The Accidental Wife by Sara Islam

Chapter 139

"How are you feeling, Rosie?" my therapist asks me. She always asks me this question. Usually, I can interpret my feelings into words, but today, I can't do it. I don't know how to explain to her that I have never felt this confused in my entire life. puzzled and perplexed. I thought when I first got out of the accident that I had reached the ultimate level of confusion, but I guess what I'm feeling now is way more confusing." I do my best to express how I'm feeling. "What's making you confused?" she asks and I take a deep breath.

"I'm

"Silas has been hanging out with another girl," I start, looking at her for a second before looking down again. "I'm not supposed to feel jealous or upset, but... I do." I raise my head to look at her again.

"But didn't you say that you weren't sure of your feelings for him?" she wonders and I nod. "Then why do you feel jealous?"

"I think I made a terrible mistake." I sniff, trying to prevent myself from crying even though she has made it pretty clear that this is a safe place for me to cry. "Leaving Silas was one of the worst mistakes of my life, and I hate that it took me seeing him with another girl to realize that." do you want to do?" she asks.

"And

what

""What I Why can't what I want

I to do is knock on his door and apologize. I want to tell him that I want to be with him again and I want to give us a genuine chance this time, but I can't do that." My tears betray me as they roll down my cheeks. 't you do do that?" She sets her pen down as she looks at me.

moment before my eyes move to the plant placed in one of the corners I tilt my head back, staring at the plain ceiling for a moment before my eyes move to the plant placed in one of the corners of the room. I have always like the décor of her office. It makes me feel at ease and and comfortable. "Because I hurt him enough and it doesn't feel right to jump back into his life once he is starting to move on. What kind of person would I be? I can't do that to Sillas. He doesn't deserve that at all. I want him happy and if...if his happiness means that he should be away I stay away from him.

I don't want to stay away from him. When he held me in the hallway after I told him I remembered something, I wanted to hold onto him as long as I could. I didn't want him to let me go.

"Sometimes, things don't go our way in life, Rosie, and I know that it's hard, but we need to learn to accept whatever happens. We're not in control of everything," my therapist tells me and I wipe my tears.

sob escapes me even though I'm trying to calm "The thing is, I was in control once, but I lost it because of my stupidity," a sob

You

need to work on now is come to terms with your new reality,"

When I woke up with that memory in my head, the first thing I did was rush to his place. I had this image in my head I thought he was going to

hugged me like usual." I sadly smile when I remember his reaction. "I said something to him and he told me that Maisie

can't just walk into his life and tell him I want him back and I have a boyfriend... I need to break up with him. I don't feel comfortable in our relationship, but I can't just go back to Silas the moment I break up with Everest," I say. My heart is already

one he once was before we started officially dating. He always wants things his ways. He's always interested in my family. He sometimes mocks my interests. He wasn't like that. Maybe he was like that when we were friends, but I cannot remember," I reply, playing with a pen I found in front of me. "Do you feel safe around Everest?" she asks. "I don't think he would hit me, but emotionally, I don't feel safe around me. I constantly feel like I need to defend myself and my actions. Relationships shouldn't be like that." I rub my forehead. I don't know when things may calm down, but I really can't take it anymore. "Listen, Rosie. I I don't really trust Everest, so maybe when you break up with him make sure that you have somebody you trust in the same place as you or at least close to you," my therapist suggests. The first person who comes to my mind is Šilas, but I don't want to bring him into this I can easily ask my dad. He is going to be there for me in a heartbeat, but I don't want to bring my parents into this either. When I told them I started dating Everest, they weren't thrilled, but they said that as long as I was happy, they were happy for me. I wasn't happy when I told them and I'm not happy now. I

I

while, but I know that he's a great friend. He makes Sabrina happy and

!

I can do that. Better safe than sorry." I smile a little. "What do you think

I

need to learn to discover yourself on your own. I want you to spend a day by yourself, but not inside your apartment. I want you to go out and do something you love. When you come back, write down how you

up with her. I haven't spoken to her in a week and that hasn't been the

once was before. I need to accept that things

anymore.

need. I don't know why fate loves playing games with me, but while I'm filling my

him. It's like there's a magnet that pulls

when he notices me. Is that all that I am to him now? Just a

smile at him, but my

going on?" he asks, probably sensing with his inner radar that something is wrong. hate that he knows me so well. "Nothing. I just had a session with my therapist and it was a heavy one," I tell him, putting something random in