Strings of Fate

151- Push and pull

“This is definitely not working out how I planned. You weren’t supposed to be worried about it. Just the opposite. I was trying to make you more comfortable by backing off a bit.” Bellamy

explains. I frown.

“I never told you to do that.” I comment quietly. He shrugs.

“You don’t have to tell me. If I think you want something I’m going to do my best to give it to you, even if in this case it means giving you… less.” He tries to explain.

“But… I don’t want you to… I mean. I never meant for you to… UGH I don’t know how to say this!” I complain. Bellamy lifts his eyes to meet mine.

“You don’t want me to back off? But you always seemed… uncomfortable.” He points out.

“I know that! But it doesn’t mean you needed to stop. I WAS uncomfortable, some of the time. at least. But I’m awkward and anxious and terrible at dealing with new things. I was always going to be uncomfortable! We discussed this the day after Megan’s wedding. I can’t tell you what is okay. But I will always tell you if something isn’t okay. How am I meant to tell you how I feel about the things you do if you never do anything?!” I ask, completely frustrated.

Bellamy’s jaw drops open. He looks puzzled.

“So… you want me to… pressure you more?” He asks. Wrinkling up his nose in distaste.

“No, that’s not what I mean. Or maybe it is a little? But it’s not pressuring. It’s… opportunities. I might not know what I’m ready for, but.. I do enjoy being wanted. I like knowing that I could take you up on your offers at any time if I chose to. That all I would have to do is just accept. At this point in time there’s no way I would be confident enough to approach you myself. I need you to make the first move so that I can decide how far I want things to go. Does that make sense? I know it isn’t totally fair to you, but…” I trail off.

“I just… didn’t want to make you scared of me. Didn’t want to push you too far.” Bellamy says quietly.

“I need a push or I’ll never change. We both know that. It’s why you’re good for me. And I

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151- Push and pull

be scared of you. I trust you and I know you would

lifts me so that I’m sitting and straddling

me, any time and any place and I will never turn you down. I always want you Ry.

give you lots of opportunities

chest and presses his lips into mine. Bellamy k*sses me at a leisurely pace, like he has all the time in the world and nowhere else to

my back, keeping me close and is somehow exciting me and reassuring me at

that it is steadily moving up my leg, stroking little shapes

the skirt that Megan picked out for

pause, playing with the fabric and running his fingers just along the edge, teasing the skin just barely. I’m nervous for a moment before I realise he isn’t planning on advancing

murmurs.

at some point made it underneath my top and is gently massaging between my upper and lower back, his fingers pressing into my waist. How did that happen without me noticing? I am completely overwhelmed. Not in a bad way necessarily, but this is starting to reach the point where I don’t quite know how I’m supposed to respond. Okay, that’s a lie, I do know how to respond, I just don’t know if I’m ready to respond that way. All I know right now is that Bellamy’s hands feel amazing and that talking things out was definitely a good

and pulls back a little.

dazed I am, or

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151- Push and pull

Gravity tilts my hips closer to his and I can feel just how aroused he actually is. Now that gives me pause.I tense up a little but instead of pulling away, I wrap my arms around his neck to secure myself and hug him tight,

I comment

I’m feeling right now… half of me, the lower half mostly, is telling me to escalate things while the rest of me knows I should slow down. I needed a little space to be sure I make the right choice. It’s… very hard to think when I’m holding you.” he admits and that makes me smile. I’m glad I’m not the only one who loses

my brain isn’t coming back online anytime soon so i’m

more or should I

the ensuite. He has just

to face me in one quick movement. If