Ethan

Christmas carols fill the air as I watch Riley, Ryder, Paisley and Parker zoom around the skating rink, giggling and laughing as they play tag and stage races. Fairy lights and boughs of holly have been strewn around the edges of the rink, and the scent of apples and cinnamon waft through the falling snow from a nearby hot cider booth.

My first afternoon back with the pups is the best day I’ve had since they were kidnapped – and certainly since I was paralyzed. It’s true that I’m heartbroken over Jane, but being with my children again at long last is pure joy. Ice skating has always been Paisley’s favorite Christmas pastime, but I’ve never seen her share the experience with anyone but me. It’s magical to see her playing with the others, so carefree. In the old days I had to hold her hand the whole time, she was never healthy enough to get rambunctious on the ice. Now she has no problem keeping up, and I couldn’t be prouder.

That said, every few minutes she comes racing over to the sidelines to beg me to come onto the ice with her. She doesn’t understand why I’m not out there with her like I always have been in the past.

Unfortunately my mechanized braces are great for pretending to walk, but there’s no way they can handle ice skating – the movement is too smooth, and the balance too precarious.

“Daddy please!””Paisley begs, giving me huge puppy dog eyes. “We came all this way to sees you and you’re not even skating!

“Daddy’s still recovering from his surgery.” I lie.

You remember how careful you have to be when you’re healing.”

But how much longer is it gonna take? She inquires. “I wanna play with you.”

I want to play with you too, angel. And I will- I’m just not up to skating.” I sigh. Besides you don’t need me anymore, you have your brothers and sister.”

Is not the same.” Paisley frowns. I never had to worry ’bout falling before. You were always there to catch me! What if I falls?”

“Sweetheart, you’re healthy enough to fall now.

a good thing. I promise, making my tone as gentłe as possible as I continue. You can’t go through your whole life holding Daddy’s hand. You have to branch out on your own

let them stay here it can’t just be for Jane,

really going to be okay after I’m gone. In hindsight,

doesn’t really seem to be buying my story. “Daddy what are you talking about?” She

little one.” I confess. “None of us ever want

her eyes. “Daddy, you’re

chuckle. “I know,

Mommy are both being weirds.” Paisley continues. “Is somefing going on you’re not tellings

too smart for their own good. That’s Jane’s doing- her genes were clearly stronger than mine when it

some way to answer her without giving up the game. Then, right on queue, Riley, Parker and Ryder skid to a

she turns to

you hold hands and can’t let go even if other peoples are coming

to stay together as longs as

excitedly, forgetting

expression. She hasn’t spoken a word to me since we fought this morning, and her eyes are still red from crying. She’s trailed behind the pups and I throughout this outing, her arms wrapped protectively around herself as if

go to sit next to her, pulling my mouth into a hard line. “They know something is

you just give it a rest, Ethan.” She answers, glaring at me. “I’m trying, alright? I’m trying to

have an easier time keeping myself together if you stopped hovering over me this

entirely to walk away from her when she’s so raw and fragile. Part of me wants to feel hopeful like my Beta suggested, to leave a window open for myself in case I get better and

because of me. Even if I do get better, I need to let her go. She deserves

to make them more suspicious if there’s too much distance

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