Strings of Fate

151- Push and pull

“This is definitely not working out how I planned. You weren’t supposed to be worried about it. Just the opposite. I was trying to make you more comfortable by backing off a bit.” Bellamy

explains. I frown.

“I never told you to do that.” I comment quietly. He shrugs.

“You don’t have to tell me. If I think you want something I’m going to do my best to give it to you, even if in this case it means giving you… less.” He tries to explain.

“But… I don’t want you to… I mean. I never meant for you to… UGH I don’t know how to say this!” I complain. Bellamy lifts his eyes to meet mine.

“You don’t want me to back off? But you always seemed… uncomfortable.” He points out.

“I know that! But it doesn’t mean you needed to stop. I WAS uncomfortable, some of the time. at least. But I’m awkward and anxious and terrible at dealing with new things. I was always going to be uncomfortable! We discussed this the day after Megan’s wedding. I can’t tell you what is okay. But I will always tell you if something isn’t okay. How am I meant to tell you how I feel about the things you do if you never do anything?!” I ask, completely frustrated.

Bellamy’s jaw drops open. He looks puzzled.

“So… you want me to… pressure you more?” He asks. Wrinkling up his nose in distaste.

“No, that’s not what I mean. Or maybe it is a little? But it’s not pressuring. It’s… opportunities. I might not know what I’m ready for, but.. I do enjoy being wanted. I like knowing that I could take you up on your offers at any time if I chose to. That all I would have to do is just accept. At this point in time there’s no way I would be confident enough to approach you myself. I need you to make the first move so that I can decide how far I want things to go. Does that make sense? I know it isn’t totally fair to you, but…” I trail off.

“I just… didn’t want to make you scared of me. Didn’t want to push you too far.” Bellamy says quietly.

“I need a push or I’ll never change. We both know that. It’s why you’re good for me. And I

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151- Push and pull

trust you and I

you.” I promise. Bellamy’s face slowly transforms from one of discomfort to a pleased smirk. He grabs me and lifts me so that I’m sitting and straddling his lap. He brushes a loose piece of my hair behind my ear and when he answers,

time and any place and I will never turn you down. I always want you

you lots of opportunities to

pulls me tight against his chest and presses his lips into mine. Bellamy k*sses me at a

rather thrilling. His hand is stroking my back, keeping me close and

to realise that it is steadily moving up

of the

my legs with me sitting in this position. His fingers brush against the hem of my skirt and pause, playing with the fabric and running his fingers just along the edge, teasing the skin just barely. I’m nervous for a moment before I realise he isn’t planning on advancing it any

murmurs.

necessarily, but this is starting to reach the point where I don’t quite know how I’m

pulls back a little. What was he

with how completely dazed I am, or maybe how relaxed? Bellamy hugs me close and buries his face in my hair. He

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151- Push and pull

arms around his neck to secure myself and hug him tight, bed.hiding my face against his shoulder, feeling shy. Bellamy chuckles before turning and lowering me onto the bed, my head against the pillows. He pulls back and gives me another

stop.” I comment awkwardly.

space to be sure I make the right choice. It’s… very hard to think when I’m holding you.” he admits and that makes me smile. I’m glad I’m not the only one who loses my mind when he’s touching me. Bellamy takes several deep breaths and closes his eyes for a second. When he looks back at me, he groans

well my brain isn’t coming back online anytime soon so

or should

Bellamy begins to turn away and head towards the ensuite. He has

to face me in one quick movement. If