Tangled

194

194

194 Ava: Garden Visit

"Are you okay?"

Vanessa pops into my field of view with a steaming cup of what smells like hot chocolate.

Much better than coffee.

"I'm okay."

The steam from the mug assaults my face with humidity and heat, reminding me that summer is over.

The weather isn't chilly enough for hot cocoa to be a regular occurrence, and the wind is a little too warm against my skin, but the rich chocolate flavor that coats my tongue brings comfort.

It's a small thing, but it helps ground my racing thoughts as Vanessa settles beside me on the bench.

Out here, in the small garden behind the alpha lodge, there's only peace under the vast expanse of darkness and stars. Selene

slumbers peacefully a few feet away, her silver fur almost glowing in the moonlight.

There are, of course, the ever-present guards stationed around us. Four of them, at least.

But at least they're giving me this time out here, instead of leaving me to my misery indoors.

"How are you holding up this week Ava? Since we last talked... A lot seems to have changed. You look different. You sound different." Vanessa's gentle question pulls me from my thoughts.

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

Thinking about this past week is much better than thinking about Mom, and how quickly her life had slipped away in front of me.

I stare into the depths of my mug, as if the answers might be found swirling in the chocolate. "It's been

hard," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "Mostly, it feels like I'm stumbling in the dark, unsure of which direction to take. And I don't like the person I see in my memories. I've been cringing at a lot of thin Vanessa's hand rests on my arm, a reassuring touch. "Don't overthink it. Trust in those around you. We're here to support you."

Her words are meant to comfort, but they remind me of the tensions within the pack. Another distraction I grab onto gratefully. "What about Jericho? Lucas and Kellan don't

seem to listen to him much, even though they seem to respect him."

"One of the

It's hard

my head, I try to puzzle through

just being idiots, but pairing the word

new alpha takes over, many of the previous alpha's most trusted advisors end up retiring. New blood, loyal to the current

lot. I wondered why all my

a single one of them twitch at the

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

they can hear every

can remember, so I've never seen it happen

forward to rest her elbows on her

his Luna. It's a stigma he's never been able to fully shake in Lucas' mind, even with all

Absolutely

a laugh and a gasp comes out

course, there are only the

Lucas like

who's still sleeping. "They're used

it out to be. You'll

There isn't

think of Jericho, I'm never going to get the pack to see me as Luna material after the massa

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

day, there were idiot scuffles where several lives were taken because of a single hotheaded idiot. He became the alpha when he was older, and now his son is alpha." Crossing my arms over my abdomen, I refrain from pointing out that I'm twenty years old, not fifteen. But it gives me a little comfort to know I'm not the only

Selene whispers.

your time feeling bad, wondering how to make things

casually

Jericho keeps telling me to stop wallowing and feeling sorry for myself and start acting, but I don't..." Flapping my hands helplessly,

sentence.

to do

"Yeah."

better choices than the day before. Apologize to those you've wronged. Take responsibility for your actions. And do your best every day. There's no

little too simplistic of a world view after everything I've

"I'm trying."

"I know."

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

I can

noticing, Ava. You don't need to be so apologetic that you lose sight of who you are. Making mistake-even