Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

306. Olivia - Nail polish I

From Tyson's office, I go directly to Jasper's room. The guys are still in the living room, probably waiting to see how I am. I don't go to them. Not because I don't want to talk to them, but to explain my reaction from earlier. Because if I deviate from my trajectory, I might return to Tyson and...I'm not ready for the thoughts filling my head, not the ones who make me think less of myself, but ones that might have me fuck Tyson as I did with Mose. Out of my own volition. When that happens, I'll lose my heart to him again, and I can't allow that to happen.

How Tyson still has so much power over me, I'll never understand. The more I try to fight him, the more I get pulled to him. It's not only the bond between us; there's something else that ties us together.

My barefeet barely make any noise on the wooden floor. I've learned a long time ago how to be silent. Before, it was because of fear, now it is because of shame. Ansel probably thinks he hurt me in some shape or form. I can't bring myself to tell him that when he makes love to me, he breaks my heart a little more. Not intentionally. I don't think Ansel has any ill intention towards me, but his gentleness or the way he sometimes looks at me, with tenderness, with love, I can't stand it. It was better when everyone hated me, when I still fought the darkness inside me when I didn't know how amazing sex could be, when... Tyson and Rueben still hated me. When I still wanted to die....

Hate is something I can deal with, but love?

Love.

What does love even mean?

To be happy when the object of your desires also reciprocates?

Happiness.

a thing does

Jasper's room and slowly close the door behind me before going straight to the closet, locking myself inside it and hiding in a corner next to the bag with books and

something. In the Celestial Heaven, all I did was fuck men and spend the remainder of the time high or sleeping. There were no books around even ever if I wanted to read. It was the same at Jason's apartment. I take my time before

feel ready, I turn on the light

spent

how our love story started. I thought he forgot. I don't know what is worse, that he told our story in a thousand ways or

and becomes friends with one of his neighbors. The book is not long and is fast-paced, taking me only a

the house, calling my name, but I don't reply, wanting to know how the book ends. Tyson said he wanted our story to have a happy ending, but I need to see what that means to him. No one thinks about checking the

to ugly cry. It's been years since I last cried like this. Since the day I lost Spencer. The story Tyson wrote is so...cliche and stupid yet

time Ansel has looked for me in Jasper's room in the last two hours or so. He sounded worried in

to hide in here forever, it's

the book on top of the phone before unlocking

"I'm in here."

yells before he opens the closet and gets me

and he pulls me into a tight embrace. Before he can ask why I'm crying,