Chapter 127 : You’re Not Coming Back

*Lena*

Xander set the food down on a makeshift desk in the corner of his tent. He broke a load of crusty, golden bread in half, handing one half to me as I lingered in the tent's entrance, taking it all in.

He had his own tent as an Alpha. It was roughly the size of the cottage we'd stayed in during our time in Crimson Creek, and just as sparsely furnished. There was only a cot to sleep on, a desk made of crates and pallet board, and a stool, which I noticed was broken as if someone had manhandled it and then tried to put it back together.

I took a bite of the bread, which was freshly baked and still warm. I wasn't particularly hungry, but Xander looked as though he hadn't eaten in days. He tilted a bowl of soup into his mouth, drinking it down without bothering to use a spoon, and placed the empty bowl on the desk. He'd eaten the bread while I was looking around, and now he was just standing there, staring at me like I'd disappear again if he blinked.

“I swear I'm really here," I said with a soft laugh. His eyes glimmered for a moment before he looked down at the ground, shaking his head.

I sat on the cot, shifting my weight. It was hard, and I wondered if sleeping on the floor would be more comfortable. I looked down at the floor, which was covered in dried mud and soot–maybe not.

But then something caught my eye, something shiny that was reflecting the evening sunlight coming through the tent flap. I peered down at it and froze, noting three empty whiskey bottles tucked beneath the cot.

I met Xander's gaze, noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes. He was no longer the young man who'd once been known as the King of Morhan University, no longer that guy wearing sweatpants and a black windbreaker who'd put himself between me and Slate that fateful, unassuming day, when the course of my life had changed forever.

His hair was longer now, the black curls nearly touching his shoulders. His muscles rippled beneath his shirt and were cut to a fine finish, his forearms snaking with veins as he leaned back and gripped the edge of the desk, watching me.

His jaw was covered in a scruffy but short beard, like he hadn't shaved in a while.

He looked… lived in, like he'd seen it all, and then some.

But his eyes were the same, still nearly black and flaked with amber.

Xander, my… my Xander, my mate.

And I knew that he was my mate. I knew without a doubt that we were fated. I felt that bond stronger than ever, a product of the spell that had given me my wolf powers early. It was always him, and would always be him.

“How are you?" he asked.

I blinked up at him, a ghost of a smile touching his lips. He knew it was a silly question, but what do you ask someone who'd practically risen from the dead?

thought of the empty bottles of liquor beneath his bed and felt a crack form across my heart. I couldn't ask how

wasn't fine. It could be months, or even years, before he could honestly say he

Maddox is alive." It was all I could think to say. Xander only nodded, turning away from me as he ran his fingers over a stack

was sent to her mother in

before I came–before I came back," I breathed, and he turned around, looking surprised. “Her…

“Wasn't the king's?"

and

ran his tongue over his bottom lip, sighing deeply as he leaned on the desk again,

in battle," he said,

child within moving against my touch. I felt a sting of guilt ripple through my heart as I thought of Carly's father, then

arrival back in

parties looking for you," Xander said in a whisper, his eyes downcast. “Troy was the one

swallowed against the pain twisting my stomach into a

stop flowing. I told Xander everything–about the spellbook, how I'd been given my powers to shift early, how Maeve and I had come to Breles, how Oliver and

the tent, and I was drowning in the distance between us. It had been weeks since we'd had a moment alone together, months since we'd had any peace. I missed him. I missed him desperately, and he was

sounded in the distance, and Xander slowly turned his head to the tent

the warriors who aren't on patrols tonight," he said, more to himself than to me. “I… Lena, I have to leave in the morning.

planned to say next fizzled out on the

his arms and straightened to

for you. I promised I'd be back before

but the words felt hollow. We had made each other so many promises, and had come so close to never having

Adrian," he said, taking a few steps toward me before he halted, heaving a chest-rattling breath. I saw pain flicker across his eyes, physical pain. My eyes once again raked over his scars, which were still reddened and barely healed. He

giving him a weak smile as

she'd sent me and Gideon to Breles with a basket of food I could barely finish by the time we reached what was

We'd drive through Morhan instead, around the massive lake that separated the two cities. Morhan was deserted, and it was obvious that battles had taken place there as well. The brick buildings I knew so well were empty, blackened shells and

once over, one hand gripping the tent flap as if he was reluctant to leave. I was tired,

Troy you're here and resting," he said softly. “He

me had been two excruciating weeks for him, in the middle of a war zone, no

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