Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

327. Olivia - The visit I

Mose crawling in the bed wakes me up early in the morning. Moments later, his soft snores join Ansel and Jasper's. I try to go back to sleep, but I'm still worried about Tyson and Rueben.

After a quick shower, I put on one of the cute dresses Rueben got for me and the UGG boots from Tyson and style my hair in a Dutch braid. It's been a while since I dressed up for someone. I still remember all the effort I put into my looks when I was dating Tyson. Just thinking about him was enough to feel butterflies in my stomach.

I'm still not ready to let those two back into my life, at least not in the way I am with Ansel, Mose, and Jasper. My body still tenses up around them, especially when I'm alone with Rueben, but maybe if they court me...things can change. Just the idea of being with them scares me, but I need to learn to take risks. Things are not like they were six years ago.

All that happened in the past week, combined with last night, made me open my eyes. I'm slowly learning how to speak my mind. It's not always easy since I never had a voice of my own, but I'm trying to create my own narrative. Life is too short to have regrets, and I already have plenty of them.

Once I'm ready for the day, I start looking for Rueben and Tyson around the house and the farm, with Diva by my side because I'm not stupid enough to be on my own when I know Jason is not done with me. He hates me simply because I exist. I never understood why, but it doesn't matter anyway. The next time we see each other is the day he'll be held accountable for everything he did.

If I ever have another meltdown because I'm blamed for someone's death or something else that I have no control over, I will run to Tyson or any of the other guys instead of going back to Jason to get high.

Last night was about embracing the future, so falling back into old habits is out of the question. My past is horrible, but I no longer want to be haunted by it. I know I have a lot of healing to do, but the love and affection I'm receiving from the guys is so therapeutic. I still get triggered daily, and I often cry, but I no longer live in constant fear of being hurt by my men. They are slowly gaining my trust. If I'm not careful, they will also win my heart, and I'm not ready for that yet. When I look in the mirror nowadays, my eyes are not that haunted. I know it's still early, too soon, but I'm starting to feel happiness again. It's thrilling and scary at the same time. Getting things off my chest has helped me more than I thought. Even talking with Mose and Tyson about Spencer makes me feel less guilty. If only my body had been strong enough to carry him full term... I failed my baby. Camila also. Rueben might have stopped blaming me for killing her, but I'll never forgive myself for what happened.

I don't find Tyson

wanting to go crazy with worry, I keep myself busy feeding the animals since Ansel, Jasper, and Mose are still sleeping. After I'm done, Diva and I go to the living room to wait

from a movie pops up, and my eyes fill with tears. It's a mother and a father putting their child to bed, and it breaks my heart because I'll

into labor earlier, as it happened with Spencer, and I lose yet another child? If it happened a second time, I would really lose my mind. The only reason why it didn't happen when I lost

days when I dream of my baby and how life

do you say?" Diva tilts her head and gives me a strange look. "I think I'm being hormonal.

from

my feet.

keeps barking. "You are more excited than I am." I open the front door, and Diva pushes past me before I even get to step on the porch. Her barks turn more aggressive, alerting me that it's not Rueben and Tyson. "Diva, get back here!" I shout after her. As Diva is Rueben's dog, she completely ignores me and runs to the main gate, where an expensive car I don't recognize is parked. I freeze on the spot because I don't know if it's my father or brother who came to take me back to Celestial Heaven or someone else who has nothing

voice comes from behind me.

without any protest, as I'd rather be safe than sorry. Ansel leaves the house, closes the screen door, and quickly climbs down the porch's steps. I watch from inside, scared that whoever came is here for me. Ansel, Mose, and Jasper will keep me safe, but I hate that they are in danger

She turns from aggressive to friendly in a second, letting me know he is not an enemy. Diva goes

enter the living room. "Who

I think he was at the gathering last