Tangled

194

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

"Are you okay?"

Vanessa pops into my field of view with a steaming cup of what smells like hot chocolate.

Much better than coffee.

"I'm okay."

The steam from the mug assaults my face with humidity and heat, reminding me that summer is over.

The weather isn't chilly enough for hot cocoa to be a regular occurrence, and the wind is a little too warm against my skin, but the rich chocolate flavor that coats my tongue brings comfort.

It's a small thing, but it helps ground my racing thoughts as Vanessa settles beside me on the bench.

Out here, in the small garden behind the alpha lodge, there's only peace under the vast expanse of darkness and stars. Selene

slumbers peacefully a few feet away, her silver fur almost glowing in the moonlight.

There are, of course, the ever-present guards stationed around us. Four of them, at least.

But at least they're giving me this time out here, instead of leaving me to my misery indoors.

"How are you holding up this week Ava? Since we last talked... A lot seems to have changed. You look different. You sound different." Vanessa's gentle question pulls me from my thoughts.

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Thinking about this past week is much better than thinking about Mom, and how quickly her life had slipped away in front of me.

I stare into the depths of my mug, as if the answers might be found swirling in the chocolate. "It's been

hard," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "Mostly, it feels like I'm stumbling in the dark, unsure of which direction to take. And I don't like the person I see in my memories. I've been cringing at a lot of thin Vanessa's hand rests on my arm, a reassuring touch. "Don't overthink it. Trust in those around you. We're here to support you."

Her words are meant to comfort, but they remind me of the tensions within the pack. Another distraction I grab onto gratefully. "What about Jericho? Lucas and Kellan don't

seem to listen to him much, even though they seem to respect him."

"One of the worst epidemics among wolf shifters is

I'm afraid. It's hard to

my head, I try to

being idiots, but pairing

and laughs. "When a new alpha takes over, many of the previous alpha's most trusted advisors end up retiring. New blood, loyal to

mind reels. That explains a lot. I wondered why all my

a single one of them twitch at the compliment, even though

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

can hear every word we're

can remember, so I've never

shrugs, leaning forward to rest her

he made some mistakes that led to the death of the previous alpha and his Luna. It's a stigma he's never been able to fully shake in Lucas' mind, even with all of his hard work raising Kellan to "That seems..." I grope for a

Stupid? Absolutely asinine?

a gasp comes out of me as I glance around in a

course, there are

You can't talk about Lucas like that." I pause. "Can

her chin in her hand, she watches Selene, who's still sleeping. "They're used to it.

to be. You'll hear about it soon enough, I'm

There isn't

I just say, "Oh," and stare at the sky again. "If that mistake changed how they think of Jericho, I'm never going to get the pack to see me

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

because of a single hotheaded idiot. He became the alpha when he was older, and now his son is alpha." Crossing my

pup, Selene whispers. Clearly, she's

time feeling bad, wondering how

still not looking at me. She's just casually perched there, looking

sorry for myself and start acting,

sentence.

know what to do

"Yeah."

Ava. You just have to move forward trying to make better choices than the day before. Apologize to those

a little too simplistic of a world view after everything I've put Lucas and the pack

"I'm trying."

"I know."

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

her side profile again, I can

be so apologetic that you lose sight of who you are. Making mistake-even a terrible one-doesn't mean that