Ethan

Christmas carols fill the air as I watch Riley, Ryder, Paisley and Parker zoom around the skating rink, giggling and laughing as they play tag and stage races. Fairy lights and boughs of holly have been strewn around the edges of the rink, and the scent of apples and cinnamon waft through the falling snow from a nearby hot cider booth.

My first afternoon back with the pups is the best day I’ve had since they were kidnapped – and certainly since I was paralyzed. It’s true that I’m heartbroken over Jane, but being with my children again at long last is pure joy. Ice skating has always been Paisley’s favorite Christmas pastime, but I’ve never seen her share the experience with anyone but me. It’s magical to see her playing with the others, so carefree. In the old days I had to hold her hand the whole time, she was never healthy enough to get rambunctious on the ice. Now she has no problem keeping up, and I couldn’t be prouder.

That said, every few minutes she comes racing over to the sidelines to beg me to come onto the ice with her. She doesn’t understand why I’m not out there with her like I always have been in the past.

Unfortunately my mechanized braces are great for pretending to walk, but there’s no way they can handle ice skating – the movement is too smooth, and the balance too precarious.

“Daddy please!””Paisley begs, giving me huge puppy dog eyes. “We came all this way to sees you and you’re not even skating!

“Daddy’s still recovering from his surgery.” I lie.

You remember how careful you have to be when you’re healing.”

But how much longer is it gonna take? She inquires. “I wanna play with you.”

I want to play with you too, angel. And I will- I’m just not up to skating.” I sigh. Besides you don’t need me anymore, you have your brothers and sister.”

Is not the same.” Paisley frowns. I never had to worry ’bout falling before. You were always there to catch me! What if I falls?”

“Sweetheart, you’re healthy enough to fall now.

gentłe as possible as I continue. You can’t go through your whole life holding Daddy’s hand. You have to branch out on your own take risks. It’s what growing up is

Paisley keep holding my hand as long as she wants to after all, those years when pups want to be that close with their parents are so fleeting. However if I’m going to let them stay here it can’t just be for Jane, I

pups are really going to be okay after I’m gone. In hindsight, I should have done this from the beginning, but I didn’t have the braces then,

buying my story. “Daddy what are you talking about?” She demands. “I don’ wanna grow ups if it means

us

eyes. “Daddy, you’re

know,

Paisley continues. “Is somefing going on

own good. That’s Jane’s doing- her genes were clearly stronger than mine when it

game. Then, right on queue, Riley, Parker and

me for a long moment, but eventually she turns to her sister. “Wha’s a skating chain?” She asks,

can’t let go even if other peoples are

to stay together as longs as possible!”

Paisley agrees excitedly, forgetting

spoken a word to me since we fought this morning, and her eyes are still red from crying. She’s trailed behind the pups and I throughout this outing, her arms wrapped protectively around herself as

her, pulling my mouth into a hard line.

me. “I’m trying, alright? I’m

I’d have an easier time keeping myself together if you stopped hovering over me

think bitterly. It’s one thing to keep up my horrible act to ensure she’ll hate me, but it’s another entirely to walk away from her when she’s so raw and fragile. Part of me wants

of me. Even if I do get better, I need to let her go. She deserves to find a better mate than me, I just have to

it’s going to make them more suspicious if there’s too much distance

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