The Alpha’s Fight for His Omega by Jess K

Chapter 69

***Chastity***

I woke up the next morning with just enough time to get to class which was unusual for me. Norm, and Lexi tried to ask if I was ok, but I just waved them off. I didn’t want to talk about it. I was thankful that I had my homework done for the class early. After class I considered canceling on Dee-Dee, but knew that she wouldn’t allow that unless it was for class, or sickness. Since I had neither excuse I dropped my book bag off in my room, grabbed my journal, and Lilac then headed to my appointment.

Dee-Dee was waiting in her usual blue bean bag chair for me. After I took Lilac off her leash I curled into my usual purple one, and buried my head in my knees. Dee-Dee remained quiet which I was thankful for. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t feel like talking. She seemed to understand that, and left me be. For a bit at least.

“I understand if you don’t feel like talking Chastity, and as I told you your first day here I won’t push you to. What I am going to ask for is to see your journal since I know you have it with you.” Dee-Dee requested quietly, and I handed it to her.

Once Lilac was done her usual search of the room for toys, or trouble she returned to me, wiggled under my t-shirt, leaned against the bare skin of my side, and purred. I could hear Dee-Dee flipping through the pages of my journal. I guess she was looking for my most recent entries. She must have found them because she stopped flipping pages. My last two weren’t so great. Tuesday’s entry I had been bothered by the girls that were throwing themselves at Alpha Joseph, Dimitri, Rowen, and Jax. Wednesday’s was all about my doubts at being a Luna. I heard Dee-Dee close my journal, indicating she was finished reading. “That’s some pretty strong feelings. There isn’t much I can say about Tuesday’s because that would anger me as well. I never understood the need to behave in such a manner. It’s not befitting of one who is in a position of respect, or anyone for that matter. I also agree that girls your age trying to be with your father is, what was the word you used again? Icky. Yes I agree. I would feel the same way about my own father being hit on by girls that much younger. Especially if they were the same age as myself.” Dee-Dee said quietly, and I only nodded.

“I am glad to read you have some faith in Rowen to think he would turn those girls away. That is a positive sign.” She continued, and I only shrugged.

It was more that I knew he would when my brother, and father were sharing a suite with him. I knew Jax would try to kill him if he did something with another girl. As long as he knew about it of course. I didn’t say that or write it in my journal though.

“I have a feeling that it’s less about faith in Rowen, and more about the fact that you know your brother would stop him from doing something.” Dee-Dee guessed, and again I just shrugged.

There really was no reason to respond. It wouldn’t make a difference. She was convinced of one thing. and I knew the opposite. He would figure it all out eventually too. It was only a matter of time. They all would see it some day.

“Chastity, can I ask you a question please?” Dee-Dee questioned, and I shrugged.

If she insisted she could, but that didn’t mean I would answer. I really had nothing to say.

“What was your dream for your life?” Dee-Dee asked.

“Just to be a nurse, and midwife to my pack.” I whispered, but I knew she could hear me.

“Where did you plan to live? What about a mate? What about pups? Did you want any of that?” She questioned.

“Either in my own little house at the edge of the pack town, or with my mate at his house. I figured he would be an Omega like me or a low-rank wolf. Maybe a lower warrior at best. I would work at the hospital helping people then go home. Maybe we would have a pup or two.” I said quietly into my knees. “How does that dream differ from your reality now? You’re going to school so you can learn to help people. Once you’ve graduated you’ll go back to your pack where you have a mate waiting for you. You’ll mark each other, and live in the same house. You’ll help people at work everyday then go home to your mate at night, and maybe have a pup or two later. Is what you have now, and will have in the future really that different from the dream you’ve had your whole life?”

I lifted my head, and looked at her, “Yes.”

“How?”

“BECAUSE HE’S AN ALPHA! EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT BECAUSE MY MATE IS AN ALPHA!”

“So because he’s an Alpha your reality is different from the dream you had for you life? How?”

“…it just is.”

“I don’t really see how. You’ll graduate from here, go home, mark your mate and he’ll mark you. You’ll live in a house together. You’ll both go to work helping people. At night you’ll come home together, and maybe someday you’ll have a pup or two. Tell me how that reality is any different from your dream.”

“It just is.”

