The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups by Jane Above Story

Chapter 164

Jane

Come on munchkins, we’re going on an adventure!” I announce, get your coats.

The pups look at me suspiciously. What kinda venture?” Riley asks.

Their first therapy session had helped more than I expected. I don’t know everything they talked about with the doctor, but I expect having another adult reassuring them that they were loved and safe helped set them at ease. They still aren’t really talking to me, but they’re not fighting me as hard as they were before either.

The hardest part is still when they wake in the middle of the night crying out in fear, then asking for Ethan when I go to comfort them. It’s the worst with Paisley. She’s never lived without her father before, and I’m trying to keep a special eye on her. She asks for him more than any of the others, and it seems most difficult for her to believe we can’t simply call him and ask for a visit. The more time that passes the angrier I become with Ethan for leaving our babies. It’s one thing to hurt me, but another entirely to hurt them. I’ve decided to distract them anyway

I can, to try and make them feel like our family is whole without Ethan – not that this is an easy feat.

“A Christmas adventure.” I answer, coming back to the present. We were away for so long we’re very behind on decorating and baking, and doing all the fun holiday things!”

What fun holiday things?” Paisley asks, looking curious now.

Well, for one thing – every year we go to this beautiful christmas tree farm, then we go on sleigh rides and pick out a tree and cut it down ourselves. And every night there’s a bonfire with hot cocoa and smores…” I lower my voice to a whisper. “Sometimes Santa even turns up.”

Santa?! ” She exclaims, looking to her siblings for confirmation. Unfortunately they’re not beside her anymore, because the moment I mentioned the tree farm they went racing for their coats.

smile. “It’s going to be

wrong lyrics and tone deaf voices, and I feel

double check the kids’ winter clothes before releasing them into

special time of year, but I feel myself near tears as I watch my littlest chasing after her brothers and

what I needed. I realize. I needed to see that everything we went through was worth it, that there’s hope we can be happy again sometime in the future. I still feel raw and fragile to my core, and I know that the months ahead are going to be incredibly difficult, but as long as I remember to cherish these little moments, I think I can get through the worst of it. After all, I

cuddling the huge Clydesdales pulling the sleighs, asking the drivers what the horses’ names are and feeding them carrots before bundling into the old-fashioned vehicles. There are bells on the horse’s tack, so as we set out through the snow jingling chimes fill the air, and the pups’ faces light up with

in her little boots in the seat across from

encourage, pulling her into my la*p, “you’re not used to all

it though.” She says thoughtfully, Snuggling closer. “Is fun to play in,

hmm?” It’s dangerous to bring up Ethan, especially with Paisley, but I want to try and make her feel as at home as possible with us, and that means finding out what traditions they

bake, and Daddy always took me to meet Santa at the mall.” She answers thoughtfully. We’d decorate the tree together on Christmas eve, then go to the festival in

tell her, leaning my cheek against the top of her head. Is there anything you want to do this year to celebrate? I don’t know if I can make cookies as good as your Gamma

I love baking.” She exclaims, looking up at

of a sudden all four pups are looking at me hopefully, and now I feel like crying for a completely different reason. “I don’t think

asks, “doesn’ he wanna

lie. “But he must be very very busy with the pack. He was gone a

time for me.” Paisley insists,

for the holidays.” I

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