Strings of Fate

53–Selfish and shy

When we reach the grave from before, I stop and release his hand. It falls to his side. I stare at the grave and avoid his face.

“You were right when you said I’m selfish.” I start.

“I don’t know how to trust. Until now, I’ve never even tried to, not really, I run away, hide and

who tries to get close to me. But there is on

avoid everyone thing I have always trusted and that is fate. These threads that I see. They never deceive me, they show truth, good and bad. They do nothing to spare my feelings because fate doesn’t care about my feelings. There are times I wish I couldn’t see them at all because what I see is so heartbreaking. But despite that, I really do trust them. Completely. I trust them so completely that I know I will be tied to you forever, even when we are both dead and gone.” I pause and turn to face Bellamy. His expression is giving nothing away and I have to once again fight my natural inclination to flee.

“I’m selfish because I knew that even if I ran away from my feelings and rejected you, it wouldn’t be forever because you’re fated to be mine eventually. I’m selfish because I drove you away and hid the truth, even though I knew the time would come when I would want you

back, and that eventually, you would come back to me, because fate never lies to me. I’m selfish because refusing you was easy.” I stop and my eyes drop to the floor, staring at my feet. There is blood on my skirt. I’m shaking again. I push forward, I need to finish what I

came to say.

“It was so easy, not because I didn’t want to be yours, but because I already was yours. I’ve been yours completely, even before we ever met, I knew I could never be with anyone else. I just wasn’t ready to accept that, to trust in something, someone other than fate. The night of the party, I never meant for it to be all or nothing, it was just… not yet.” I still can’t look up, I don’t notice Bellamy moving until I feel his hand on my shoulder. His other hand moves to my chin and I’m forced to look up at him. His face has softened. The anger has faded, and his

expression is… hopeful.

about now? Is it still not yet?” His voice is gentle, and I find myself lost in hist golden eyes. Part of me wants to throw myself in his arms, tell him that I’m his and that I missed him, but part of me still wants to run away, and I don’t think I can pretend that part of me doesn’t exist. I promised to be truthful so that’s what I’m going

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53- Selfish and shy

I can’t just walk away from you again. It hurts too much, I miss you too much.” I admit. Bellamy smiles at me, a proper smile. Until this

you too, I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you.” He mutters. He moves slowly, his intentions clear. He’s giving me time to stop him, to move away. He’s watching my face for any sign that this isn’t okay, waiting for me to flinch back, but I don’t, I hold still and stare up into his eyes. Finally, he leans all the way in and kisses me. A proper kiss this time, not the light brush from last time. This kiss is gentle and sweet and perfect. I can tell he is holding back, being careful not to scare me away and I appreciate it. Shyly, awkwardly, I kiss him back. This is the first kiss I’ve always wanted, hoped for. Bellamy pulls back and

need to jump right into anything you aren’t ready for. We can move forward at our own pace. As long

I can tell him than what I already have

smiles so it must be enough for him. I glance

to tell everyone?” my words come out in a rush.

to keep this a secret?” I give

else. The Alphas, the

of the pressure?” he confirms. I nod. Bellamy

a heavy sigh.

what you want… what it takes. to have you… just tell me it’s not

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53- Selfish and shy.

either of us. I just need time