Ethan

That night I lay awake in bed, replaying my conversation with Jane over and over in my head.

For the first time since I got my diagnosis, I feel like I have a purpose again. It’s taken me a while to reach this place, but Jane’s return made it only too clear that giving up and pushing my family away wasn’t working for anyone. What’s more, being paralyzed has finally given me the perspective to understand that there’s more than one kind of strength, and just because I can’t protect them with my wolf, it doesn’t mean I can’t care for them in other ways. Above all else, I’m realizing that my possessiveness and determination to make Jane mine again was never about her welfare, but satisfying my own ego and selfishness.

The wheels in my mind are turning swiftly now, overflowing with ideas for how to put my plan in motion. When I started making my list of goals, I intended to help Jane and impart lessons on my children in the brief time we have left together, but now I see that it doesnt have to stop there. Already my wolf feels calmer, less on edge and erratic. I’ve been flailing and drowning for more than a month now, holding onto everything I felt I was losing and letting the pain rip me apart. But it’s amazing how soothing it can be to simply let go.

I’m still lying there, staring at the ceiling fan when my door cracks open, and tiny footsteps cross my floor. Paisley’s sweet scent wafts over me, and the next thing I know her precious voice is whispering beside me. “Daddy, are you awake?”

I might be.” I tease, cracking one eye open. “But you shouldn’t be, it’s way past your bedtime.”

“Can I sleep with you?” She asks anxiously, almost as though she’s worried I’ll refuse her.

of course, angel.” I agree, lifting the covers for her to crawl onto the mattress next to me.

I’ ve missed you so much, Daddy.” She murmurs, snuggling her head against my chest. I don’t like the Dark Moon pack.”

“But aren’t you happy being with Mommy and your brothers and sister?” I press, guilt assailing me once more.

Paisley is quiet for a long moment. I loves them.”

She finally answers. “But I loves you too, and you’re all alones now. I don’ like it. Mommy has Ryder, and Parker and Riley… but without me you don’ have anyone.”

That was the point. I think wryly. If I’m alone I can’t hurt anyone.

It’s very sweet of you to worry about me, Princess.”

to worry about his pups, not

it’s my job to worry ’bout

together and you needs me. You always says you don’ know what you’d do without

your words at the most inconvenient times. Paisley, I love you, and that means I want what’s best for you, even if it’s hard for me.” Her green eyes are glowing up at me in the darkness, and I can’t help but wonder if our new baby will be as perfect as our first four. Will they still take after me, will they luck out and get even more of their mother’s genes? ‘Now I won’t lie and tell you that

Paisley argues. “No one asked me where

one asked me if I wanted to go

life.” I remind her. It’s all you ever wanted, and I’ve always felt guilty that you had to grow up without

we’d all be together. No one ever told me that I’d haves to

to see

to be a pup, but she can teach you

for ages and ages!”

I chuckle, tapping the

do you keep saying these things?” Paisley questions, sitting up and brushing my hand away from her face. “You promised you’d never leaves me,but after you rescued us you didn’ even try to stay with us! And now it’s like… I dunno,

you,

Mommy, and I let you

you’re what’s best for me!”

are you doing

been sleeping in them out of fear that I’ll have to get up from bed in front of Jane or the kids, Paisley’s young face scrunches up in confusion, and she pokes at the

She can’t find out. If Paisley finds out it will only be a matter of time before the others do too, and then they’ll never

determined to fight, but I

braces, feeling down my h!p and over my legs. “Daddy, what are these things

something the doctor prescribed after my

on your legs.” The more she pokes and prods, the more I can see her sharp mind putting the pieces together. You’ve been walking funny..” She muses, gnawing on her lower lip in precisely the

worry about it.” I try to

legs broken?” Paisley asks, looking up at

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