Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

306. Olivia - Nail polish I

From Tyson's office, I go directly to Jasper's room. The guys are still in the living room, probably waiting to see how I am. I don't go to them. Not because I don't want to talk to them, but to explain my reaction from earlier. Because if I deviate from my trajectory, I might return to Tyson and...I'm not ready for the thoughts filling my head, not the ones who make me think less of myself, but ones that might have me fuck Tyson as I did with Mose. Out of my own volition. When that happens, I'll lose my heart to him again, and I can't allow that to happen.

How Tyson still has so much power over me, I'll never understand. The more I try to fight him, the more I get pulled to him. It's not only the bond between us; there's something else that ties us together.

My barefeet barely make any noise on the wooden floor. I've learned a long time ago how to be silent. Before, it was because of fear, now it is because of shame. Ansel probably thinks he hurt me in some shape or form. I can't bring myself to tell him that when he makes love to me, he breaks my heart a little more. Not intentionally. I don't think Ansel has any ill intention towards me, but his gentleness or the way he sometimes looks at me, with tenderness, with love, I can't stand it. It was better when everyone hated me, when I still fought the darkness inside me when I didn't know how amazing sex could be, when... Tyson and Rueben still hated me. When I still wanted to die....

Hate is something I can deal with, but love?

Love.

What does love even mean?

To be happy when the object of your desires also reciprocates?

Happiness.

a thing

the closet, locking myself inside it and hiding in a corner next to the bag with books and records Tyson bought

high or sleeping. There were no books around even ever if I wanted to read. It was the same at Jason's apartment. I take my time before I open the book. I close my eyes and flip the pages fast while inhaling deeply. Its scent brings

feel ready, I turn on the light

days spent between cherry

story started. I thought he forgot. I don't know what is worse, that he told our story in a thousand ways or we never get to experience all

chapter and start reading. It follows the story of a man who moves into a tiny apartment and becomes friends with one of his neighbors. The book is not long and is fast-paced, taking me only a few hours

house, calling my name, but I don't reply, wanting to know how the book ends. Tyson said he wanted our story to have a happy ending, but I need to see

It's been years since I last cried like this. Since the day I lost Spencer. The story Tyson wrote is so...cliche and stupid yet so beautiful. It's everything

last two hours or so. He sounded worried

I want to hide in here forever, it's time to

on top of the

"I'm in here."

opens the closet and gets me

pulls me into a tight embrace. Before he can ask why I'm crying,