Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

293. Tyson - War of hearts

*If you had truly loved me, Spencer would still be here.*

My revolver sits on my desk in front of me. There's one bullet in the cylinder. My death will allow Olivia to heal and move on. I want that for her.

I take another swig from the whiskey bottle. It was full when I grabbed it from behind the books. I drank almost half of it the moment I put the bottle against my lips, hoping the alcohol would numb the fucking pain I'm in. The alcohol only made it worse.

*You are the reason why I don't want to have more children.*

Once I've dealt with Jason and Senator Deymar, there won't be anything stopping me from ending myself. I won't tell anyone about my plans because word might get back to Olivia, and she will either hate me more or try to stop me. She needs to focus on herself and not be worried about me.

In time, Ansel, Jasper, and Mose will make her feel safe enough to try for another baby.

*I loved you until I didn't.*

I'll never get over the fact that I lost her.

How do I learn to live without the other half of my soul? Before, it was easy because I was fueled by the deep anger and hatred I had for her.

I should try to win her back. Why would she take me back? She hates me now. Spencer is dead because of me. Each time she sees me, she'll only think of that. Even if I somehow convince her, her resentment will only grow over time. "Stupid," I mutter to myself.

I lean my head on my chair and close my eyes. My head is spinning. What the fuck do I do? Put the barrel in my mouth and pull the trigger, or try to win her back?

*I loved you until I didn't.*

She doesn't love me anymore.

My eyes feel like they are burning; tears fall down my face. I hope I become blind so I don't have to see the hate in Olivia's gaze each time she looks at me. Fuck.

Get your shit together, Tyson.

Lords don't cry. They hide their pain behind masks, drugs, and alcohol. Only I can't bring drugs into the house since Olivia will get hooked on them immediately. Alcohol could work. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. I take another swig from the bottle.

Rueben barges into the office without bothering to knock. I don't think he even knows what it is.

"Have you

been crying?" he asks as he sits across from me.

still hurt because of you." Not

on that? You smashed Jasper's knee, but I don't see him complaining. But here

when does Rueben talk to me like that? Annoyed, I snap at him, "What the fuck do you want,

is everyone so cranky

wouldn't be cranky if you hadn't called

are back. Heck, even Miss Teapot returned." I narrow my eyes.

That's news to me. "About

to make Olivia

Rueben, but I'm so desperate to get Olivia to love me again that I say,

I never told Rueben that Olivia

only my blood-brother, but also my only living relative," my mother doesn't count, "and I love you more than I should, but if I hear you mentioning getting Olivia pregnant one more time, I'm going to choke you with your own teeth. And you are going to leave her

That's my fault because I always sided with him. But not this time. From now on, Olivia is my main focus. On top of that,

until she understands that she belongs to us," Rueben keeps

she is our hellstar, it doesn't mean we can fuck our way

that to their wife. You saw how happy they were. They probably had an

probably didn't beat the shit out of their wife and traumatize her," I point out. Or be the reason why they don't want to have more

I'm not saying it as an excuse. Also, you got her pregnant. How did that happen? Did you rape her? Do you remember, or just like me, you have no recollection of being in the

aware of what happened between Olivia and me. He hinted about it yesterday when

product of rape," I make it clear once and for all. "He is the result of the love between Olivia and

"Sure. Whatever you say."

Not even Diva. "I don't care what you think, but if you value your life, you have three seconds to leave me

fingers snake around the cold metal of

to

get laid and

Rueben will be a waste of a perfectly good bullet, but that's the

point at

the crazy one. Some

psychopath. I'm starting to believe I'm a sociopath. We would make a good team in taking down the Senator,

trigger. The bullet grazes

hell?"

to leave me the fuck alone, but you never listen to a word I say." I

worried look on her face. I

the kitchen when I heard the shot." She shifts her weight from one leg to the other.

that something might have

will devastate her, not help

us. I can feel it in the deepest of my soul.