Strings of Fate

142- Shampoo and spending

I keep myself angled to the wall, my back to Bellamy. Okay so showering in underwear might be a little weird, but it lets me feel a little less exposed while still attempting to be brave. Not that I’m particularly aiming for anything intimate right now. Nope, not at all. I feel dreadful and miserable. But I want to be clean and I want Bellamy with me. Okay, maybe I also want a distraction. Nervous and overly self conscious might not be the best feeling, but it’s better than the alternative. Bellamy seems kind of speechless, which is funny since he was the one who started trying to undress me in the first place. I glance back over my shoulder and find that he is staring a hole through my back.

“Uh, Bellamy?” I ask hoarsely. Turns out vomiting is hell on your throat. Actually my mouth tastes awful.

“I’m not totally sure what I’m supposed to be doing. Well, I don’t know what you want.” He admits.

“Well, right this second, I’d like you to pass me the mouthwash.” I answer, partly because, well… I want the mouthwash, and partially because I’m stalling. I reach out blindly behind me and Bellamy places the bottle of mouthwash in my hand. I almost drop it, plastic bottle. plus water equals klutziness. The spearmint liquid somehow burns and cools my mouth at the same time as I rinse it out. I catch a little water from the shower in my hands and rinse the

overly strong mouthwash from my mouth. Seriously, why is something that is intended to

touch a person’s taste buds taste so bad? I hand the bottle back to Bellamy.

“Ry, sweetheart? What should I do?” I don’t turn around but I’m pretty sure that Bellamy is shuffling in place. He wants to be helpful and he wants to DO something to make me feel better. He hates waiting, or rather he hates inaction and not knowing what to do.

“You don’t need to do anything. Just be here and if you can think of a way to make my brain. shut up and stop replaying my nightmare from last night, that would be awesome.”

Bellamy thinks for a minute.

“So you want a distraction then.” He clarifies. I nod and stick my head under the stream of water to start rinsing out the vomit.

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142- Shampoo and spending

that. Time this last two weeks has somehow been very fast and very slow at the same time. It feels like it’s only been like two days, but at the same time it feels like it’s been forever since I was last at work. Yeah I don’t think Bellamy would take it well if I said I wanted to go back to work. The good news for him is that I don’t particularly want to go back. The longer I’m away the less I want to be there. But I can’t just sponge off Bellamy forever. It’s just not something I can put up with. I would feel way too guilty, and Bellamy would make it way too easy for me to become lazy. I tip shampoo. onto my hand and start running it through my hair

back immediately, I don’t really even want to go back that badly. But it is my job and I need the money. I don’t have any more leave so I’m not

would prefer you do, but

that job.” I roll my eyes even though he

the shampoo from my

need my job. Rent is a thing, not to mention I

then.” I remind him. Bellamy

my credit cards if it would stop you worrying about it.” He offers. I freeze up and my initial reaction is to flat out refuse and yell at him for being so casual about

me. He really doesn’t seem to understand why I’m so concerned about money. He’s never been broke and it kind of shows. While I think

Wasn’t

i’m thinking you don’t love that

like it, but I am trying to think of other solutions. I want to find an outcome that we can both be happy with. I’m also trying to remind myself that I shouldn’t be offended by you offering money… and how did you know that

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Shampoo and

time.” he points out. Oh, oops. I rinse my

suggestions? I suspect that you

now.”

correctly. So, I have an idea about your place. Just try not to freak out and think about it before you answer, okay?” He says warily. Oh great, that sounds less than hopeful. I run conditioner through the ends of

ווין

“I’ll try.” I hedge.