Tangled

194

194

194 Ava: Garden Visit

"Are you okay?"

Vanessa pops into my field of view with a steaming cup of what smells like hot chocolate.

Much better than coffee.

"I'm okay."

The steam from the mug assaults my face with humidity and heat, reminding me that summer is over.

The weather isn't chilly enough for hot cocoa to be a regular occurrence, and the wind is a little too warm against my skin, but the rich chocolate flavor that coats my tongue brings comfort.

It's a small thing, but it helps ground my racing thoughts as Vanessa settles beside me on the bench.

Out here, in the small garden behind the alpha lodge, there's only peace under the vast expanse of darkness and stars. Selene

slumbers peacefully a few feet away, her silver fur almost glowing in the moonlight.

There are, of course, the ever-present guards stationed around us. Four of them, at least.

But at least they're giving me this time out here, instead of leaving me to my misery indoors.

"How are you holding up this week Ava? Since we last talked... A lot seems to have changed. You look different. You sound different." Vanessa's gentle question pulls me from my thoughts.

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

Thinking about this past week is much better than thinking about Mom, and how quickly her life had slipped away in front of me.

I stare into the depths of my mug, as if the answers might be found swirling in the chocolate. "It's been

hard," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "Mostly, it feels like I'm stumbling in the dark, unsure of which direction to take. And I don't like the person I see in my memories. I've been cringing at a lot of thin Vanessa's hand rests on my arm, a reassuring touch. "Don't overthink it. Trust in those around you. We're here to support you."

Her words are meant to comfort, but they remind me of the tensions within the pack. Another distraction I grab onto gratefully. "What about Jericho? Lucas and Kellan don't

seem to listen to him much, even though they seem to respect him."

weariness. "One of the

wolf legacy, I'm afraid. It's hard to get them

I try to puzzle through her

sounds a lot like they're just being idiots, but pairing the

catches my expression and laughs. "When a new alpha takes over, many of the previous alpha's most trusted advisors end up retiring. New blood, loyal to

explains a lot. I wondered why

of them twitch at the compliment,

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

can hear

alpha for as long as I can

her elbows on her knees. "Yes,

the previous alpha and his Luna. It's a stigma he's never been able to fully shake in Lucas' mind, even with all of his hard work raising Kellan to "That seems..." I grope for a word to

Absolutely asinine? I

a gasp comes out of me

are

Lucas

still sleeping. "They're used to it. I've said far worse to his face.

as simple as I've made it out to

There isn't

they think of Jericho, I'm never going to get the pack to see me as Luna material after the massa "You will. Wolves are used

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

were idiot scuffles where several lives were taken because of a single hotheaded idiot. He became the alpha when he was older, and now his son is alpha." Crossing my arms over my abdomen, I refrain

whispers. Clearly,

spending all your time feeling bad,

me. She's just casually perched there, looking ahead of

sorry for myself and start acting, but I don't..." Flapping my hands helplessly, I can't even finish

sentence.

to do to fix

"Yeah."

move forward trying to make better choices than the day before. Apologize

too simplistic of a world view after everything I've put Lucas and

"I'm trying."

"I know."

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194 Ava: Garden Visit

side profile again, I can see

don't need to be so apologetic that you lose sight of who you are. Making mistake-even a terrible one-doesn't mean