Jane

I can’t lose them. I can’t.

When was the last time I held them? K!ssed them?

What were the last words I said to them? Do they know how close l am? Do they know how hard I’m trying to rescue them? I would give anything to have them safely home. I would gladly trade my own life for theirs, though I hope it won’t come to that. The pain comes and goes in waves, which is something of a blessing.

Just when it becomes so overwhelming that I think it will crush me completely, it ebbs away, replaced with a yawning emptiness that leaves me hollow but not miserable.

We took action immediately when we learned about the pups new destination, but I fear it Won’t be enough. We left Sophie and her brother with Thomas and Mary, and jumped in the car, only stopping for petrol. My eyes are so sore from searching the road and surrounding forests, but that’s about to be the least of my problems.

“I think l’m going to be sick” I choke, looking around the car. We’re speeding down the King’s Highway, desperately trying to catch up with the theatre troupe. The vehicle is veering around the twists and turns of the mountain roads, and for once I have no fears that my unsettled stomach might be caused by a pregnancy – I know this is good old motion sickness.

Ethan immediately applies the brakes, as if he intends to pull over. I grip the handhold over my head with a white-knuckled fist. “No- don’t stop! l just need a bag or something.”

Jane –

“Don’t stop!” I repeat stubbornly.

“Here” Linda produces a plastic bag, dumping out the water bottles and snacks we purchased at our last fuel stop. It’s just in the knick of time. Thankfully my hair is up, and I reach into the bag, emptying the contents of my stomach and grimacing at the unpleasant sight and smell of my own sick. I m0an pitifully when it’s over, sipping some water to take the sour taste out of my mouth. There’s nothing left for my body to expel, but stomach acid and bile- but l still feel terrible.

“Poor baby? Ethan strokes my hair, but doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “Are you sure you don’t want me to slow down? These roads aren’t going to get any less windy for a while.”

“No, don’t slow down.” l insist. I have to get to my pups. I kills me that we came so close to finding them, only to have them snatched away at the last moment. I can tell Ethan is worried about me pushing myself too hard, and is clearly grappling for a way to prioritize me and finding the pups at the same time. I suppose that’s why he didn’t want me to come. But l had to -I would have gone crazy if l’d stayed behind. Besides, the pups are going to need me when we find them. They’re probably so frightened. I can almost see them now, huddled in trunks, not knowing what’s happening.

if they run out of air? Is there enough oxygen in those trunks?

urge, trying to keep my voice from

a crash Ethan tells me, using his

“You can’t make this better by coddling me” Suddenly I remember Ethan’s habit of pulling over cars for lectures, and l’m afraid he might do so now – but I should have known

been able to solve or hurry up resolving

pups was beside themself and could calm down on their own, would you just let

exclaim. “The pups are out there somewhere at this very moment, probably feeling exactly the same way and l’m not there to comfort

overheating or suffocating as we speak, we can’t waste a

I can tell he wants to reach for me, hold me, but we both know he can’t. I think not being able to make me feel better is as upsetting for him as not being able to comfort the pups is for me. I suddenly feel very guilty for making things harder on him. How am l supposed to cope with

another mile of distance between

Linda interjects. “Every moment is a

“Just keep telling

last, pulling over to the side of the road. At first I think he

with a furrowed brow. “Do you think

the king?”

have the details, just

capital?” l question, realizing the problem at once. If they stop and we don’t

at

reasons. “Unless the

it

as quickly as she

breathe a sigh

do we stop?” Linda

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