“But how? No he’s not an Omega, low rank wolf, or warrior, but other than that he’s just a man. The same as any other man.”

“But he’s not the same!”

“But how? Is he kind? Is he caring? Is he supportive? Is he respectful? Is he protective? Is he intelligent?”

“Yes.”

“So how is he different from any other male?”

“I… He just is.”

“You know Chastity, I’m going to say something, and it might make you angry, but I’m going to say it any way. You don’t have to say anything. Just think about it. Ok?”

“I guess.”

“Every time you are feeling good about yourself, and you’re happy, you see, and describe Rowen as the person he is. You see him as kind, caring, loving, thoughtful, supportive, respectful, intelligent, and an all around good man. On the other side of that, when ever you lack self confidence. When ever you’re doubting yourself. When ever you’re beating yourself up, and not seeing you for who you truly are, you stop seeing Rowen for the PERSON he is, and start seeing him for WHAT he is. You see him as an Alpha. Someone above you. Someone better than you. You beat yourself down so badly, and put him on a pedestal of what he is, not who he is.”

“If you say so. Nothing changes the fact that he is an Alpha, and he’ll always be better than me. He’ll always be above me.”

“But he’s not Chastity. Until he marks you, and you take on your role as Luna by his side, in pack order he out ranks you, yes, but as a person, no he isn’t. WHO he is, is at the exact same level as you. You are both kind, caring, thoughtful, respectful, loving, understanding, and intelligent. You’re both strong, and brave in different ways. Yes physically he is stronger, but I think. No, I know that you are stronger on the inside.”

“No I’m not stronger on the inside.”

“But you are. You were determined to try to make your dream a reality no matter what it took. Despite

what was happening at home, you never gave up. When your father originally told you that you couldn’t come to school here, what did you do?”

“I cried.”

“After that?”

“I went for a run, and planned to start helping at the hospital so I could learn when I needed from the nurses, and midwife Wanda.”

“Exactly. You didn’t give up. You were ready to reach your dream in another way if you needed to. That shows a lot of inner strength. Something that a lot of people who have experienced things close to what you have, did was give up. They gave up trying. They gave up on dreaming, or reaching that dream. They gave up on themselves. You never did that. You kept going, no matter what. You also continued to help. others. Many in your position don’t do that. They are barely surviving. Do you see what I’m saying?” 1

“…I guess sort of. I don’t know what that has to do with being good enough for Rowen or to be a Luna some day.”

“It means a lot because like I said when you are struggling with self confidence you stop seeing Rowen for WHO he is, and only see him for WHAT he is. You stop seeing how well matched you are as people. You are in every way. Maybe you don’t need to think of yourself as being good enough to be a Luna, and the Alpha’s mate some day, but maybe you need to remind yourself that as a person you are the perfect match for Rowen the person. That you are perfect as a person in general. Yes you are struggling emotionally right now, but as a whole Chastity, you are perfect.”

“…I just don’t….I don’t know.”

“I know you don’t, and that’s ok. You’ll get there. It’s going to take time.”

“But I don’t see myself as good enough to ever be a Luna.”

“I understand that, but can I ask you something?”

“I guess.”

your definition

graceful, poised, and elegant. She is intelligent, and caring. She can fight for, and protect her pack like a warrior. She helps her pack, and supports them. She takes care of her pack. members when they need it. She is kind to everyone, and tries to see the

Did you know that Lunas are not as poised, and elegant as you think they

“Luna Clair is.”

doing something pack business related or attending an event she is walking around in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and old sneakers with her hair in a pony tail. She prefers it that way. She hates dressing. up, and NEVER wears heels. She hates then. Even when she has to dress up to look the part she refuses make up. She doesn’t carry herself with grace, elegance, and poise. She carries herself with confidence in who she is. You said that you used to spend a lot of time

a tank top or t-shirt. Her hair was usually braided because it was really long. All the other Lunas I’ve seen on tv, or in pictures were always dressed

stuff.”

they were because they had to be. They were in a situation where dressing to impress was necessary. I’ll bet if you saw them in their pack everyday they would be dressed much

Jane do

“I doubt that.”

I could

“How?”

the feeds for the Alpha meetings, and I know you know about the meeting the queen is having today. I was

“I doubt that.”

