Jane

The last few days have passed in a dizzying haze. I’ve slept through much of our journey, and though Ethan has remained by my side in my waking hours, I do have to wonder what he, Eric and Linda have been planning while I- rest. Today we’ve finally reached a midway port to resupply for the rest of the trip, and when Ethan wakes me with the news that I can finally get off this boat, I can’t move fast enough.

When I emerge from his luxury cabin and feel the blaze of the unforgiving tropical sun for the first time, I can only think of my babies. Would the traffickers give them sunscreen? Would they have enough water? The worry consumes me so quickly and powerfully my knees go weak.

It’s almost too tempting to return to the drug induced haze I’ve floated in the past few days, but I know that isn’t right.

It’s a selfish inclination, to save myself having to feel these things, when my pups don’t have any such luxury.

I tell Ethan as much as he helps me off the boat. I don’t want any more medications when we board again.

Ethan.”

His strong arms are around me, guiding me forward down the gangway. “Sweetheart you’ll be sick as a dog without them.”

Then let me be sick” I state simply, “I shouldn’t get to avoid suffering when everyone else around me is stuck with their pain… when the pups didn’t have that privilege.”

“Jane” Ethan sighs, dragging his hand through his hair.

You dying of dehydration isn’t going to save anyone any suffering- especially not the pups.”

“It doesn’t feel right.” l insist. “I want…”

“You want what? To hurt?” Ethan guesses, hitting the nail square on the head.

“Yes,” I confess, my throat thick with emotion. “I want to hurt, because I know they’re hurting too. I want to hurt… because l deserve it.”

can’t even come to terms with the abrupt shifts myself. One moment l’m begging him to take away my pain by making love to me, and the next l’m wishing for nothing more than the freedom to wallow in my misery – and each end of the spectrum feels so surreal and strange that any other headspace seems like

us right in the middle of the ship’s boarding ramp, gathering me to his chest. It’s much too hot for our bodies to be pressed together this way, but his solid strength grounds me

“You don’t deserve any

mouth to argue, but he stops me before I can reject his comfort. “You’ve trusted me this far, Jane. So please trust me now. I wouldn’t lie to you

grateful that Ethan didn’t

easier to believe him now. The more time that passes, the more I see how badly I misjudged Ethan. Still, I have a hard time accepting that he’s telling me these things because they’re true, rather than because he doesn’t want me to be

I bite my tongue, leaning into him as we continue off the

around. So you,

my stomach instantly settle. After all, we’re no longer swaying two and fro on the water. However l’m disappointed by solid ground. I don’t find any relief from the sour churning in my belly, and belatedly I recall that it can take some time to regain one’s land legs”. “How long will we stop?” l inquire, wondering whether it’s better to give myself time to recover, when I have to get back on a damned ship and start

to read my

take her along on his advance trip. It might have been easier for her to accept his refusal if he hadn’t claimed her during their long lovemaking sessions on the ship, but

dock on our left. As if they’d been reading my mind, Eric and Linda are standing there nose to

you claim me just so you could

“I claimed you because I

just apparently not enough to introduce me to

I’m not introducing you, because I don’t want them

going to leave me behind so someone else

is going to murder you, as long as you

than anyone – he’s the reason this is all happening, how am I safer with him?” Linda

more concerned with the impact my friend’s words might have on Ethan. Looking up at him, I can see the

know. He grumbles. “That’s why I wanted you

as I feel my stomach rise

me?” Ethan arches a brow, petting

grateful that my traitorous stomach is giving me an excuse to change the subject. “Goddess, I think l’m going to be sick again.”I lunge for the nearest trash

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