Tangled

194

194

194 Ava: Garden Visit

"Are you okay?"

Vanessa pops into my field of view with a steaming cup of what smells like hot chocolate.

Much better than coffee.

"I'm okay."

The steam from the mug assaults my face with humidity and heat, reminding me that summer is over.

The weather isn't chilly enough for hot cocoa to be a regular occurrence, and the wind is a little too warm against my skin, but the rich chocolate flavor that coats my tongue brings comfort.

It's a small thing, but it helps ground my racing thoughts as Vanessa settles beside me on the bench.

Out here, in the small garden behind the alpha lodge, there's only peace under the vast expanse of darkness and stars. Selene

slumbers peacefully a few feet away, her silver fur almost glowing in the moonlight.

There are, of course, the ever-present guards stationed around us. Four of them, at least.

But at least they're giving me this time out here, instead of leaving me to my misery indoors.

"How are you holding up this week Ava? Since we last talked... A lot seems to have changed. You look different. You sound different." Vanessa's gentle question pulls me from my thoughts.

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

Thinking about this past week is much better than thinking about Mom, and how quickly her life had slipped away in front of me.

I stare into the depths of my mug, as if the answers might be found swirling in the chocolate. "It's been

hard," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "Mostly, it feels like I'm stumbling in the dark, unsure of which direction to take. And I don't like the person I see in my memories. I've been cringing at a lot of thin Vanessa's hand rests on my arm, a reassuring touch. "Don't overthink it. Trust in those around you. We're here to support you."

Her words are meant to comfort, but they remind me of the tensions within the pack. Another distraction I grab onto gratefully. "What about Jericho? Lucas and Kellan don't

seem to listen to him much, even though they seem to respect him."

with weariness. "One of the worst epidemics among wolf shifters

afraid. It's hard to get them

I try

they're just being idiots, but pairing the word idiot

expression and laughs. "When a new alpha takes over, many of the previous alpha's most trusted advisors

wondered why all my bodyguards were retired, despite

twitch

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

they can hear every word

been alpha for as long as I can remember,

her

the death of the previous alpha and his Luna. It's a stigma he's never been able to fully shake in Lucas' mind,

Absolutely asinine?

between a laugh and a gasp comes out of me

are

You can't talk about Lucas like that." I pause.

still sleeping. "They're used to it. I've said far worse to his face. But it

simple as I've made it out to

There isn't

way to respond to that, so I just say, "Oh," and stare at the sky again. "If that mistake changed how they think of Jericho, I'm never going to get the pack to see me as Luna material after the massa "You will. Wolves are used to pups making terrible mistakes. You aren't the first youngling with blood on

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

lives were taken because of a single hotheaded idiot. He became the alpha when he was older, and now his son is alpha." Crossing my arms over my abdomen,

a pup, Selene whispers.

all your time feeling bad, wondering how to make

casually perched there, looking ahead of her, making

"Yes. Jericho keeps telling me to stop wallowing and feeling sorry for myself and start acting, but I don't..." Flapping my

sentence.

what to do to fix

"Yeah."

forward trying to make better choices than the day before. Apologize to those you've wronged. Take responsibility

view after everything I've put Lucas and

"I'm trying."

"I know."

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

at her side profile again, I can see

of who you are. Making mistake-even