Come to my desk,

had a close up of the queen on the screen. The queen had her hair half pulled back with a hair tie. She was wearing track pants, of all things, and a pink loose t-shirt, and sneakers. Dee- Dee clicked the mouse again, and let me look at a lot of the women at the meeting. There were a few that were in dresses, skirts, and pant suits, but most were dressed in jeans, shorts, sweat pants, t-shirts, tank tops, and sneakers. Most of them had their hair pulled back in some form of a ponytail or braid. I was kind of shocked. I

what Lunas typically do when they don’t have

in the ballroom or dinner,

and those in training have attended they have been dressed for being comfortable. They dressed to display who they are, not what they

“…I think so.”

the live feeds for the females, and you’ll see more of what I mean. It may also give you a better idea of what to expect in the

doesn’t

we’ll leave that for another day. Back to your original thought on what a Luna is. Lunas are not warriors. Yes there are some who decide to train with the warriors or their mate will train

Luna fighting in a battle. Usually they are with the pack members that are in the safe house, consoling, calming, helping, caring for, and supporting them. Or they are in the pack hospital

battle field.”

That’s

into battle. She was on her way to the safe house to help the other pack members, and got caught by a couple of rogues before she could get there. She tried to fight

Alpha Joseph was beside her

he was on his way to her. He didn’t get to her in time to stop the rogue that killed her. She was not there to fight though. She never planned

“Oh.”

to protect themselves long enough for someone to help them. You must remember Lunas are mostly Omegas. If not Omegas then low rank wolves so they are smaller than warriors, or high rank wolves. They are fast, but not nearly as strong. They can also only fight

“Oh.”

what you said, how many

think

help them when they need it? Do you support them?

“I….um… I guess so.”

needs it. You are incredibly intelligent in many ways. You understand others, and their needs. You are very caring. You are everything a Luna is, in every way Just give yourself time You’ll see it What I think you may want to do is let people know that it makes you uncomfortable when they bring up you being a Luna someday I would keep up your training with Luna Clair, but tell all those you love that any more talk about your future role needs to stop for now. If you feel the need tell them exactly how you

I don’t want to upset them, or let

down by telling them how you feel. You are allowed to feel any way you want. No

“How do you know?”

when you love someone you do what they need you to do to make sure they

“I guess.”

Rowen about how you’re feeling. See what happens. I bet he’ll

“I’ll….maybe I’ll try.”

you feel less overwhelmed, and will give you time to build your confidence in yourself without the reminder

should still train with Luna

that will

I could

but have people back off can help reducing the feeling of being overwhelmed, and questioning

“If you say so.”

to get to class in time. Here is your journal. Think about what I said about talking to Rowen, and everyone about leaving the future Luna talk

“Ok. Thank you.”

mind the whole time. When I reached self defense class I knew Lexi, and Norm could tell something was on my mind, but they didn’t ask. I appreciate that, as we were leaving Matt tried to stop me to talk, again.

they just want to be left alone.

off.” Matt growled

She has nothing she wants to say to anyone. If she wants to talk someday

room after that. While we waited in line to grab dinner Norm chattered on about his day, and what he was learning about in class. I appreciated that he kept the focus on himself instead of me.

Chastity, what’s going

lot on

you want to

should talk to Rowen first. It has

didn’t do anything did

stuff that I need to talk to him

reject him,

regard. I just need his thoughts on something

Well we’ll let you have your space to talk to him. I’ll take your dishes down for you.” Lexi said as she stood up,

“But.”

up she will. Besides somethings need to be discussed between mates

Norm said with a wave, and a

two. See you tomorrow.” I

appreciated her for that. I sent a text to Rowen asking him

agreed. I pulled out my laptop, got comfortable in my bed, and waited. Within minutes he called, and I

Rowen said with a

“Hi.” I said quietly.

“Chastity, what’s wrong?”

“…It’s stupid.”

bothering you is ever

“…um….I….”

scaring

and I don’t want to think about that right now. I know you believe in me, but I…I just don’t right now. Hearing you say stuff like that just makes me doubt myself, and I don’t see myself the way you or anyone else

making you feel that way. That was never my intention. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I believe in you. I never knew I was

You won’t say anything about my future

not, and I’ll make sure the others know not to either. The last thing any of us want to do is