the hell?" he

a word I say." I keep pointing at him. "The

Ansel's bathrobe, a worried look on her face. I quickly put the revolver behind the whiskey

on Rueben's cheek. A thin line of blood slides down his skin. She frowns but doesn't say anything about it. "I was in the kitchen when I heard the shot." She shifts her weight from one leg to the other. "Since my brother

scared that something might have happened to

take my life, it will devastate her, not help

the deepest of my soul. She might hate me, but she