Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

306. Olivia - Nail polish I

From Tyson's office, I go directly to Jasper's room. The guys are still in the living room, probably waiting to see how I am. I don't go to them. Not because I don't want to talk to them, but to explain my reaction from earlier. Because if I deviate from my trajectory, I might return to Tyson and...I'm not ready for the thoughts filling my head, not the ones who make me think less of myself, but ones that might have me fuck Tyson as I did with Mose. Out of my own volition. When that happens, I'll lose my heart to him again, and I can't allow that to happen.

How Tyson still has so much power over me, I'll never understand. The more I try to fight him, the more I get pulled to him. It's not only the bond between us; there's something else that ties us together.

My barefeet barely make any noise on the wooden floor. I've learned a long time ago how to be silent. Before, it was because of fear, now it is because of shame. Ansel probably thinks he hurt me in some shape or form. I can't bring myself to tell him that when he makes love to me, he breaks my heart a little more. Not intentionally. I don't think Ansel has any ill intention towards me, but his gentleness or the way he sometimes looks at me, with tenderness, with love, I can't stand it. It was better when everyone hated me, when I still fought the darkness inside me when I didn't know how amazing sex could be, when... Tyson and Rueben still hated me. When I still wanted to die....

Hate is something I can deal with, but love?

Love.

What does love even mean?

To be happy when the object of your desires also reciprocates?

Happiness.

a thing

straight to the closet, locking myself inside it and hiding in a corner next to the bag with books and records Tyson bought for me, put the phone next to it, and open

were no books around even ever if I wanted to read. It was the

feel ready, I turn on the light and read the dedicatory

spent between

also thought of how our love story started. I thought he forgot. I don't know what is worse, that he told our story in a

and start reading. It follows the story of a man who moves into a tiny apartment and becomes friends with one of his neighbors.

around the house, calling my name, but I don't reply, wanting to know how the book ends. Tyson said he wanted our story to have a happy ending, but I need to see what that means to

I read the epilogue, I start to ugly cry. It's been years since I last cried like this. Since the day I lost Spencer. The story Tyson wrote is so...cliche and stupid yet so beautiful. It's everything I have ever wanted. "Olivia? Where the fuck are

the last two hours or so. He sounded worried in the beginning, but now

I want to hide in here forever,

the book on top of the

"I'm in here."

before he opens the closet and gets me out of

crying, but my face is still wet with tears, and he pulls me into a tight embrace. Before he can ask why I'm crying, I say,