Jane

The last few days have passed in a dizzying haze. I’ve slept through much of our journey, and though Ethan has remained by my side in my waking hours, I do have to wonder what he, Eric and Linda have been planning while I- rest. Today we’ve finally reached a midway port to resupply for the rest of the trip, and when Ethan wakes me with the news that I can finally get off this boat, I can’t move fast enough.

When I emerge from his luxury cabin and feel the blaze of the unforgiving tropical sun for the first time, I can only think of my babies. Would the traffickers give them sunscreen? Would they have enough water? The worry consumes me so quickly and powerfully my knees go weak.

It’s almost too tempting to return to the drug induced haze I’ve floated in the past few days, but I know that isn’t right.

It’s a selfish inclination, to save myself having to feel these things, when my pups don’t have any such luxury.

I tell Ethan as much as he helps me off the boat. I don’t want any more medications when we board again.

Ethan.”

His strong arms are around me, guiding me forward down the gangway. “Sweetheart you’ll be sick as a dog without them.”

Then let me be sick” I state simply, “I shouldn’t get to avoid suffering when everyone else around me is stuck with their pain… when the pups didn’t have that privilege.”

“Jane” Ethan sighs, dragging his hand through his hair.

You dying of dehydration isn’t going to save anyone any suffering- especially not the pups.”

“It doesn’t feel right.” l insist. “I want…”

“You want what? To hurt?” Ethan guesses, hitting the nail square on the head.

“Yes,” I confess, my throat thick with emotion. “I want to hurt, because I know they’re hurting too. I want to hurt… because l deserve it.”

a word about my drastic mood swings. I think he understands that my grief is sending me spiraling from one extreme to the next. The fact is I can’t even come to terms with the abrupt shifts myself. One moment l’m begging him to take away my pain by making

right in the middle of the ship’s boarding ramp, gathering me to his chest. It’s much too hot for our

don’t deserve

to argue, but he stops me before I can reject his comfort. “You’ve trusted me this far, Jane. So please trust me now. I wouldn’t

he hasn’t givén me any reasons to doubt him. Though I was incredibly disgruntled at the time, l’m grateful that Ethan didn’t give into me the other night. The memories are still fuzzy, but I know l admitted more

wrong, I feel safer with him knowing he didn’t take advantage of my altered state, and it makes it easier to believe him now. The more time that passes, the more I see how badly I misjudged Ethan. Still, I have a hard time accepting that

into him as we continue off the ship.

own.” Ethan explains. This island is governed by NightFang allies, but Aimon is bound to have a few spies running around. So you, Linda and

sour churning in my belly, and belatedly I recall that it can take some time to regain one’s land legs”. “How long will we stop?” l inquire, wondering whether it’s better to give myself time

announces, seeming to read my mind. “The

have been easier for her to accept his refusal if he hadn’t claimed her during their long lovemaking sessions on the ship, but it seems that once he opened his blind eyes and finally saw the woman who’d been standing in front of him

dock on our left. As if they’d been reading my mind, Eric and Linda are standing there

truth!” Linda demands loudly, “Did you claim me

“I claimed you because

apparently not enough to introduce me to your

you, because I don’t

just going to leave me behind so someone else can

as long as you

– he’s the reason this is all happening, how am I safer with

curious as I am to continue eavesdropping on their argument, l’m more concerned with the impact my friend’s words might have on

“That’s why I

feel my stomach rise in my throat. “Not only because of the pups, but because

worried about me?” Ethan arches a brow,

stomach is giving me an excuse to change the subject. “Goddess, I think l’m going to be sick again.”I lunge for the nearest trash receptacle, and Ethan holds

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